Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

My partner and I have been together for over 4 years, and I don't know what happened to the wonderful relationship we had. I fell for her because she was so easy to talk to and now we hardly talk at all. She's been real depressed since her surgery, but she's been taking medicine for depression so I thought the depression would go away. We fight all the time. Please help.

Answer

Sounds like it's been a rough time for both of you. It's no fun living with someone who is severely depressed, and it's no fun being depressed. There are several different questions you might want to explore. Do you have good support systems? Friends, a member of the clergy, relatives? If not, you need to find people to talk with. None of us functions well in isolation. Do the two of you need help with communication? If so, couples counseling might be appropriate. Is your partner's depression related to the surgery? If so, she might want to consider finding a therapist. Also, if your partner thinks the antidepressant isn't working, has she told whoever is prescribing it?

If either or both of you decide to look for a psychotherapist, try either the nearest gay and lesbian center or, if you're in the U.S., your state psychological association for a referral.

03/13/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.