Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

My husband has stopped kissing me with an open mouth. What are some reasons for this?

Answer

There could by any number of reasons why your husband doesn't kiss you with an open mouth anymore. You do not mention what excuses he's given you. Perhaps he is unsure of his own oral hygiene or has a phobia about germs that you are unaware of.

Someone once said: "Kissing is loving." Some people are afraid of loving and your husband could be experiencing some fear of wanting you or loving you too much. People's normal fears of losing the one they love come up if they allow themselves to love wholeheartedly.

I worked with a couple in which the wife complained that for two years before their divorce, she noticed that her husband never kissed her during their infrequent lovemaking. In hindsight, this seemed to indicate that his feelings toward her had changed and that he was unable to express this verbally; the emotional distance he felt came out non verbally in the lack of kissing during lovemaking.

Tell your partner what kissing means to you during lovemaking. If it enhances your arousal, tell him that. Some people find kissing (especially open mouth kissing) adds a whole new dimension to lovemaking and helps to include their heart in the experience! Good luck!

06/09/99