SelfhelpMagazine Support Communities is the largest and oldest of support communities founded by a licensed psychologist and developed by hundreds of volunteer professionals as a "labor of love" in an effort to create a safe and nurturing environment for you.http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/index.phpWed, 15 Oct 2008 13:15:42 -0700 Phorum 5.2.7 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114209,114209#msg-114209 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114209,114209#msg-114209
First, he brings up my ex-husband on a daily basis. While I have explained and attempted to assure him that my ex is a nonentity, my new friend insists on bringing him up. Most of the time he tries to make a joke out of it but I feel that he is serious. I have asked him to please stop bringing him up because I am very much interested in trying to build a relationship with him ...not my ex.
Secondly, he has asked on several occassions why an attractive woman would not have been involved with anyone for 2-years. I have explained that I was hurt by the way my 12-year marriage ended especially with the adultery and deliberate attempts to hurt me engaged in by my ex. Due to that hurt, I needed to heal, put the demise of marriage in perspective, and make whatever changes in my life that were necessary to ensure that I came out of it happy and healthy. I further explained that I did not feel it fair to get involved with another individual until I was emotionally healed and free of virtually all of that baggage. Hence, the 2-years of no dating. Still, he insists that he cannot understand why I have chosen to be with him when, according to him, I can have any man that I want. ...I have explained on several occassions that I am currently with the man that I want and that is all that matters.
Lastly, he has asked about other men showing an interest in me. I have stated that while I have met and communicated with other men, I found that many were not sincere in their intentions or we just were not looking for the same things at this juncture. Still, he seems too concerned about my interest in dating others. Again, I have attempted to alleviate his concerns by expressing my desire to pursue a relationship with him and him alone.

I find him handsome but am concerned as to whether he is displaying signs of low self-esteem? ...And/or is he simply afraid of getting his feelings involved in this relationship only to be possibly hurt by me if I should find someone he perceives to be "better"? I believe him to be sincere in his interest of me and I am definitely sincere in my interest of him, but we all know that mistrust can ruin a good thing. Thoughts???]]> MissP Sex & RelationshipsWed, 15 Oct 2008 12:52:49 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114175,114175#msg-114175 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114175,114175#msg-114175
I have only two things to say:

We are in desperate need of a good leader right now.

Strong leaders have strong brains and strong hearts, and a balanced connection between the two. Brains and hearts come in standard issue colors, regardless of the skins that wrap them.]]> Frank Terrorism & PoliticsTue, 14 Oct 2008 15:51:48 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114173,114173#msg-114173 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114173,114173#msg-114173 jimbob101 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransMon, 13 Oct 2008 14:00:54 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114150,114150#msg-114150 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114150,114150#msg-114150The comment below is from Marty Klein, Ph.D. This is his opinion, and I agree with him. What's your opinion?

Chicago school officials held a hearing last week to help determine whether or not the city will open a high school catering to gay, lesbian and transgender kids.

Those in favor argue it will reduce violence against gay teens, lowering their risk of injury, absenteeism, and substance abuse. Opponents call it a municipal endorsement of homosexuality, which they say is wrong.

Some gay advocates argue against it from a totally different direction, saying it marginalizes gay kids, making them invisible. This is really closer to the point.

The way to make gay kids safer is not by hiding them in a protected environment-it's integrating them into the social system of their schools. When straight people have gay friends, gay kids won't get harassed any more than their straight peers. When gay kids are known as Kevin and Maria rather than the homo dude or the lesbo chick, they'll be tormented only as much as anyone else in their high school.

All teens need to learn empathy. That means resonating with the humanity of people who seem different from us. The rich kid might hate his face; a young woman with large breasts might feel as embarrassed as her flat-chested classmate; a kid in a wheelchair can feel horny and ignored; and a gay kid can feel overwhelmed by teasing.

Straight kids need to know more about the lives of gay kids. And gay kids need to build relationships with straight kids--since they will live in a world with mostly straight people.

Gay people don't have a "gay problem" any more than German Jews had a "Jewish problem" or Alabama blacks had a "black problem." Gay kids don't need a ghetto or a plantation--they just need normal life. For better or worse, high school is the closest any 15-year-old is going to get.


Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 11 Oct 2008 18:05:50 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114149,114149#msg-114149 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114149,114149#msg-114149
Just for the record, I am pro-choice. My third girl-friend had an abortion, fetus by her previous boyfriend and funding by me. I never regretted giving her the cash. She's kept in touch with me all these years, and she's been grateful all this time, too. She's gotten herself a great education, profession, and now, family. She did it all on her time, and that's was the right thing for her. What would have been right for that, fetus, we will never know. She made that choice and I supported it, both financially and emotionally.
Jimmy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yet Another Sneaky Law Designed to Discourage Abortion

Politics, as they say, makes strange bedfellows. No odd couple could be odder than Senator Sam Brownback ('premarital sex leads to depression and suicide', 'porn warps the brain') and Senator Ted Kennedy (insert your own tasteless joke about the condition of his brain).

And yet they're cosponsors of the Prenatally and Postnatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act, which now awaits President Bush's signature.

The bill requires parents whose fetus is diagnosed with a profound impairment to receive information on the condition and on available support services. It also establishes a registry of families willing to adopt special needs children.

Why is this law necessary? Doesn't good medical practice provide information patients need? Doesn't good patient education provide information about local services?

The hypocrisy of this law is stunning.

Some 80-90% of fetuses diagnosed with Down's syndrome, spina bifida, and cystic fibrosis are aborted. Brownback sees this as a tragedy, cynically decrying how "America is poorer because of this . . . without [these childrens'] amazing gifts and their wonderful, unconditional love."

Of course, bearing such a child is certainly a viable option for parents who choose it. But Brownback doesn't mention the marriages torn apart, the families damaged, the opportunities for education, healthcare, and intimacy lost by parents (and their living children) who choose the option of bearing a severely disabled child. Isn't America "poorer because of this?"

Eighty to ninety percent--that's an amazing level of consensus about anything, which no politician or consumer advertiser could possibly create if they tried. Clearly, couples and families of all kinds, in every kind of circumstance, make the (often difficult) decision to abort these pregnancies.

Brownback, Kennedy, and their Congressional colleagues have intervened in the complex realities of these families. The law requires "patient education" that is not required for people seeking plastic surgery or hip replacements--both of which are far, far more dangerous and intrusive than abortion.

If Brownback is so concerned about undermining "the diversity of American life," he can start by reforming his punitive stance on immigration, his ignorant stance on maternity and paternity leave, and his discriminatory stance on funding health care for the poor.

No, his position is that the health of those not yet born is far more important than the welfare of those already born. Unable (as yet) to criminalize abortion, he is using the sneaky ploy of demonizing specific reasons for abortion, discouraging those who seek it through guilt and intimidation. Attempting to simply criminalize abortion is far more honest and honorable.

Kennedy should put his personal issues aside and support families as they currently exist, rather than attempt to legislate how families should look. He should be ashamed of ending up in bed with Brownback, a consistent enemy of what Kennedy has always stood for--science, justice, privacy, and women's rights.

The idea that America needs more profoundly disabled children is bizarre and dystopian. The idea that the government should be deciding whose fetus should be given special consideration is not humane--and certainly not "conservative."

And if you don't believe in abortion--I support you 100% in not having one. Preserving choices like yours is what makes America great.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org)]]> Jimmy Terrorism & PoliticsWed, 15 Oct 2008 12:44:15 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114148,114148#msg-114148 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114148,114148#msg-114148~~~~~~~~
The Wall Street Journal called me for an interview this week.

In South Africa, everything that goes wrong is blamed on a half-century of apartheid. In the Arab world, everything is blamed on Israel and the Jews. And in America, everything is blamed on internet pornography.

Since 2000, "morality" groups, cynical politicians, misinformed feminists, and lazy journalists have claimed that internet porn was causing America's ills: destroying marriages, tearing apart families, causing violence. These folks were--and continue to be--blissfully, willfully ignorant of the facts: that while America was being flooded with internet pornography, the rates of divorce, suicide, rape, and child sexual exploitation remained stable. None of these is worse now than it was eight years ago.

But the demonization of sexuality and pornography continues.

When the Wall Street Journal asked for an interview, I assumed it was about the psychological or sexual impact of America's financial crisis. Wrong--it was about "sex addiction." Yes, the largest economy in human history is melting (along with the planet), and the Wall Street Journal sends a reporter to cover so-called "sex addiction" and "porn addiction."

So in addition to freeway traffic, the awful lines in airports, the decline in kids' reading scores, and the poor performance of the New York Yankees, apparently you can also blame our economic disaster on sex--out of control, selfish, destructive sex.

That's America's real sexual addiction--blaming everything on sex.

To see the (rather lame) article, click here.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Terrorism & PoliticsWed, 15 Oct 2008 12:12:03 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114133,114133#msg-114133 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114133,114133#msg-114133Dr. Marty Klein has just issued his most recent newsletter, which i try to paste into our forums on a regular basis to get your reactions. This article is particularly interesting to me because of the judge's conclusion about Mr. Hallacy's need to register as a sex offender. what's your opinion in this case?

Dr, Klein states:

Just how dangerous is a guy who had sex with a sheep?

Michigan county prosecutor John Hallacy says it's in the same category as sexually exploiting a child or sexually assaulting an adult.

Jeffrey Haynes is already in prison (for 2½-20 years) for what state judges describe as his "abominable and detestable crime against nature." But that isn't enough for Hallacy, who is dismayed that Haynes doesn't have to register as a sex offender--because his victim isn't a human.

Haynes' activity "exemplifies a dangerous and deviant behavior that ought to fall under the registry requirements," says the prosecutor, who has clearly thought a great deal about sex and sheep. Or sex and this particular sheep; it isn't clear which.

Haynes is no Boy Scout (well, perhaps he is), having previously been convicted of burglary and forgery. But he has no prior sex-related arrests. Nevertheless, a county prosecutor has decided that Haynes is so dangerous that after leaving prison he should report his whereabouts and keep away from children, parks, and churches.

Perhaps Hallacy is afraid Haynes' "deviant behavior" will prove so intriguing to others that there will be an epidemic of sheep-sodomy. Or perhaps Hallacy doesn't realize that his amateur psychoanalysis linking sheep sodomy with child sodomy is pathetically amateurish, verging on Entertainment Tonight gossip. And simply wrong.

Freud first mapped the defense mechanism he called "projection" in 1895-in which a person, anxious to distance himself from feelings too troubling to acknowledge, attributes those feelings to someone else. We can't really say why Hallacy finds the (admittedly peculiar) Haynes-lambchop sex so frightening. But his determination to see Haynes as a rapist and to subject him to lifelong punishment is rather interesting.

If Hallacy wants to visit Haynes to discuss their respective sex lives, there's no need to involve the criminal justice system. A simple invitation to coffee would probably do.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Sexual Abuse & MolestationFri, 10 Oct 2008 23:37:14 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114132,114132#msg-114132 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114132,114132#msg-114132For those of you who share my interest in the writings of Dr. Marty Klein, here is his latest commentary on Sarah Palin. I'm curious to hear your reaction!

Dr. Klein states:

I am stunned by the number of seemingly-rational people who want to vote for Sarah Palin "because she's a woman." It's about time, they say. It'll be exciting, they say.

These people need a course in how democracy is supposed to work.

Take Iraq. Elections there are meaningless because tribal and ethnic loyalty outranks any other consideration. Given the chance to vote, Sunnis "vote" for the Sunni candidate, Shias "vote" for the Shia candidate, and so on. It's the same in the regressive parts of the Balkans: Ethnic Albanians voting for ethnic Albanians, ethnic Serbs voting for ethnic Serbs, etc.. No consideration of candidates' strengths or what they stand for. In such societies you don't need an election, just a census.

The second Sarah Palin takes office, she won't be a "woman"--she'll be an ideology, whether it's pro-war, anti-choice, anti-glacier, or anti-moose. She'll be a philosophy. She'll be beholden to her major donors. It won't matter if she's a woman, a man, or some other gender.

People who imagine she'll be loyal to some concept of gender are completely misguided. There is no consensus among American women about what they want from a President, anyway. Whether it's about abortion, education, or the right to nurse in public, American women are divided. There is no "women's issue" on which a "woman" president can confidently depend.

The only good reason to vote for Palin is agreement with her ideas about running the country--you know, start a few holy wars, drill for more oil, and wait for the Rapture to announce who won. Voting for her because "it's about time" a woman had a chance is like driving your car off a cliff because "it's about time" you had some excitement. That appears to be Los Angeles N.O.W. President Shelly Mandell's reasoning. She isn't a traitor to women--she's a traitor to thinking.

Of course, there were plenty of people who wanted Hillary Clinton for president because she's a woman. This was equally foolish. Clinton is no more a "woman" than Palin--her presidency would also be driven by ideology rather than ovaries, albeit a different ideology. And just as Palin's nomination should get no cheers from people interested in peace, justice, or civil rights, Clinton's almost-nomination shouldn't have pleased conservatives who happen to be women.

America is in bad enough shape without using the tribal allegiances of a Kosovo, a Rwanda, Macedonia, or South Ossetia to choose our leaders. I don't care if the finger on the nuclear button sports nail polish or calluses; I want the finger attached to someone who will defend the Constitution rather than shred it.

People who vote for a candidate's gender, race, or ethnicity don't understand democracy. Maybe the reason America hasn't been able to export democracy lately is because we don't have nearly enough of our own.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Terrorism & PoliticsSat, 11 Oct 2008 14:01:57 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,114112,114112#msg-114112 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,114112,114112#msg-114112
Thanks!!]]> katrinakat Health, Healthy Ideas and RecipesThu, 09 Oct 2008 16:23:02 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,114111,114111#msg-114111 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,114111,114111#msg-114111
Just wanted to bring up something that has turned out to be very important to me. I have been on meds for depression for a long time. I firmly believe this is a chemical imbalance in me which can be aggravated by events. Various times through the years I have needed to be in therapy and have found great insight and comfort from it but other times it is not associated with a particular event just life! Anyway about 4 weeks ago my depression caved in on me and I was almost totally unable to function. To go back a few months my doctor changed my antidepressants and I thought I was doing ok but when this happened I realized that I have no ability to judge how I am being affected. My husband said after the crash that he assumed work was overwhelming me, I am in Human Services and with the economy being what it is we are being bombarded with new applicants etc so it was a reasonable assumption. As he is also a social worker he felt bad that he did not realize how bad it was but again we are both swamped and he sees me daily - obviously - and sometimes these depression valleys are hard to track on a day to day basis.

So my doctor weaned me off the drug I had been on (Lexapro) and put me on Cymbalta. I am only 3 weeks into the new drug and already can feel the difference.

What I really want to say is if someone in your life suffers from depression and you notice things that seem to be out of the norm - please bring it up. If you must say it more than once please do it. I have no issues with my depression and will not fault anyone for asking if I seem to be not as well as I could be. Care enough to talk to someone. I am also aware that some people do not want to hear it but don't give up - it is too easy to lose someone to this terrible disease!

Thanks all!]]> Annette Depression & BipolarThu, 09 Oct 2008 16:11:22 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114106,114106#msg-114106 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,114106,114106#msg-114106
I remember shortly after 9/11 I couldn't find a car without an American flag on the windshield or antenna. Some were bigger than others, like Old Glory mounted in the back of pick-ups. Lizzie and I even talked about this craze at the time way back yonder days. Where did they all go? They've been gone for quite some time. Gregg did not go that route, and people would ask me, "why don't you got one, of all people why don't you fly one in your living room window also?" I viewed it as Patriotism on the Cheap. I knew it wouldn't last.
Even if Mission had been Accomplished it wouldn't last. That's the American way and the fickle nature of our people and especially on the subject of War.

But all that's given way to another Cheap. Were you fur it or against it? If you were fur it, you were stupid, if you were aganist it, you were enlightened? Really? Don't think so. Being against it was a gamble, nothing more or less. Unless you were an anti-war peacenik who wouldn't fight over your wife being taken hostage, it was a gamble to be against it. Win some, lose some.

Where did all those pro-War and flag waving Patriots go? They are enlightened yet again in another direction and have hidden the past, won't talk about or lie about the past. Those same Americans are the fickle voting block in a free society.

That war was supposed to be easy and quick. We had the Gulf War victory in our sights and Nam? Well, Nam was that War when America was weak, wasn't it.
We had already delivered a quick knockout punch to Iraq once before and this one was for keeps. You never hear people talking about being against the Gulf War do you?

For the next 10 years, Bush Sr. was reminded and taunted for his decision not to go into Baghdad when he had a chance. Where are all those ninnies at today? Bush Sr. had the perfect and common sense strategy at the time. "To go into Baghdad, break down the govt infrastructure of Iraq would be not only to prolong a tenuous War, but run the risk of a broader confict." Bush Sr. was seen as weak from that moment on by many of the same flag waving Patriots who have changed their colors today, and now against it.

Ggg]]> Gregg Terrorism & PoliticsThu, 09 Oct 2008 11:57:48 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114057,114057#msg-114057 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114057,114057#msg-114057he is trying to turn every conversation into a sexual theme...what I'd be willing to do...what my experiences were in previous relationships...etc. Then he became rude asking me what my boob size is and for pictures. I asked him if he were really interested in having sex with me. But, he made it clear that he wasn't. So, I asked him why he continually talks about it as if we will then. Suddenly, he quit writing to me. Obviously, he had one thing in mind...sex over the internet. Am I right to assume that this guy I adored in school is now a sex addict? He kind of hurt my feelings several times with his inappropriate advances and then abruptly stopping any contact. I'm a little confused and baffled.]]> vintagechic.us Sex & RelationshipsSat, 11 Oct 2008 02:17:00 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114050,114050#msg-114050 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,114050,114050#msg-114050 oufma Sex & RelationshipsWed, 15 Oct 2008 03:24:55 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?73,114017,114017#msg-114017 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?73,114017,114017#msg-114017
So if anyone can use it, (often those in an abusive relationship, or gone from one in which the stalker for whatever mad reason can't let go), the site is:

www.ESIA.net

While I hope nobody needs to check it out, I hope it is helpful to anyone who may need to take a look. I have found it useful.]]> Dini Psychotherapy and CounselingSun, 05 Oct 2008 08:59:52 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114004,114004#msg-114004 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114004,114004#msg-114004
I am worried that many people will not bother to think beyond the obvious, and without knowing it, vote in favor of denying any America citizen the same protections that everyone else has. Gaus and lesbians are delied over 150 tax breaks that straight people get. over a lifetime, that is a lot of money. We also are denied a lot of social benefits, emotional benefits and legal protections.

This is a civil rights issue, not a religious issue. We live in the United States of America. We should not be using our legal system to vote on religious issues.

That's how I feel, anyway.

What's your feeling on this issue?]]> Lily Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransFri, 03 Oct 2008 19:31:10 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?33,113989,113989#msg-113989 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?33,113989,113989#msg-113989I would be grateful for any advise on how to stop this

THANKS!]]> earthward82 Eating DisordersSun, 05 Oct 2008 16:15:46 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?121,113979,113979#msg-113979 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?121,113979,113979#msg-113979I still have good work ethics but I take off more to rest and get away from the negativity in the office.

My issue with my boss is that, I feel he doesn't respect me. When I talk to him he rushes what I have to say or he rolls his eyes. Then he tells me to hurry up.

The other day I had the same conversation once with him and once with another manager. The conversation with my boss got loud and heated and he didn't want to hear anything just blame me for not doing his job for him. The other manager understood what I was saying the how to resolve the problem my boss and other managers are having with a new software system.

My boss would rather blame me than listen to a resolution and bring the possible solution to a staff meeting to discuss.

Now he wants to talk to me. When I go to him to say did he want to talk it's always not now. He's either reading his newspaper or has 2 hours prior to a meeting which he says isn't enough time for the talk he wants to have with me.

Maybe I should just stop caring so much.

I have hundreds of hours of leave and when I put in for leave he gets mad and doesn't talk to me the day before I take off and 3 days after my return.

I am 56 years old and planning to retire next July because I don't want stress in my life anymore. I never realized how easy it is to get diagnosed with stress related cancer.]]> ddallas AnnouncementsTue, 07 Oct 2008 13:32:49 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,113959,113959#msg-113959 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,113959,113959#msg-113959 chucks58 Sex & RelationshipsFri, 10 Oct 2008 18:40:14 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113914,113914#msg-113914 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113914,113914#msg-113914
Ran across this in the archives and thought of you on the "eastern estuary." Learned this from one of my dads and had friends ask me about it enough times over the years that I finally wrote it down.

HOME STYLE NEW ENGLAND
CLAM AND/OR FISH CHOWDER

The basic principle to bear in mind in making a home-style New England clam and or fish chowder (properly pronounced “chowda”) is that it is the clam/fish broth which flavors the brew. It is of paramount importance to reserve the broth in which the clams/fish were cooked as it is the entire basis of the proceeding. Manhattan clam chowder is a blasphemous heresy which is nothing more than vegetable soup masquerading as a chowder, and thick, creamy, overly potatoey and gooey “clam chowder” is undoubtedly the brainchild of a Midwestern marketing executive for Campbell’s Soup. Neither substance remotely resembles anything a New Englander born prior to 1960 would recognize as real home made clam/fish chowder.

As with most home recipes there are variations, but the common key is the use of the broth. This particular version is basic and authentic. It was taught to me by Jim S (1912-1987), a wonderful man, New Englander to the core, and a soup and chowda man without peer. At the age of 11 and 12 I would go clamming at low tide and fishing at high, returning with numerous quahogs and various porgy (known to New Englanders as scup). The state of our waters at that time was such that one didn’t need to be noticeably talented or particularly well equipped to bring home a decent catch – clam necks on a hand-line would quite often do the job. My job was to clean and fillet the fish and then assist and observe in making a clam/fish chowda, fried scup, and baked stuffed clams (although I caught sight of most of the recipe for this, several “secret ingredients” were never divulged during Jim’s lifetime and were rendered unrecognizeable in the hand-crank meat-grinder. This was also true of his turkey stuffing). The means of instruction involved a combination of the Socratic method (his favorite method of teaching), osmosis and laughter (which he always highly encouraged and caused to occur often).



INGREDIENTS

Clams – Preferably “little necks” or “steamers” if you can get them. Otherwise larger quahogs or the smaller “manila” clams will do. Razor clams will work though the broth is not as good and they are more difficult to deal with. If you happen to be in Seattle, don’t even think about a geoduck.

Fish – Any good flaky white meat fish will do – flounder, haddock, cod, rock cod, perch, etc.).

All of the following ingredients are to taste and consistency desired. Bear in mind that the more potatoes and cream (half and half) the thicker the chowda will become. I use very little taters, but that's my personal taste. Other vegetable matter may also be added as desired.

Onions
Celery
Potatoes
Fresh Dill
Salt & Pepper
Butter
Half & Half or Cream (I use half and half - if you use milk you would have to use more)

1. Clean clams of any dirt and beards. A pot scrubber brush works nicely.

2. Par-boil taters. Dice and set aside.

3. Clean, fillet fish as necessary. Cut into decent size chunks. Set aside.

4. Take large pot and fill with clams. Add water to top level of clams. Boil to cook clams (ONLY until clams JUST open – and they do not have to be wide open – just so the shell parts. Do not continue past this point – it only makes them rubbery). Take off heat. Pour off broth to another large container. Let sit.

5. Remove clams from shell and set aside. (Do not place in frig – they will get too rubbery).

6. Take diced onions and celery (and any other veggies you desire) and braise in butter lightly.

7. Pour clam broth back into original large pot taking care not to pour in the bottom portion (it will contain the silt which will have settled to the bottom). If you have more than you need for the chowda, drink up, it tastes great. NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISCARD ANY BROTH. TO DO SO IS HERESY PUNISHABLE BY A FORCED DIET OF MACDONALD’S PRODUCTS FOR LIFE. Heat broth to simmer but do not boil.

8. When broth is warm add fish. Do not boil.

9. When fish is cooked add clams, potatoes, onions and celery and a touch of FRESH dill. Do not boil.

10. Add half and half, salt and pepper and butter to taste. Did I say do not boil?

11. Serve warm.

ENJOY.]]> Dini Health, Healthy Ideas and RecipesWed, 08 Oct 2008 11:41:39 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113875,113875#msg-113875 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113875,113875#msg-113875New Study of Splenda and Sucralose Reveals Shocking New Information About Potential Harmful Effect on Humans
MINNEAPOLIS, Sept. 22, 2008 -- James Turner, chairman of the national consumer education group Citizens for Health expressed shock and outrage after reading a new report from scientists at Duke University. "The report makes it clear that the artificial sweetener Splenda and its key component sucralose pose a threat to the people who consume the product. Hundreds of consumers have complained to us about side effects from using Splenda and this study, published this past week in the Journal of Toxicology and Environmental Health Part A, confirms that the chemicals in the little yellow package should carry a big red warning label," said Turner.


Among the results in the study by Drs. Mohamed B. Abou-Donia, Eman M. El-Masry, Ali A. Abdel-Rahman, Roger E. McLendon and Susan S. Schiffman is evidence that, in the animals studied, Splenda reduces the amount of good bacteria in the intestines by 50%, increases the pH level in the intestines, contributes to increases in body weight and affects the P-glycoprotein (P-gp) in the body in such a way that crucial health-related drugs could be rejected. Turner noted that the P-gp effect "could result in crucial medications used in chemotherapy for cancer patients, AIDS treatment and drugs for heart conditions being shunted back into the intestines rather than being absorbed by the body as intended."

The study was conducted using male rats over a period of twelve weeks. The manufacturers of Splenda also used a rat study when they applied for and received approval to market the product from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. At the time, the findings from their rat studies were extrapolated as to possible effects on humans. This is standard FDA practice and this study is consistent with that practice.

Turner said, "This report followed accepted policies and procedures and the results make clear the potential for disturbing side effects from the ingestion of Splenda. It is like putting a pesticide in your body. And this is at levels of intake erroneously approved by the Food and Drug Administration. A person eating two slices of cake and drinking two cups of coffee containing Splenda would ingest enough sucralose to affect the P-glycoprotein, while consuming just seven little Splenda packages reduces good bacteria." Although the effect of consuming Splenda does not result from a one time use, the side effects do occur after accumulated use. Turner also noted unmistakable evidence that Splenda is absorbed by fat, contrary to the claims of Johnson & Johnson.

Turner announced, "We are calling today on the FDA to immediately accept our petition filed over a year ago and initiate a review of its approval of sucralose and to require a warning label on Splenda packaging cautioning that people who take medications and/or have gastrointestinal problems avoid using Splenda. The new study makes it clear that Splenda can cause you to gain weight and lose the benefits of medications designed to improve and protect your health. The FDA should not continue to turn a blind eye to this health threat."

Citizens for Health will testify in Sacramento, CA, on October 3, 2008, before the California Assembly Committee on Health which is examining the use of deceptive advertising to promote sales of potentially unhealthy food additives, particularly artificial sweeteners.

About Citizens for Health

Citizens for Health (www.citizens.org) is an international non-profit consumer advocacy group working to broaden healthcare options, create an integrative health system based on wellness, and advance the freedom to make health choices. The group promotes the fundamental policies needed to improve health choices and information in the U.S. and internationally. The group works with grassroots and education organizations and partners to ensure consumer access to dietary supplements, safe foods, a healthy environment and a wide range of healing therapies. Citizens for Health fosters active citizen leadership and organizes natural health consumers to create political and legislative solutions that support those rights.]]> lizzie61 Health, Healthy Ideas and RecipesFri, 10 Oct 2008 14:50:37 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?112,113872,113872#msg-113872 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?112,113872,113872#msg-113872
No smoking on the Bus, No drinking on the bus, and be sure and carry ear phones. That's ok, nothing wrong with those regulations, but nothing in the regulations about discourteous drivers who are less than helpful. The ticket counter is almost a "do it yourself" job. Luggage? oh mann, be careful checking any luggage of value. The destinations and operations are at an all time low, when you'd think it would be at a high. I mean like, it's never been a beautiful ride, let's face it, the stops, the diners, the meat loaf and heaven forbid The Restroom facilities!! But why is this, is this Change in American and why?

To a more positive note. Most of the drivers are safety first, and not all are narly. It's just those you tend to remember, but almost all are good drivers. But they often tend to look burned-out on customer service.

The City bus system is more of the same but worse. True, it's a transiety group who ride city busses, but not all. Some decent folks ride the bus because they have to, but seldom do city bus systems have the public relations classes to teach this.

Next will be the Airline system which is of course deplorable today. But why if the Airlines fail, do the busses seem to fail worse? Was a day when a plane ride was something to look forward to. Stewardesses, yes that's right you lady feminist, "stewardesses." Beautiful ladies whose service about the plane was memorable. Today, anything goes, men, ladies less than gorgeous and many with an attitude.

This isn't all their fault, because the airline system has become a Shuttle thanks to low fares in the past, and boo coo planes in the air. The customers who ride planes are just a tad above the bus riders. Disrepsectful people in suits and ties.

It wasn't always this way. Was a time when flying was like a priveledge and treat. Amricans have just become too diversified, lazy, and are symbols of the Global 3rd World attitudes around us. Peanuts for lunch, no more free drinks, and chicken fried steak, let alone a good slice of Latin Lasagne.

Ggg]]> Gregg Open Chat for SocializingMon, 06 Oct 2008 06:57:10 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,113869,113869#msg-113869 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?106,113869,113869#msg-113869
I took note of Letterman the liberal making of fun of McCain's no show. But I remember another time about Letterman. I remember when he broke down boo hooing when remembering his recent heart bypass surgery. Here's a man, a liberal, with the best heart surgeon in the world doing a heart bypass and little Dave cried like a baby in his mommys arms. Dave lost credibility forever in Greggs eyes because Gregg remembers everything. That moment reminded me of when Dice Clay broke down in tears on Arsenio Hall, and his career ended that night.

McCain has done more segments and appearances on shows than any candidate in history, so reason to hug Obama and ask him about Dad? What else does this guy know?

Ggg]]> Gregg Terrorism & PoliticsWed, 08 Oct 2008 07:07:29 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113838,113838#msg-113838 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113838,113838#msg-113838
I grew up in a very health concious and strictly religious home. Both of my parents were dedicated to healthy living, we pretty much only ate raw fruit and veg and I am grateful for this great start I recieved...

My mother has suffered with what I consider to be phobias and anxieties hance the dedication to healthy living.

The thing is that I guess I was highly sexual as a child, and acted out sexually at various times in my life up until the age of 14. Strange in a family that was extremely repressed when it came to open sexual talks or ideas. I would even say that i behaved abusively as a child, recognising a need to be dominating.

When I was 19 I left the church and started to drink and smoke and all that stuff. I lost my virginity and during this time I 'realised' that I had been sexually abused. The thing was that this feeling seemed to stem around my father. I was open about it and went to counselling, although I could not remember any specific memory and to this day still cant. But the reasons why I felt this was because I became afraid of my father coming into my bedroom at night and would even sleep under the mattress in fear. ( around the age of 11-12?) This and other things like I couldnt feel comfortable with any physical contact with him from the age of 7?

Yet after counselling and no memory I started to feel bad that I had suggested that it could be him. During this time mind you my father called me a 'slut' to my brothers saying this is why I was saying these things. You must understand that my dad never ever swears or says things like this as he is an elder in the church. I felt devestated by this but also understood that if I was misguided I was potentially ruining his life with this.

In the mean time my mother has suffered all her adult life with OCD, quite severly....she would make our meals over and over in case glass fell in them ( probably why the food was mostly uncooked, easy to make from scratch) and various other traits. These compulsions led her to become gravely ill.

Over the years I have reassured my dad that there must have been something wrong with me, because up until the age of 7 or so he was my hero and I dont know what changed.

Then a memory hit me after my first child, and that was -I one of four children was given enimas. I am the only daughter and the only child to have recieved these 'treatments'.
I am also the only child to feel that I was sexually abused in the family.

I only have two memories of it although I am sure that there were more....but the first is my mother giving me one, and the feeling of being out of control with my body and running to the toilet, and the other is my mum telling my dad to and he saying ' I dont think I should she is getting close to puberty'.

Knowing my family the enimas were instigated by my mother. hence my dad saying he wouldnt give me one to her.

Does this make it sexual abuse if there was no sexual intent?

I cant imagine my mother sexualising it although my memories of the enimas are not very strong or clear.

Could my mothers OCD about health have been why she thought it was ok to give me enimas?

why was I the only child to recieve them and does this make it suspicious of sexual abuse?

My mother had an aversion to sex with my father and often gives me racy underwear even though I am not married and that would go against her morals and has done since i was 19. Last time she gave them to me at the dinner table infront of my dad! I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed especially considering how touchy the issue of sexuality is between my dad and I?

does anyone have experience in this kind of scenario? id appreciated your reflections on this.]]> hides Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 05 Oct 2008 16:43:11 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113824,113824#msg-113824 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?118,113824,113824#msg-113824
Here's the article from Scientific American:

Does the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have access to the data it needs to make informed decisions on approving drugs, or are drug companies cherry-picking the studies they publish to make their drugs look better than they actually are?

A new report in Monday's PLoS Medicine questions whether doctors and patients are getting objective information about whether a medicine works. That's because more than half of studies on government-approved medications—presumably the ones that show a drug doesn't work—are never published, and those that are show disproportionately positive results.

Just 43 percent of trials behind 90 drugs approved by the FDA were published in the medical journals most commonly consulted by doctors, according to the report by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco. Of those, 66 percent show the drugs are beneficial. The results are based on 909 clinical trials of medicines approved between 1998 and 2000.

"When trials are selectively published … it will skew the efficacy of the drug and make it look like it works better than it does," says Erick Turner, who co-authored another study on the issue published in January. "It's going to create a lot more enthusiasm among consumers of that information or in the words of Alan Greenspan, 'irrational exuberance.'"

So-called "positive publication bias" has been described before. Why this happens is unclear—optimism is a natural human instinct, so perhaps the desire to publish good news may be innate. (Except among us journalists, of course.) The theory is that drug company funding can ramp up that bias significantly. And previous findings by Turner—notably an analysis of information submitted to the FDA for approval of antidepressants—suggests there may be something to the theory.

His analysis published in the New England Journal of Medicine, for example, found that 69 percent of studies of commercially available antidepressants were published; of those, 94 percent conveyed positive results, compared to half of the trials the FDA considered in green-lighting the drugs for marketing. A third of the negative or questionable results of those trials were never published, that analysis found.

The researchers didn't identify the 90 drugs whose data they looked at in the current study. One of the authors, Ida Sim, says the selective publication practice is likely to be just as common for today's drugs as it was for those approved by a decade ago.

There may be hope for transparency on the horizon, says FDA spokeswoman Susan Cruzan: A 1-year-old law, the FDA Amendments Act of 2007 (FDAAA). The law, signed by President Bush last year, requires that all trials backing FDA-approved drugs and devices be registered on ClinicalTrials.gov, a Web site of the National Institutes of Health. Information including the demographics of trial participants, the number of people who drop out and outcomes of the measurements scientists say at registration that they'll be looking for in the study also must be made public on the site starting Saturday.

FDAAA was a Congressional response to hearings in which it became clear that companies were less likely to make results of studies that showed significant side effects public. The idea is that the public, and the FDA, can go back and check how many studies were started, the assumption being that if a given one wasn't published, the findings might have been negative, arguing against approving the drug.

But while the FDA releases a summary of information it uses in approving new drugs, it doesn't specify the trials it considered, notes Sim, an associate professor of medicine at the University of California San Francisco. FDAAA doesn't affect what information the agency releases when it gives its stamp of approval to the meds.

"It's critically important that we know trials exist and that we get the summary results, positive and negative, into the public domain—that's a huge step and more than any country is doing now," says Sim, citing the World Health Organization's International Clinical Trials Registry Platform that suggests guidelines for transparency in drug studies.

______________

Don't you think it's time that you write your legislators and demand that the FDA return to it's original purpose and position ( to protect consumers from unsafe foods and medications and monitor independent research studies) prior to the Bush Admin, quit working for pharma interests and start working for us? The FDA should NEVER allow any business to conduct it's own research on the products it is marketing and selling.]]> lizzie61 Health, Healthy Ideas and RecipesWed, 24 Sep 2008 12:50:57 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113815,113815#msg-113815 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113815,113815#msg-113815 Shxpereantheatre Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 05 Oct 2008 16:28:12 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,113811,113811#msg-113811 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,113811,113811#msg-113811
Some of his behaviours included:

-Committing suicide, as noted.

-Bouts of rage, when he would break things and punch holes in the wall. He would only break his things. His stereo, fish tank, walkman, etc.

-He never fit in at school, always acted like the class clown, had trouble making friends.

-He would go jogging for hours at a time. He played football in the fall, wrestling in the spring, baseball, soccer, weight lifting, bicycling. Always extremely active. He was a tremendous athlete.

-He would try hard in school but almost always get a failing grade.

-He had a hard time writing. I don't mean expressing himself or coming up with ideas. I mean with the actual physical act of writing. He wrote slowly and his handwriting looked awkward.

- He was obsessive about certain things. Like about saving money - he would not spend a dime of his own money on himself and would not let any one else spend money on him either. Like about health and nutrition - he would not put any alcohol or drugs in his body, not even aspirin, and was fanatic about what he would and wouldn't eat. Yet sometimes he would binge and eat an incredible amount of food.

-He was homeless for a time.

-He was hard to be around. He was always saying the wrong thing, the slightly inappropriate thing, the irritating thing. On a few occasions, when he had to change his clothes, he just did so in public.

-He would do anything, give up anything, to help someone else. But he was totally destructive to himself, often having dangerous mishaps.

-He refused to be given Xmas or birthday gifts. He refused to have anyone fly out to visit him when he was living in another state.]]> Frances Depression & BipolarSat, 04 Oct 2008 19:35:16 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?23,113791,113791#msg-113791 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?23,113791,113791#msg-113791
Any suggestions]]> AnnetteG Retirement and AgingTue, 30 Sep 2008 20:18:10 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,113735,113735#msg-113735 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,113735,113735#msg-113735
So, I am back to the slow process of titrating. I have mentioned this in both individual and group therapy (where there is another sober alky like me), but one of the feelings I am having about this is resentment. I have never abused the meds. Never taken more than prescribed, never saved them up for a wang-dang-doodle of a "prescribed high," etc. Yet, I find myself in this state of "dependency" which requires that I titrate and cannot simply just stop (if I want to function at all - not to mention feel halfway human). I did not feel this way when these particular meds were necessary; that was different because they were necessary, in both my opinion and that of psych doc. That's not an issue or problem nor do I have any negative feelings about that.........what I didn't expect, was that there would be such strong withdrawal effects and that such careful and lengthy titrating would be necessary.

It makes me feel "dependent" on drugs I no longer need but must take as part of the process to stop taking them (I know the rational answer lies in that sentence but it doesn't change how I feel). Yet, as a sober alky, I DO feel icky and resentful and really ambivalent about even this form of "dependency" on any drug which is not medically necessary. (Yes, I know, you can make the argument that it's medically necessary to avoid the withdrawal symptoms, such as the fact that I might have a seizure as was pointed out by psych doc).

Anybody else felt that way when titrating from meds? Or have any thoughts or comments?

I don't look forward to "needing" this stuff for one hour longer than necessary and really dislike "needing" ANY of it now. Part of that is simply me, who I am. Another part is the sober alky that I am; that I'm a "sober" alky yet have this form of dependence on meds/drugs that are no longer medically necessary. Sober and dependent?????????? Rationally, I can make that compute. Emotionally it is not adding up for me.

Thanks.]]> Dini Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSat, 20 Sep 2008 13:51:21 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,113722,113722#msg-113722 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?68,113722,113722#msg-113722
Quick background:

Last year, at just about this time, I was taken to a psych ward for a 72 hour hold. This is standard protocol,at least where I am, if a police officer is witness to your suicidal ideations. Unfortunately, that was the case for me. I live in a VERY small community so pretty much everyone knows this happened.

So this leads us to a couple of months ago. While I was at our local gym, an acquaintance asked me if I am on antidepressants. I told her yes, and we started talking a little bit about her problems. She had recently felt very bad and went to our local GP to get meds. She was more or less asking about side effects, etc. Since then when I see her, I always ask how she is doing. Not just that "going through the motions" asking, but the really wanting to know asking with eye contact!

Two nights ago, when I walked into the gym, she was there. She looked pretty down. She started talking about general things, and the conversation ended up turning to how bad she is feeling. She kept saying "I am just so tired!" This immediately brought tears to my eyes because that is exactly how I felt and what I kept telling everyone this time last year! I really tried to connect with her and let her know I REALLY know how she feels, not just trying know. I HAVE BEEN THERE! My heart was absolutely breaking for her because I know how hopeless I felt and she seemed to be in the same place I was.

Later that evening she texted me to say thanks for talking to her. I just reinforced that I am here and that I really understand. The next morning I texted her to just let her know I was thinking about her. When I saw her last night at the gym, she was on her cell phone the whole time. I am worried that now she is maybe feeling embarrassed for what she said. I know that it was always hard for me to face people after what I had been through.

I just want to hear ANY and ALL thoughts. I was worried I should have called the doctor that prescribed her meds, since we know each other. I don't know what I should do. I just know that I kept my feelings from people out of shame, and eventually I just blew. That's how I ended up in the hospital. (Which by the way was probably a good thing in the long run.) Anyway,I know I am rambling. I am just so worried about her and wish I could do something more for her. I know the terrible darkness she is feeling and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. (And that is a really bad person!)

Thanks!
C1]]> chronic1 Depression & BipolarSun, 21 Sep 2008 13:26:04 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,113715,113715#msg-113715 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?39,113715,113715#msg-113715
I am currently in a relationship which has lasted a few years so far, and may well last many, many more as I am going to be moving in with her. We are sexually active, and always have been, but my problem is that we have most definitley stopped having as much sex - though it would be far more accurate to say that I have felt a lot less like having it in the last year or so, compared to how much we used to. The problem is not at all that I do not like her, or that I feel she does not like me, or that I don't find her sexy or don't love her, because I do, very much so, which is why we are moving in together.

I have masturbated since I was around 11 years old, so I have been doing it for a long time (not continuously of course, that would be impossible...). When we first got together and started seeing a lot more of eachother, I still masturbated just as much as I used to (maybe at least once a day), though obviously not when I was with her. It never made me feel like I didn't want to have sex with her, and every time we met eachother I wanted to get her in bed as soon as possible. There was a lot of sexual energy and we would often follow up an evening of sex with a morning of it too before I had to leave.

We went through a bunch of rough patches in our relationship, mainly to do with things that other people said happened between myself and my ex-girlfriend (which, I assure you, did not happen), and my girlfriend felt like she wasn't sure she could trust me as much as she should, but I managed to convince her and prove to her that I really love her and would never do anything to betray her (I have never so much as kissed another girl since we met, never mind anything sex-related!).

So why, why, why is it that over the last year or so our relationship has been far less sexually oriented? She want's sex just as much as we both used to, and I know this for a fact. Any time I ever want to have sex, no matter what time of day, we will have it. So why on earth have I felt far less sexual desire when with her for more than a year? Yes, we still have sex, maybe on average around 2 or 3 times a week, but we used to have it literally every day we were together (excluding of course the times when certain biological events per month were in progress).

I thought it could be because I masturbated so much, that perhaps I was making myself feel less and less like I wanted sex because I was fulfilling my sexual needs on my own, so I deleted all of the porn I had on the computer and did my best to stop looking at it on the internet (I can't masturbate without porn - I've done it for so long whilst watching videos now that I can't do it without). I thought I felt some difference, but I wasn't sure. So what I have done lately is watch some porn while she is out or in a different room, sometimes even masturbating a little bit to build myself up a bit. When I do this, the moment I see her I want to jump on her and have wild, amazing sex - and we always do! Of course most of the time I feel that way without needing to watch any porn, but I truly hate the fact that things have changed so much, because of me!

Before anybody says something along the lines of "Maybe you don't really love her" or "Perhaps you aren't meant to be together", I want you to know that yes, I really do love her, and I know this for a fact - as well as that I do believe we should be together, because when this sex problem isn't involved, I feel like we could be together forever. I always want to be around her (except for the times when we have really irritating and annoying arguements, I'm not really a big enthusiast of stupid disagreements over whether or not one of us is being very thoughtful lately etc.) and I would, and do, do anything for her.

Is my sex drive dissapearing already? I'm only in my early 20's!

Should I stop masturbating altogether? Don't suggest that I tell her about the masturbating sometimes thing - It would ruin her self esteem if she knew I had to watch porn sometimes (but not all the time) to get the desire for sex.

Sorry this thread is so long, but I had a lot to try and say.

I hope somebody can attempt a solution to my problem!

Thank you very much!

Blue]]> bluefry Sex & RelationshipsSun, 05 Oct 2008 15:42:44 -0700