Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I have been married for one year. Some of my husband's belongings from his old apartment are stored in our shed. At his request, I looked through the boxes for his automobile registration and found a lot of erotic pictures of his old girlfriends. These were in a box marked as important to keep. What makes a man want to keep these items? It hurts my feelings. Should I bring it up with him?

Answer

You found some erotic pictures of some of your husband's old flames. You wonder why he wants to save them and you feel hurt that he would want to preserve them. Since your husband asked you to search for his auto registration and you weren't snooping, there is no reason why you should not tell him that you discovered the photos.

You could also tell him that your feelings are hurt and that you would like to understand what the photos mean to him. There is nothing inherently wrong with his desire to hold onto mementos of his past, whether they are photos of women or any other item. Many people want to have concrete recollections of their past, their youth, and find it difficult to let them go. Most of us save photographs to remember the past. The issue for you is the nature of the photos. Since you have no reason to believe that he is having an affair with any of the women, you can only assume these are mementos of his single life and serve a reminder of his days of bachelor-hood, safely stored in boxes in the shed. Keep in mind that he married you, not them.

3/5/98

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing Bookstore Catalog.

Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.