Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am in a two year relationship. Early on, my boyfriend was unfaithful. I believe I have gotten over that. However, he continues to be flirtatious. He says he enjoys having these kinds of relationships. He denies having been unfaithful again. How can I cope?

Answer

In a committed relationship, flirtation is playing with fire. I would wonder what this need of your boyfriend's is about. Perhaps he enjoys a sense of power. Perhaps he is actually insecure and needs the attention that can come with flirtation. You and he may need to sit down with a counselor who can perhaps help your boyfriend and you better understand this need. Whatever the underlying motivator is, if it is not properly addressed then the flirtation will likely continue and you need to decide whether you want to live with it. There is nothing wrong with you because you are bothered by it.

01/27/99

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.