Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I've been dating a wonderful woman for the last six months. We're compatible in many ways, but there's one big problem. My girlfriend wants me to dance with her. I can't dance and don't particularly want to learn. I feel silly worrying about this, but we're starting to talk about a long-term commitment and I'm afraid this is a real stumbling block. What do you recommend?

Answer

There's nothing wrong with looking at possible barriers to a successful long-term relationship before making a commitment. Have you and your girlfriend talked about your worries? If not, it's time you did, for two reasons. First, you need to find out whether she sees your lack of interest in dancing as a barrier to a long-term commitment. Second, you'll learn more about how well the two of you communicate about your differences. That's important information.

If you'd like to learn more about how other couples deal with issues in their relationships, I recommend Lesbian Couples, by D. Merilee Clunis and G. Dorsey Green. It's published by Seal Press.

03/13/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.