Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

Is sexual orientation genetic? In other words, are we born that way or not?

Answer

I'm so glad you asked. This is a question that's a source of great controversy, and it doesn't have a simple answer.

Before I get to the question, a few definitions: Sexual behavior is what people do. Sexual identity is what you call yourself. Sexual orientation is the enduring pattern of attraction you feel throughout your life.

Here's an example. A woman may be sexually active with men early in her life and call herself heterosexual. This may happen even though she has always felt strongly attracted to other women and feels very little attraction to men. Then, later in life, she may become involved with a woman and call herself bisexual. Sometime after that she may identify as a lesbian.

Now back to your question. When the popular press covers this question, it's usually to report the results of one particular research study. Unfortunately, that's not the best way to get a thoughtful answer to your question. What scientists do is to review *all* the available data, pro and con, and base their answers on the totality of the evidence.

There is some evidence that sexual orientation, at least in some people, has a genetic component. However, it is also true that the question of how sexual orientation is determined is complex and does not have a simple answer.

Now, having given you a complicated answer to your question, I want to express a simple opinion. We have allowed other people to make this question much more important than it should be. What matters is how people treat each other, *not* the genders of the people involved. What matters in the long run, as Fred Small wrote in his song "Everything Possible," is the love you leave behind.

3/14/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.