Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

How can I tell if someone I am dating on-line is really sincere in our discussions?

Answer

Well, you can't. That's a serious problem. But there are certain things you can do to protect yourself until you have figured out whether or not someone is trying to deceive you.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Ask about all spheres in a person's life. There even are books available for making you think of questions to ask a potential romantic interest on-line. Buy one. It's worth the $10 or so. But in general, you want to know history of: employment, health, education, family, friendships, and previous romantic involvements.
2. Accept the fact that you might actually be talking to someone who is completely fabricating his/her story. If this happens, don't be surprised. Expect it from the start, and you will be less disappointed. Look for discrepancies in the answers you get to the questions above.
3. If you notice discrepancies, point them out, and don't necessarily believe the response you get. Just note the response for future reference. But keep that red flag up, no matter how well the discrepancy is explained. Some people are good liars. When you get too many discrepancies, even if they are well explained, disengage.
4. Make sure you talk to your on-line and off-line friends about what is happening. If they all think you are going overboard, take a break for a week or two. You won't die.
5. Meanwhile, ask around about the person who interests you. Collect data from as many sources as you can.
6. If you get hounded while you are taking a break, this is just another red flag. Don't answer until the requested time out has past. Count the number of times you were hounded.
7. Sincerity will make itself known over time, in the absence of many red flags.
8. Explore, but don't give out personal information that will make you easily located geographically. Use anonymous web sites for chat and e-mail communication.
9. Overall, play it safe, and you won't be sorry.