QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Sex & Lust Department
Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health
information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement
for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the
column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position
of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.
Question
I've never been attracted to men sexually in the past. Now I'm
so close to my best friend that I want physical/sexual intimacy as well as the emotional
intimacy. Are men's friendships ruined when this happens? I'm afraid he doesn't feel the
same way I do. I'm confused. Answer
It's easy to see why you feel confused. Many people who are primarily heterosexual
occasionally find themselves attracted to others of the same gender, and many lesbian and
gay people occasionally find themselves attracted to others of the opposite gender. There
are also people who identify as bisexual and are attracted to both men and women.
Your friendship may suffer if you tell your friend how you are feeling. However, it
may improve. If you tell your friend you are feeling physically attracted to him and don't
know whether he feels the same, the opportunity to talk about it may increase the
emotional intimacy between you, regardless of whether you become physically intimate.
You may find some of the publications offered by P-FLAG (Parents, Families &
Friends of Lesbians and Gays) helpful. You can reach them through our Resources Department.
You show a lot of courage by being honest with yourself about your feelings.
03/18/98
Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose
Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling
and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally
known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He
currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.
Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services
for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital
therapy.
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