Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I constantly lust and feel the need to have sexual relations with a woman. But when it comes to meeting them I get nervous and usually back out. How am I to satisfy my needs if I can't overcome this?

Answer

Whoa! Slow down partner! You have gotten yourself into one of those vicious circles -- the more you want it, the more anxious and pressured you feel and the more overwhelmed and paralyzed you get when a situation with a woman presents itself. In other words you wind up stepping on your own feet. So the Sex Doctors suggest that you change your goal from making a score to making a friend. Go to places or join activities that you really enjoy, whether it's hiking, politics, or model trains. Then you'll find ready-made topics to bring up and females with ready-made interests in the same (that's why they are there, right?). Find a person and you may eventually find a partner.

03/18/98

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.