Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am in my first serious relationship. To be with him, I moved away from my home. As a result, I need some attention and loving. When I tell me boyfriend this, he laughs and ignores me. Have I made a mistake?

Answer

It is a serious matter if one person expresses his/her needs and the other person refuses to discuss the issue. Perhaps your boyfriend fears that he cannot meet your needs. If so, however, he needs to be more upfront with you about that fear. If he really is uninterested in meeting your needs, then perhaps it's time to move on. What you might want to try first, though, is to see if your boyfriend would be willing to see a therapist with you. If so, that might be worth trying to see if improved communication can make the relationship more satisfying.

03/06/99