Identifying and recovering from sexual abuse, exploitation, molestation, or rape. Protecting both children and adults. Learn how to enjoy sex while being emotionally and physically respectful.http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/list.php?65Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:16:47 -0800 Phorum 5.2.7 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117471,117471#msg-117471 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117471,117471#msg-117471we took it to court and it was a mis trial because the inditment was worded wrong! it did not say he did it for sexual gradifation.....spell wrong....sorry
any way now its just as painful as if it happened yesterday.
I was hopping someone might know how i can go about suing the boy friend.
all we want is to clear are names because now we are made out to be the liers.
and he is made out to be the victom and has acsess to young girls again.
please help he needs to be stopped.
if anyone can hel;p me please write me a email
thankyou
carter7137@roadrunner.com]]> angrymom Sexual Abuse & MolestationMon, 16 Nov 2009 17:57:25 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117462,117462#msg-117462 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117462,117462#msg-117462
Never arrested but investigated by Dept of Children & Family (Florida) who find nothing and close their case. All this happened May 2009 and daughter and now son not speaking to the Father but other daughter is furious and says "Dad would never do something like that".

Lawyers say they cant help since no arrest occured. Now what?]]> daveyjones12 Sexual Abuse & MolestationThu, 05 Nov 2009 17:40:29 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117311,117311#msg-117311 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117311,117311#msg-117311I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, BUT MY BROTHERS FRIENDS STARTED ABUSING ME AT THE AGE OF TEN, THEY WERE 16 AND OLDER, MY BROTHER ALSO USED TO GET ME TO TOUCH HIM, I REMEMBER BEING ASKED IF I HAD STARTED MY PERIOD, WHEN I SAID NO THEY SAID THATS OK YOU CANT GET PREGNANT THEN. I BLAMED MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS WRONG BUT SOMEHOW THEY MADE IT SEEM OK, ITS JUST THAT NOW I HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND WHEN I LOOK AT HER I REALISE SHE IS JUST A CHILD AND INNOCENT, IT MAKES ME ANGRY AND UPSET THAT THEY TOOK AWAY MY CHILDHOOD. I FEEL I NEED COUNCILING BUT IM SUCH A PRIVATE PERSON IM NOT SURE IF I CAN GO THROUGH WITH IT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME THIS IS EATING AWAY AT ME. IM A HAPPY PERSON MOST OF THE TIME BUT JUST LATELY THE MEMORIES SEEM TO BE COMING BACK.]]> redswallow Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 11 Oct 2009 04:44:11 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117298,117298#msg-117298 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117298,117298#msg-117298
Several years ago, an ex-boyfriend of mine wanted to try the "just be friends" route instead of completely breaking off all contact. I thought it would be nice to be friends since he was an alright guy, so I would come over and visit him. One day when I came to visit, I found he had arranged so it was only he and I in his house. We went in his room and watched movies... and, since the only seating in his room was his bed, we sat there. Originally I was feeling that this was totally innocent, but then he started doing the subtle "seduction" techniques - rubbing my shoulders, giving me long hugs, and finally asking that I "make myself comfortable" and lie on the bed. When I told him I didn't want to, he insisted. I finally did, and he layed down behind me. He put his hands around my waist, and I was truly uncomfortable. Ever time I squirmed though, he wouldn't let me go. He started making crude sexual jokes, some hinting that we were somehow going to have sex. Finally I told him I needed to go to the bathroom (as an excuse for escape) and he let me go. I started panicking in the bathroom (since my sister had dropped me off there and wouldn't be back for a few more hours) so I called up my sister and told her to come back and pick me up ASAP. When I came back in his room, he had taken a good deal of his clothes off. Without provacation he hugged me, pinning my arms to my sides and kissed me. He pushed me down on the bed and proceeded to start taking off my clothes. As before, every time I tried to struggle, he would simply push harder. Thankfully for me, the man was a little too excited and, while taking off his pants, he ejaculated on my lower thigh before having sex with me. Needless to say, I got out of the house quickly.

For a long time after I couldn't abide touching a man. The way I thought of and processed events in the world changed dramatically. I "got over it" eventually. Within the last year, though, I was subject to a description of how rape victims are known to feel, and allowed myself to rexamine the situation. I wasn't raped... but could I have still been scarred by what happened?

So, I suppose what I mean is this - is it still possible to be damaged, whether or not the person actually got to the raping?

Recently, it's caused me alot of trouble. I feel guilty, and almost like I was at fault for what happened. I never outright said "No", though I tried... and I keep blaming myself for it. Like I deserved it. Ever since then I have this sense of having less strength than I did. When a man approaches me in a sexual or forward way (other than my new boyfriend), I get terrified. Its hard to explain, but it's awful. And I don't know what I should do about it. It's so hard for me to even post this, because I still feel like this is just some trivial thing. Other people on here HAVE been raped and HAVE been sexually assaulted - maybe I'm just a wimp for taking this so hard. But a friend of mine told me not long ago that "If it bothers you, it doesn't matter if it's "real" or not - it is in your mind, and that's what's important."

So... here I am. If anybody can tell me what's going on or what I should do next, where I can possibly turn to... please do, and thank you.

Amy J.]]> AmyJ Sexual Abuse & MolestationThu, 15 Oct 2009 12:38:47 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117130,117130#msg-117130 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117130,117130#msg-117130my step sister was also molested by my dad, it was horrible and when i finally confrounted him, i practically exploaded in emotions, i think it was at like 3 am because now i can never sleep past 4 am because i have terrible nightmares.
i am now 13 and its only been about 7 m ounths since then and i havent talked to him since but i feel as if i am withdrawn from people, almost all my friends know what happened and my mum also knows, but i cant handle people touching me, i freekout inside but i try not to show it because i dont want to loose my friends, please if you have any advice email me at boo_boo_kelly@hotmail.com
im getting councelling with kidshelpline australia but i still know that they cant take away all my problems.]]> sandy-d Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 15 Aug 2009 04:10:34 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117064,117064#msg-117064 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,117064,117064#msg-117064
The oldest had informed the police that with her parents consent and knowledge the 15 year old had been dating a 24 year old man that she met through the internet. The police told me why they were there and I went into shock and screamed " This is an emergency come here now!" My spouse came running to the door I closed on the police. I told him what they said, he went to the door and let them in, to privately talk with them out of younger daughters rang of hearing.

I stayed home in shock as my husband went to the station with our 15 year old. He stayed with her every minute. She was almost honest about everything. The sex she admitted to only once. This 24 year old confessed that this was going on for months and he had sex with her multiple times.

The oldest is an attention seeking person so she sent an SOS out on the internet that she was being physically, mentally and sexually abused in her home. Many people responded to the (poor girl), this man came to California and lived in the street and trees near our home for many months. While we were at work the girls would let this person and friends, other street people into our house. We knew nothing because all was clean and gone when we got home from work. There were many signs that things were not right but we didn't understand the behavior from the girls. My youngest gained 60 pounds in about a 6 month period. She was meeting him after her father and I went to bed. She would fall asleep during the day because she stayed up all night with this person. The youngest thought she was in love and that she was going to marry this person once she turned 18. The oldest told her that they could move in with her because she would have an apartment by then.

We found out by police, that the oldest hooked this man up with the youngest. She told her that sex was great and she needed a man to love her and the youngest trusted and loved her so she believed it. Then it wasn't fun and the youngest wanted to stop the relationship. She did not stop it at this point because the oldest started to blackmail her. The oldest had the youngest do her school work, forced her to keep quiet about a relationship she was having with a person one year older than her, the oldest threatened to beat her up if she told. My youngest never wants anyone to be disappointed with her. The oldest told the youngest that we would not love her anymore and would send her away, the youngest believed this would happen. The girls had been educated and warned about such things.

The oldest told only because this man started attacking her on the internet and she became afraid that someone would find out that she set this whole thing up for her sister to be molested. The oldest has no remorse. The oldest told the youngest, because she told who set up the meetings, that she is dead to her. That she hates her and will never speak to her again. Then the oldest calls our house when she knows no one will be home and leaves messages to her father only. This hurts my youngest and the pain starts to fester again with each left message. She asks, "Why won't she tell me sorry? Why does she hate me?"

My husband feels that they both are equally traumatized by this. I feel that, more of the oldest ugliness has come out and I want nothing to do with this girl. I feel she pimped out her sister for her selfish desire. I believe that because the youngest is so sweet and the oldest is not, the oldest wanted the youngest to look bad to us. I now know the oldest meant what she said, when she would say, "I hate that girl."

The youngest loves her and on some days wants to talk to her, other days she wants to beat her up. We are working through the emotional roller costar daily. I am trying to count my blessings that they are not dead? I am extremely angry that the older sister would do this to anyone but the distress is more to me because it is her sister she violated. I raised her to know that family protects each other. I don't know what happened to her mind to think any part of this would be ok.

I am torn should I change my number and go on with life ? Should I let the youngest decide when we talk to the oldest? Do I tell the oldest to never call again? Do I listen to my husband and just ignore the calls? I am so overwhelmed about this that I don't know what to do!! This has devastated my whole family and we are all at the breaking point. Can anyone help me by giving me advice.]]> mominpain Sexual Abuse & MolestationFri, 14 Aug 2009 01:20:53 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116998,116998#msg-116998 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116998,116998#msg-116998 emiliophelia Sexual Abuse & MolestationMon, 27 Jul 2009 17:37:07 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116945,116945#msg-116945 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116945,116945#msg-116945 mary2009 Sexual Abuse & MolestationWed, 08 Jul 2009 19:24:28 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116847,116847#msg-116847 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116847,116847#msg-116847
This is very difficult to discuss, I was abused sexually by my uncle on my tenth birthday, I finally told about it when I was 16, the family quickly swept it under the rug. I just found out that my brother molested one of my sisters when she was very young also, he was 20! As the realization sinks in, the horror and disgust surface. I've had two uncles molest me, not one person in my family stood up for me, they all wanted it hushed and kept quiet. One uncle has gone to a lot of trouble now that I am older to invade my children's and my privacy to extremes that you wouldn't believe, he is a private investigator who has lots of political connections. I can't get a job because he made it look like I lied on my resume and I did not, I just put the information I had available after my oldest child wiped my hard drive on my computer. I never realized how sick and twisted people could be, I have had to lie to people about where I am going and what I am doing because of the invasion of my privacy, it apparently wasn't enough to invade my body as a child but to invade my kids and my privacy was just so disgusting! I am now concerned that something could have happened to one of my children because I never knew about my brother until just a few days ago, he stayed in my house! Now the two perverts, my brother and my uncle are trying to take my youngest from me, I do not want my child anywhere near these two. I am moving out of the country to get away from this sick family of mine before I find out that someone else is also a child molester. I don't know what to do to help start the healing inside and since I cannot get a job I can't afford to go to a therapist. The whole family is against me because I told. My brother was trying to help me out financially, until he found out that I found out about what he did to our sister. It kind of feels like a nightmare of some sort that I keep hoping I will wake up from. Any advice here would be helpful. I need to keep my youngest away from these two.]]> leila1 Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 20 Jun 2009 11:32:17 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116813,116813#msg-116813 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116813,116813#msg-116813
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I have a job offer. To be a termite inspector at my brother in laws pest control company. Now in the past i have screwed any job opportunity i ever had. Mainly do to not getting up, oversleeping. In the morning i am downright depressed. so depressed i cry. If i take this job i cannot and i mean CANNOT screw it up. I have to show up on time everyday. If i fail i figure my marriage is over. I can't fail.

My wife thinks i use my uncle as a crutch. anytime something goes bad i have him to lean on. i can just blame my uncle! She also thinks i am at the point where i get high on being depressed. I believe both these statements to be true. I would rather be depressed than happy. when something good happens to me i still find a way to get angry or sad. I am a very negative person. I just wish i was selfless and not so damn selfish.

I feel like im rambling but typing this did make me feel a little better. please help. i am helpless.

Matt]]> anderdale Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 25 Jul 2009 09:36:54 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116663,116663#msg-116663 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116663,116663#msg-116663
Her other son is a heavy drinker and slovenly. He also has a wife and children but they live in chaos.

My sister doesn't even connect that this sudden dis-ownment of the one son might be connected to the past abuse. She also doesn't seem to acknowledge any guilt or responsibility for her children having been abused. It went on for several years. I don't know what her mental state was when it was happening but she somehow didn't recognize it. I think that she believes that she took the necessary steps to "deal with it" once she found out and thinks that it is a think of the past.

I need resources to show her that her children's behavior are indications that all is not well and that she has some personal work to do to beg their forgiveness. Where do I look? What will help her to see that her adult son's are typical of adults that were abused as children?]]> plympgirl Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 09 May 2009 14:05:30 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116617,116617#msg-116617 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116617,116617#msg-116617 pippilee Sexual Abuse & MolestationMon, 04 May 2009 16:21:54 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116530,116530#msg-116530 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116530,116530#msg-116530 the returner Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 26 Apr 2009 23:47:24 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116525,116525#msg-116525 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116525,116525#msg-116525A few months ago my fiancee revealed to me that some inappropriate sexual things occured between him, a female neighbor, and the neighbor's child at a very young age. He also told me that he doesn't remember what exactly happened, but that he has flashbacks from time to time and trouble sleeping. He implied that certain topics triggered these flashbacks and stomach-turning feelings. These "episodes" will occur every few months or so on average, and last anywhere from a couple days to weeks. He then withdraws from day to day activities and seems altogether depressed and detached.

From what he said it sounded like he was forced to do things with the woman's child by her, and that she also participated. At the time he didn't realize that these activities were wrong because he was so young, and never said anything to his parents or other adults. He seems to be very disturbed by these images from time to time, and I've noticed a little trouble with closeness on occasion. He's told me that he in no way has ever had the desire to do anything unhealthy to a child, or anyone for that matter. What really bothers me is that he seems stubborn about seeking help.

I just want to be able to help him, I've suggested counseling but he seemed incredibly uninterested. What can I do to support him through these difficult times, and what can he do to get through this? I love him dearly but am incredibly concerned. If anyone has been through anything similar your help would be much appreciated.]]> JennieBean08 Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 25 Jul 2009 09:40:53 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116390,116390#msg-116390 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,116390,116390#msg-116390Thanks for letting me ramble.
Justdealing.]]> Justdealing Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 19 Apr 2009 14:42:04 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115951,115951#msg-115951 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115951,115951#msg-115951 Marvela Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 19 Apr 2009 14:43:42 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115899,115899#msg-115899 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115899,115899#msg-115899When I was about 17 a special person came into my life. I felt so good around him, I loved him. Anyway I ended up telling him my secret. He was 18 at the time and he comforted me but thats where it stayed. Then when I was almost 18 he was out of my life, I was devastated.............heart broken, lost, alone.
Well life went on for me, never told another soul my dark secret, then about 17 years later the one that broke my heart had come back in my life. I was shocked, all those feelings I had felt years before were right back. I was so happy to hear his voice that I was'nt upset with him or anything. Well he had one child and I had 4 kids during those lost years. So to make a long story short he is my husband today, the one and only person that I loved with all my heart. I am so afraid that we are growing worlds apart, we dont talk like we used to we dont have the connection we used to either. We both have a daughter together that is 4 years old today and have no sex life what so ever, when he started to see changes in our relationship and brought it up to me, he said that he thinks that maybe the sex abuse from my uncle is affecting our relationship, well it angered me, deep inside I feel he is right and I start to get help and then after awhile I drop out, this has happened several times, everytime he threatens to be over with it all, I go and get help, then the moment that Im in it a couple of sessions and feel comfortable in our relationship, boom, I drop out.......................now we are back at that point again, he is just about fed up and im seeking to get help...............................anyone have any advice for me to help save my marriage from the only true man I have ever loved before its too late......................thanks so much]]> seekingtohelpmyself Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 19 Apr 2009 14:50:19 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115844,115844#msg-115844 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115844,115844#msg-115844
I love this girl so much, I just want to do everything right so she can start the healing process. What makes a father molest a daughter??? God this is just tearing me up inside knowing that the most important person in my life was taken advantage of in this way. I don't know if its weird that I feel so strongly like this. I am a sensitive person and I know that, but I just can't stop crying for her. I am a 24 year old male and I have spent my last few drives to work in tears. Her father is a very wealthy and powerful man in Argentina. She now lives here in the US with me and is going to school. I am not the type of person to hate others, but when she told me this my heart filled with hate for this man.

Ive never met him, and I don't ever want to. Is there anyone out there who had a similar situation to her that can give me some advice? She has been dealing with this alone for 13 years and finally told someone and it was me. Now I sit here and my heart is broken for her. She still has a relationship with him, albeit a very cold one, but a relationship none the less. At this point she is using him for his money. Maybe she feels its a fitting punishment for his actions. I feel that one day I will have to face this man and I dread the day I will have to shake his hand and look into his eyes. I don't know what I will do. I don't know how I will control my emotion.

Well at this point I'm just rambling. If there is anyone out there with some advice or even any words to help me get through this with her it would be much appreciated.

jb]]> johngeetar Sexual Abuse & MolestationWed, 08 Apr 2009 17:13:36 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115654,115654#msg-115654 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115654,115654#msg-115654What I want to know is when does it stop ? When is it going to stop ? When is it going to stop effecting my life. He took my childhood away from me I know this ! When is it going stop having a hold over me ? I know it was not my fault but why did I not say no ! Ever ! Why does any man have the that kind of power over me ? Logically I know it was not my fault but I still put myself in these postions. I don't know how to get over the guilt of allowing it to happen. My husband says talking about it but i'm still not so sure. Every time I have discussed these subjects with anyone I felt like I was being judged. What did they do , why didn't you do this or that . Whiched just has reenforced it's my fault & I should of have done this or done that. Not that they where the ones that had the problem. It was me that had the problem or I brought it on or it was my fault because I didn't stop it.
I DID NOT SAY NO !]]> Thoughtiwasoverit Sexual Abuse & MolestationThu, 02 Jul 2009 15:31:06 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115459,115459#msg-115459 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115459,115459#msg-115459
I still see these people on a daily basis, they are my family. I thought I was moving on with life, until recently I was diagnose with PTSS. Nightmares, anxiety, anger, and flashbacks have been a part of my life since all this happened. I thought it was normal.

My question is how do I maintain relations with my family? If I tell my Husband, family events won't be so friendly anymore. My daughter loves her step-pappy and would be crushed to know the truth. As for my brother, we don't have a very good relationship anyway.

Thanks for listening to my rant.]]> midniterider Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 31 Jan 2009 15:07:08 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115337,115337#msg-115337 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115337,115337#msg-115337 David Baker Sexual Abuse & MolestationThu, 15 Jan 2009 10:40:51 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115336,115336#msg-115336 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,115336,115336#msg-115336 David Baker Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 10 Jan 2009 15:14:29 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114783,114783#msg-114783 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114783,114783#msg-114783
I use to notice abusive men in bars and niteclubs who picked up women. I'd say to her, "be careful there, he doesn't play nice." She in turn would say, "I'll keep it in mind," but then go out the door with him. It was very much like the movie, "Looking for Mr. Goodbar." Some of these men were like my friends. They were friends from a distance, and we didn't cohabitate in any way. To tell someone they are abusing others, is a flat No Go. It doesn't work, because often, the abuser sees life thru being abused themselves. I've always viewed women as the weaker sex, put them on a pedastol of sorts but not all men see it that way.

Do all victims of abuse seek help? No. Do all victims want advice or treatment? No. It's almost as though many victims of abuse seek out this cycle and live in it, not wanting any other life. I've known men who are very entertaining, fun to be with, really make it for some ladies, but there is another side here behind closed doors, and the ladies in these cases take the bad with the good?

Ggg]]> Gregg Sexual Abuse & MolestationTue, 25 Nov 2008 16:30:47 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114514,114514#msg-114514 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114514,114514#msg-114514
I never had any issues until I started to date my boyfriend of now going on 5 years. This is when I noticed that not only was I afraid of sex but I had no desire at all to have it.

After one year of dating my boyfriend got us a hotel room I was 18 at the time. He said that he wanted to have sex and I started to cry and had to go home. He did not ask for awhile but then 2 years later we decided that we would try it. We tried for about a year because it just would not work at all. Then finally when it did I felt nothing and also I noticed no blood which is suppose to happen when your hyman breaks.

We do it now but i have zero intrest and i think he knows that. Also when we do it I just think about others things and its like I dont even pay attention. I still feel uncomfortable when he touches me. Also there was an incident once when I told him no he jokingly went for it for a second in a playfully but I felt panicked and started to cry.

I have poor memory of my childhood. I never had any feelings like this before. I do remember when I was little my dads friend use to joke around bite my toes but there are also some situations where i remember it was just me and him and i can remember where we were what was on the tv (one example) but thats it I always feel like something is missing. Also i was always really scared of him and would run away and hide if he was comming. I also heard that he was accused of abusing his step daughter.

All this is so confusing to me, sometimes I wonder if i just made it all up myself but then I wonder why would i feel this way and why would i feel the way i do about sex.


What do you think?]]> CityGirl Sexual Abuse & MolestationFri, 28 Nov 2008 21:53:13 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114216,114216#msg-114216 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114216,114216#msg-114216 Sundance2104 Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 19 Apr 2009 15:01:27 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114133,114133#msg-114133 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,114133,114133#msg-114133Dr. Marty Klein has just issued his most recent newsletter, which i try to paste into our forums on a regular basis to get your reactions. This article is particularly interesting to me because of the judge's conclusion about Mr. Hallacy's need to register as a sex offender. what's your opinion in this case?

Dr, Klein states:

Just how dangerous is a guy who had sex with a sheep?

Michigan county prosecutor John Hallacy says it's in the same category as sexually exploiting a child or sexually assaulting an adult.

Jeffrey Haynes is already in prison (for 2½-20 years) for what state judges describe as his "abominable and detestable crime against nature." But that isn't enough for Hallacy, who is dismayed that Haynes doesn't have to register as a sex offender--because his victim isn't a human.

Haynes' activity "exemplifies a dangerous and deviant behavior that ought to fall under the registry requirements," says the prosecutor, who has clearly thought a great deal about sex and sheep. Or sex and this particular sheep; it isn't clear which.

Haynes is no Boy Scout (well, perhaps he is), having previously been convicted of burglary and forgery. But he has no prior sex-related arrests. Nevertheless, a county prosecutor has decided that Haynes is so dangerous that after leaving prison he should report his whereabouts and keep away from children, parks, and churches.

Perhaps Hallacy is afraid Haynes' "deviant behavior" will prove so intriguing to others that there will be an epidemic of sheep-sodomy. Or perhaps Hallacy doesn't realize that his amateur psychoanalysis linking sheep sodomy with child sodomy is pathetically amateurish, verging on Entertainment Tonight gossip. And simply wrong.

Freud first mapped the defense mechanism he called "projection" in 1895-in which a person, anxious to distance himself from feelings too troubling to acknowledge, attributes those feelings to someone else. We can't really say why Hallacy finds the (admittedly peculiar) Haynes-lambchop sex so frightening. But his determination to see Haynes as a rapist and to subject him to lifelong punishment is rather interesting.

If Hallacy wants to visit Haynes to discuss their respective sex lives, there's no need to involve the criminal justice system. A simple invitation to coffee would probably do.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Sexual Abuse & MolestationSun, 23 Nov 2008 09:43:09 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113838,113838#msg-113838 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,113838,113838#msg-113838
I grew up in a very health concious and strictly religious home. Both of my parents were dedicated to healthy living, we pretty much only ate raw fruit and veg and I am grateful for this great start I recieved...

My mother has suffered with what I consider to be phobias and anxieties hance the dedication to healthy living.

The thing is that I guess I was highly sexual as a child, and acted out sexually at various times in my life up until the age of 14. Strange in a family that was extremely repressed when it came to open sexual talks or ideas. I would even say that i behaved abusively as a child, recognising a need to be dominating.

When I was 19 I left the church and started to drink and smoke and all that stuff. I lost my virginity and during this time I 'realised' that I had been sexually abused. The thing was that this feeling seemed to stem around my father. I was open about it and went to counselling, although I could not remember any specific memory and to this day still cant. But the reasons why I felt this was because I became afraid of my father coming into my bedroom at night and would even sleep under the mattress in fear. ( around the age of 11-12?) This and other things like I couldnt feel comfortable with any physical contact with him from the age of 7?

Yet after counselling and no memory I started to feel bad that I had suggested that it could be him. During this time mind you my father called me a 'slut' to my brothers saying this is why I was saying these things. You must understand that my dad never ever swears or says things like this as he is an elder in the church. I felt devestated by this but also understood that if I was misguided I was potentially ruining his life with this.

In the mean time my mother has suffered all her adult life with OCD, quite severly....she would make our meals over and over in case glass fell in them ( probably why the food was mostly uncooked, easy to make from scratch) and various other traits. These compulsions led her to become gravely ill.

Over the years I have reassured my dad that there must have been something wrong with me, because up until the age of 7 or so he was my hero and I dont know what changed.

Then a memory hit me after my first child, and that was -I one of four children was given enimas. I am the only daughter and the only child to have recieved these 'treatments'.
I am also the only child to feel that I was sexually abused in the family.

I only have two memories of it although I am sure that there were more....but the first is my mother giving me one, and the feeling of being out of control with my body and running to the toilet, and the other is my mum telling my dad to and he saying ' I dont think I should she is getting close to puberty'.

Knowing my family the enimas were instigated by my mother. hence my dad saying he wouldnt give me one to her.

Does this make it sexual abuse if there was no sexual intent?

I cant imagine my mother sexualising it although my memories of the enimas are not very strong or clear.

Could my mothers OCD about health have been why she thought it was ok to give me enimas?

why was I the only child to recieve them and does this make it suspicious of sexual abuse?

My mother had an aversion to sex with my father and often gives me racy underwear even though I am not married and that would go against her morals and has done since i was 19. Last time she gave them to me at the dinner table infront of my dad! I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed especially considering how touchy the issue of sexuality is between my dad and I?

does anyone have experience in this kind of scenario? id appreciated your reflections on this.]]> hides Sexual Abuse & MolestationTue, 25 Nov 2008 19:53:20 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,112858,112858#msg-112858 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,112858,112858#msg-112858A few years after this happened, I was staying with an aunt and a little neighbor girl my age wanted to "play house" at the park up on the jungle gym (wehre all the bridges, tunnels, etc were). Well, she started physically dry humping me. that is all that happened, but I was so embarrased and shocked that I didn't know what to do. There were other moments in my cawhildhood where some other children and I would engage in consentual sexual play (experimenting) that probably wasn't "right". I also started masterbating several times a day.(all of this YEARS before puberty). One day, *this is triggering* a girl and I were playing upstairs and we were playing house. Then I remember trying to dry hump her (with clothes on) because I was sexually aroused. HEr sister ran downstairs and told the adults what was going on. I remember getting into HUGE trouble. Anyhow, after that I NEVER did anything like that ever again. I just remember feeling so embarrassed. I apologized to her then and even as an adult and everything but I still feel guilty. does thismake me an abuser? I have NEVER inappropriately touched anyone since then!! It was just the one time. I am married, have children, and don't have and NEVER have had ANY types of sexual/deviant feelings toward children, adolescents, etdc. For some reason, I just feel like I am a bad person. I have been to therapy and everything and the counselor told me that it was me acting out because of what I had experienced, and I still feel terrible. Any insights?e]]> jenzbugrulz Sexual Abuse & MolestationFri, 22 Aug 2008 16:39:05 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,112731,112731#msg-112731 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?65,112731,112731#msg-112731its funny how a stranger can make such a difference in a matter of days. How the hell does that happen?

I just want my stepdad also to know that im not angry...im hurt, i feel used and i dont feel like a woman (dont even know what that feels like) I do however want him to know that whatever the case may be, and even if he did say sorry, it doesnt take away the pain. It will never be the same again. And so I part from him and everything that is connected to him. its hard and sad cause i still somehow love my mom but she made her choice in staying with him regardless. So that is life. Like they say, you cant have everything you want. And even thought it hurts like hell, I dont know till this day if she really loved me enough to protect me? Cause im a mother and I know that if anyone so much as touched my boy, I will hurt them. Do everything in my power to protect my child. this is another thing. Why could she never do that for me. ?????????]]> Jessica.. Sexual Abuse & MolestationSat, 20 Jun 2009 11:58:58 -0700