Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

Is it considered a healthy relationship when you're friends with a guy -- he has expressly said that he does not want more -- and we hug and he touches my breasts, but there is no sex? He knows that I am inexperienced, and that no man has ever touched me before. We are very attracted to each other physically. However, I have very strong feelings for him emotionally, which he does not return. Is this healthy?

Answer

It sounds as though you and your friend are on two different wave-lengths. Friendship does not include sexual play -- unless you are prepared for the consequences. You say that you are inexperienced and physically and emotionally attracted to him. However, the feelings are not mutual. Your inexperience would suggest that you are putting yourself in jeopardy, or, as the saying goes, you are playing with fire. Perhaps you might consider establishing clear boundaries of what is acceptable behavior given the mutually agreed upon nature of the friendship. Until the ground-rules change, and the relationship becomes more equal, you might consider staying away from anything that would stir the flames of passion.

3/5/98