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Question

I am about to be married but my fiance does not want to take on my name. Is there anything in the Bible to support her notion?

Answer

People over the centuries have been able to find something in the Bible to support just about anything. Sadly, I have heard many men use St. Paul's words "wives, be submissive to your husbands" as justification for all kinds of destructive attitudes and behavior. Interestingly, many men do not know what comes right after those words of Paul. He next says "Husbands, love your wives." We need only go from there to 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. This Chapter is often quoted at weddings but then people seem to forget it. So you may want to look at that passage to see what it suggests for you as far as what is truly important in a marriage.

At a more human level, is the issue of name becoming a power struggle between the two of you? If so, perhaps some pre-marital counselling might be of value to help you both develop the communication skills necessary to negotiate such struggles in a marriage.

I am not aware of anything specific in Scripture about this question. However, you may want to look at Matthew 22: 23-32. This is the story about the woman who was married to a succession of brothers and the question centered around whom she would be married to in the afterlife. Jesus' response could be taken to mean that the changing of a name is irrelevant in the larger scheme of things.

12/07/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.