Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

Could you recommend some specific books or resources on the general topic of dealing with aging parents? A couple of areas that I am interested in are advocating for your parent within the medical system and how to help them when they don't seem to want to do much anymore even though their health will allow.

Answer

There are many materials on the market that advice on how to help care for aging parents. Advocating for your parents in relation to the medical profession is an area in which you need to know the right questions to ask and the symptoms that concern you the most.

First you must look for changes. It is advisable to find a physician that works with geriatric patients. Never accept an Answer that the problem is age. A full screening is necessary. A doctor should test for reflexes, motor functioning and cognitive functioning. Lab test are important to determine if there are any causes such as B12 deficiency, anemia, thyroid function, infections, that could cause cognitive problems. Scans to take pictures of the brain can determine if there is damage from strokes, clots, and tumors, or of a building up of spinal fluid. Ask questions -- no matter how simple they may seem, Ask! Take notes on what the doctor says. You may have to do some research on your own. Consider yourself part of a team -- work with the doctor and understand that finding the right medication or the proper diagnosis can take time. Don't push the doctor into prescribing drugs out of frustration without giving time to understand the precise situation of your parent. Never hesitate to get a second opinion. The fact that your parents are not doing as much as they are able may be a sign of an underlying depression, something common for older people. A physician needs to be sensitive to this as well.

Some books to look at are:

• Taking Care of Your aging Family Members -- A Practical Guide
  by Wendy Lustbader and Nancy R. Hooyman (The Free press, 1994)
• Growing Older and Wiser by Nathan Billig (Lexington Books, 1993)

Internet sites which can give you information and link you to areas of your specific concerns, are:

Caregiver Survivor Resources

You can also look at the articles in SelfhelpMagazine.com in the Library under Aging and Aging Parents which address some of the issues:

3/12/98

Emily Carton MA, LISW, is a licensed social worker who works with Elder Options, a private care social service firm in the DC Metropolitan Area. She is also an is an intern in Bibliotherapy at St. Elizabeth's Hospital in Washington D.C.