Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am concerned about two particular problems in my life, which are probably connected in some way:

1. I believe I am lazy. I am constantly putting things off and I can't seem to get things done that need to be done;

2. I can't figure out what to do with my life. Any thoughts?

Answer

First of all, the trouble you have with putting things off may not be due to laziness. That may be one reason why people avoid doing things but there are other reasons I'd like you to consider. Sometimes people fear making mistakes or doing something imperfectly and so put it off. Thus, procrastinating can sometimes be a form of perfectionism. The fact that you call yourself lazy suggests the kind of hard judgment of self that one can also see with perfectionism. Another related cause of putting things off can be depression.

As for the future, it occurs to me that you might be stuck on trying to make "the right decision." In our achievement-oriented society, I have seen increasing numbers of young adults who are paralyzed regarding career decisions, mainly because of fearing that they might make a bad choice. Again, this can be the lurking face of perfectionism.

This might sound a little odd to you but one thing you could do to help yourself would be to practice making mistakes. Put the wrong date on a check. Overcook the dinner a little. Such small harmless mistakes can ease the pressure of perfectionism, especially if we can also laugh about such mistakes. Also practice affirming yourself for something you've done well each day.

What about the possibility of depression? If you tend to feel blue or hopeless, have some disturbance in your sleeping and eating habits, are prone to crying jags, etc., consider consulting with a professional for assistance. Medication might be of help, but you may also have to examine for the possibility of perfectionism.

10/05/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.