SelfhelpMagazine Support Community - Childhood & Parenting

Sexual Development In Toddler? (no replies)

BowlbyC — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:58:07 -0800

I have a 3 year old girl. I have noticed that she will touch herself "down there" recently. I have a friend of mine watch her while my husband and i work and today I was told that my daughter spread her legs and told another girl the same age to "touch my body". She has no other signs of abuse such as withdrawl or over clinging to anyone. could this just be curiosity and exploration?

Study of Parent's Influence on Adult Relationships! (no replies)

alex12345 — Mon, 25 May 2009 09:08:58 -0700

INVITATION TO PARTICIPATE IN A STUDY

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

Have you ever wondered why some people are more successful in finding satisfying relationships than others? Although many studies have focused on the impact of parenting styles on our adult intimate relationships, the exact connection remains unclear.

This study examines the most recent psychological surveys to evaluate this problem. We are seeking more specific information on the connection between an individual’s opinions of their parents and later adult relationships. In order to be eligible for the survey, you must have been raised in the U.S. in a two-parent household from birth until age 18.

Participation is voluntary and all participants are eligible for a lottery with a $50 prize.

In order to gain the most insight into these two topics, we would like to collect as much information as possible, so your participation is not only greatly appreciated but also valuable. Your participation in this study will take approximately 30 minutes of your time and is done entirely on-line by answering questionnaires. The questionnaires can be accessed by clicking on the link below:

[www.surveymonkey.com]

All information collected is anonymous and you will not be asked for identifying information at any time. You may choose to create an I.D. (3 letters and 2 numbers) in order to receive your personal results of the survey. The results are not intended to serve as a professional clinical diagnosis.

Your participation is greatly appreciated and I thank you for your time and the valuable information. Please forward this e-mail to anyone that may be interested in participating in this study.

Best regards,

a

Early Childhood / Parenting (1 reply)

mukesh11 — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 14:36:26 -0700

Early childhood, birth through grade three, is a time of rapid growth and development. Research has shown unequivocally that during these critical first years, young children go through a long period where play and hands-on experiences are vital to learning. This process is essential to later success in more complex tasks. Early learning seems so simple that it is tempting to devalue it as merely a child's recreation rather than recognize it as an extremely complex and absorbing effort to build a rich understanding of the world. Sight and sound, size and shape, must be experienced by a child through all the senses, at his or her own pace. Families, caregivers, and schools must be prepared to understand and support this critical stage of growth for the children in our charge. Our challenge is to be sure that programs and schools meet the special needs of very young children. This floor will explore early learning issues and offer resources and suggestions. We invite you to tell us about resources and websites and your own research and practice.
-------------------
How">www.howtomakemoney365.com] To Make Money

Children's Etiquette Training Program (no replies)

Bryan Parker — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:31:21 -0700

Friends,

Etiquette training and manner classes for children are extremely important these days with the demand for behavioral education being on the rise. The Children's Etiquette training program consists of:

Children’s (aged between 3 and 12 years) teachers
Mommy-and-me groups
Public seminars conducted at restaurants within your community
Moms keen on hosting etiquette parties
Public seminars at YMCA or your local community center
After-school curricula
Moms who will buy the products that you can market and offer in your community or online. Your program shows you how!

Etiquettemoms.com provides etiquette training and manner classes for children program teaches you fun games, exercises and activities to result in thrilling and appealing programs that will get rave reviews. The best aspect is, kids will always remember what you teach them and be grateful for the knowledge imparted.

Curfew question for parents! im a teen, please give me your opinions. (5 replies)

mgfbossin — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:49:57 -0700

I am a 16 year old girl, just finishing grade 10, and i want to approach my mother about changing my curfew time.

I have a curfew of 10:00 pm on weekdays, and 10:30 on weekends. I would like to extend this to 10:45/11:00 on weekdays, 11:15/30 on weekends. I have many reasons, one being that I am not doing anything unreasonable, or even questionable. I do not go to parties, I dont drink, do drugs, or have a young sex-life. I am a average student, though school doesn't hold much interest for me, i am very heavily involved with the art and arts communities were i live, and were i don't. I am just starting volunteering with the SPCA. I do my chores.

I also go to a few things a week that are 10:00-12:00 end times, it doesn't have a set time. i would like to think that it is reasonable for me to hang with my friends (Note for understanding: I am at a private school, and it is on a university campus and it is very involved with them. Most of my friends are at the university, or are in the grade 12 section of my high school, and they are international so living by themselves or are university and living by themselves, so they do not have a curfew) and i have to always leave by 9:30 on these nights, and even 10:30 would be nicer even if its still going to go for a bit after (both school nights), because i need to make it home for my curfew.
my boyfriend drives me home normally but if he cannot for one reason or another, i get a ride with another person there. Worst comes to worst (i have only had to do it once in 4 months) is that i pay for a taxi myself to get me home.

i also attend a club based on japanese pop-culture (anime, manga and videogames are the main related ones but lots of activities plus drawing board games and just hanging out and talking with your friends there. we are all a big group of friends.) club. It is a university club so i am the youngest by 4 years except for 2 of my friends from the high school, and sp often they want to go out for food after the club (that always ends at 10:00, i have just enough time to get home under the wire but my mom is ok with that one sonce it is just before not just after) and it would be nice to be able to do that some-times with them.

Both places are safe, and she knows were i am and has seen the location on both as-well.

YET she thinks i am abusing my curfew though i have never missed it without a reason, i have done that twice with a reason. once by-accident but then remembered and called her, and once i called and asked if i could stay later.

she has now reduced me to two outing per school-night, so shadowrun, 2 times a week, makes me unable to see any of my friends to hang out, not to mention my boy-friend, and we are both un-happy about that (of cource) ( One note here: my mom likes my friends and my boyfriends, and thinks they are all "cool people" and thinks its great im being social. so contradiction-full?[also her not liking them isnt part of the question, she does think of them well). All of the friends that know about it so far think it is unfair and unrashional, and they are saying it as a person with a point of view and not just my friend.

PLEASE would you, reader of this post/thread help me and give any suggestions you may have about talking to my mother about this, and how i can get her to see my side of things? how can i have a serious talk with her about my situation and side and make a new agreement?

Adolescent Sexuality: Research Scientist Addresses Failure of Abstinence-only Sex-ed Programs (1 reply)

Jimmy — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:40:30 -0700

Marty Klein, Ph.D. wrote about Dr. Doug Kriby in his Sexual intelligence newsletter this month. (Bear with me on the titles and intros to these articles. Dr. Klein has stopped giving his articles the catchy titles I appreciated so much. Now he is just being factual (td).) Here it is:


Dr. Doug Kirby is internationally known for his work in the field of adolescent sexuality. His most important publication is the widely acclaimed, 'Emerging Answers 2007'. Sponsored by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, it is the essential scientific report  documenting the failure of abstinence-only school programs to reduce pregnancy and STDs.

In this and others reports, Doug has generated the most comprehensive picture ever of factors associated with adolescent sexual behavior, contraceptive use, pregnancy, and STDs. He also continues to identify the common characteristics of effective sexuality education and HIV education programs throughout the world. He has addressed the governments of countries including Nigeria, Ecuador, Kenya, Uganda, and England's House of Commons.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org)

Not divorced, kids live with us (1 reply)

Lori — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:18:00 -0700

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we have a great relationship when it is just the two of us. He has two great kids, well I now know they are great, but didn't know them at the time. We decided to live together after being together for 2 years. After 6 months of living together we decided to rent a bigger house so his two daughters (10 and 13) could stay with us a few days a week. For some reason everything started to change after this. He is a very good man, probably feels guilty, because he was very unhappy in his marriage and they both had several affairs. When we met they were getting a seperation. I was very clear that I did not want to get involved with a married man and was assured they both wanted to get a divorce and it was in process, it has never happened. But by this time we were living together. We both have made new rules to build a good relationship and not make the mistakes we did in the past, which works most of the time. I approached his wife and we started to become distant friends. Friends enough for the kids to see us together and help to accept the situation. I do similar things for her and her boyfriend. Nice is a weird way. My main concern is that he changes when the oldes daughter is here. She is a very sweet and intelligent girl, but she really knows how to manipulate her father. To my shock he is running after her begging her, when she does not get her way and goes to her room. I am pretty sure he feels guilty and is trying to make up for not being in the same home together, but it is very uncomfortable for me to see this interaction. I am not not allowed to ride in his car any more as she wants to ride in the front seat and he will not ask her to move. I hate to be petty, but I do not feel comfortable in my own home. They are cuddeled and close and if he puts his hand on my arm she stomps out of the room. When I am with the his kids alone, we have a great time and they are so nice to me? I honestly feel that I have really gone out of my way to try to make things work. But want to leave when they come over, there is so much tention and stress in the house. I am wondering if it would be better for us to live in seperate houses, even though the financial crises has hit. Would this be better for his kids? We truly do try to work in unison, is it better to keep trying? We both are feeling the stress and our releationship is really suffering. I just want whats best for everyone. It is so hard to see it when you are so close. I really could use some advise.

teenage son woes (no replies)

Milly — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:37:38 -0800

He was always such a kind and caring boy. 9 yrs ago my husband died and my eldest at 7 became the 'man of the house'. He had three younger brothers and he just stepped into the role of looking out for his siblings and was very loving and considerate. Even acted the mini dad to the youngest.

Just as background, I made the decision years ago not to enter into any serious relationships. Any liasons were discrete and the kids knew little or nothing about them. I decided to raise the boys first and wanted no one interfering with the status quo. This has resulted in stable well adjusted kids though perhaps a bit lacking in male role models..

Now my 16 yr old has turned into this lazy egocentric, argumentative pain in the butt. I work, and have also had to recently sell the family home because of finacial difficulties. I thought great, Tom has become tall and strong, he will be a great help to me with moving. HA! What a joke. The smallest chore is met with arguments, whining or 'go slow' attitude. (Though you should see how fast he can move when he is off on his skateboard!) He is passing at school but puts no effort in. He is there for his social life only. He doesn't want any responsibilities although he has to challenge every decision I make.

I am so tired. I've been stressed about finances and I find it is simply easier to do the chore myself than to go into battle with my son. I tried talking to him but he just goes in his room and shuts the door. He is certainly making the younger three look like angels!

I understand that this is very typical of teenagers (and how I will get through it 3 more times is more than I know). Can anyone offer some practical tips and please tell me how long this period will last. I really am feeling quite dispairing lately and really worn out, I know I need to be reaching out more to Tom in this confusing time but I am at a loss.

The Octuplet mess in Cal (3 replies)

Gregg — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:08:24 -0800

I'm sure you know about this, 8 babies born to one single mother with no means of supporting them. She already had 7 or so more living in a 3-bedroom apt. She had implanted embryos. This has caused outrage in people who are normally charitable and kind. She had previous plans of a book deal and get rich scheme thru publicity. The cost for a single born cessarian in Cal is 22k! The entire matter is disgusting. I have nothing but sympathy and well wishes for those kids who will no doubt, be raised by the state. But the mother is so irreponsible, no words can describe the mess.

It brings up another subject of multiple births. Especially the Guiness Book variety. They are a turn-off in these days and times. If it's a natural birth? oh well. But when these women take extras, in order to do something bizaare for personal gain, disgusting.

The pablem, baby clothes, diapers, and companies who supply these things to moms with multiple births, have turned their back on this mom. Maybe it's time? But those babies will have to be cared for by someone. I don't believe in publicity for these bizaare escapades in bad parenting as though their story is valuable.

Gregg

Religous issues between divorced parents of youth (1 reply)

Bass500 — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 06:02:16 -0800

My ex-husband and I have vastly different views on religion regarding our only child. Although I have full custody and his involvement is minimal when he is involved he forces our son to attend religious rituals of his faith. His faith being Muslim it is very upsetting for our son when it is forced upon him. He does not relate to Islam, if anything he fears it due to issues going on around the world.

I have been raising my son Jewish (My faith) since he was 2 years old, he is now 8. My son relates himself to being Jewish and doesn't want to be forced into the Islamic world. It confuses him, hurts him and has created much anger inside of him amongst many other dissapointing issue involving his father. His father has threatened me on several occassions to stop raising my son as a Jew. Which I do not believe is right.

My son's behavorial issues have become quite severe over the past few years due the constant tearing between his feelings for both of us and wanting to please both sides. The anger and temper tantrums that I am witnessing I believe is a culmunication of a variety of issues at hand, however feel that this issue is a large one and complex to deal with.

Both parents feel very strongly about their faith with the Jewish side being more predominant in the child's life.

Any advice from anyone?

Severe Behavioral Issues with children under 10 (no replies)

Bass500 — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 11:42:50 -0800

I am facing some significant behavioral problems in my son who is 8 years old. I don't know where to turn other than free services from his public school due to my economic challanges at this time. I am a single mom with an ex-huband I cannot turn to due to damage control. Does anyone know what I can do other than what I am doing?

should i choose (3 replies)

gene — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:52:50 -0800

My kids from a divorce could not go to my girlfriend's mom's for Thanksgiving. Kids asked me to stay home with them. My girlfriend got really made and said that I should have told them that I was still going and see them when I get back. She said I should have chosen her. Was i right or her?

Today's Youth full of Themselves study shows (3 replies)

Gregg — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:16:39 -0800

From USA Today, article in Psychological Science: Today's teenagers are far more likely than their parents to believe they are great people, suggesting a report comparing three decades. The so-called Gen Y young people or Millenials, may be headed for a fall when their self-esteem is punctured by reality, says Psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University.

Are they telling us baby boomers something we don't already know?

Old Gregg

Daughter is cutting... HELP!! (4 replies)

tydydaisy13 — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:06:44 -0800

My 13 year old daughter was reported by the school last week that she cut herself, intentionally. After alot of talking, it came down to her being a perfectionist and for the first time in her life, she did not make distinguished honors in school this quarter.

I have told her all her life that as long as she "tries"... even if she comes home with a C - oh well, you tried! Just isn't good enough for her even though I am SO VERY proud of her.

I did set up a counseling meeting both at school and a private counselor. We think (HOPE) this is an isolated incident but I worry so much about her!

Anyone experience this with their children??

HELP!!

Thank you,
Lisa

Love His Views or Hate Them, Dr. Klein has an Opinion on Sex Offenders and Protecting Your Children (1 reply)

Jimmy — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:50:18 -0800

As the proud Dad of two teenage boys, I am re-printing Dr. Klein's recent newsletter article about sex offenders and the Missouri law because I agree with Marty that this new Missouri law is overboard.

I take the time to drop Dr. Marty Klein's articles into these SHM community forums because I share Marty's view that our increasingly religion-infused government is mixing issues of 'church and state' by passing laws that hurt rather than help us as an intelligent, free-thinking society.

But your thoughts count , too. Let us hear from you after you read and think about what Dr. Klein has to say:

~~
Exploiting Sex Offenders to Ruin Childhood, Part 26: Halloween

Before this year's Halloween is a distant memory, consider this:

Missouri Governor Matt Blunt recently signed a law requiring registered sex offenders to "refrain from all Halloween-related contact with children from 5:00-10:30 pm on October 31." It requires them to remain inside their homes with the outside lights off, and to post a sign saying they have no candy. A federal judge held that forcing offenders to remain in their home and refrain from being around children was overly broad, while finding that keeping a sign on their door and the lights off was constitutional.

We need to be clear about our actions toward convicted offenders: are we attempting to 1) punish them, or 2) make ourselves feel better, or 3) actually make ourselves safer? We can't do all three simultaneously.

So most communities and elected bodies settle for numbers 1 and 2. But they're dishonest about it. They say they want #3. But what if that means letting go of the lust for ever-greater punishment? And what if that means letting go of the gratuitous limitations, insults, and pointless exercises in proving How Much We Care About The Children?

The neighborhood notification law regarding offenders don't make us safer. The Amber Alerts and other edicts named after dead kids don't make us safer. And this pathetic Halloween grandstanding doesn't make us safer.

Instead, such actions allow us to feel like we Really Care, and that we're Really Serious about Doing Something about the safety of our kids.

But ironically, these measures make people feel less safe, not more. The continuing obsession with preventing our kids from being molested steals their childhood, robs us of sleep, and inflates the danger in parents' minds. While in some ways the world has become more dangerous, in most ways, it only feels more dangerous.

If Disneyland is the Happiest Place on Earth, Missouri must now be the Scariest Place on Earth.

If you want to cripple kids, just convince them they live in a dangerous place, surrounded by invisible threats, and that the world is getting more menacing by the day.

This tragic program works for parents as well. Too many have stopped asking "how do I help my kid grow strong and capable of taking appropriate risks," and now mostly ask "how do I keep my kid from being destroyed by irrational violence?"

That's not an ambitious enough goal. It's not possible. It ruins parenting. And it's awful for kids. A convicted sex offender offering candy on Halloween isn't even close to being that dangerous.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org)

custody battle (6 replies)

chronic1 — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 20:31:07 -0800

To all you wonderful people,

I will be needing lots of support!
For those of you who are not aware, I have posts regarding my situation with my kids.
So my two children whom I let go to their father, are clearly being alienated from me! I hate the fact that I knew it before I let them go and yet was dumb enough to think that letting them go would stop it! I really thought that the control and manipulation on my ex husbands part, not to mention his evil spouse, would stop because I was giving them what they wanted. They moved across the state from me and wanted the kids to go. They had the kids convinced that it would be a great adventure for them, so of course, they wanted to go as well. After many months of fighting, I decided that it would be better for all concerned if I let them go. I was being an idiot!!!! I was being weak! I cannot believe that I really thought that these people would ever stop. They want nothing less than me removed from the kids life completely. I received an email from my ex stating that anything more than one visit a month is "detrimental" to the kids! That the kids have had to miss "many things, including festivals and carnivals with rides!" to see me. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! Having the chance to see their mom, step dad, step sister, and little brother, is comparable to a carnival ride....and the carnival ride wins?!?!?!?
My heart is broken. My kids are so torn between us. They say one thing when they are with me in my home, and behave completely opposite when returned to their dad. We are going to see my family for Thanksgiving. We haven't seen my dad or grandmother in close to two years, and haven't seen my mom in one year. My kids, especially my daughter, have always been extremely close to my mom. Although it was set up previously that the kids would be with their dad for Thanksgiving and me for Christmas, I asked my ex via email, if he would be willing to switch so that the kids could travel with us. I didn't mention this plan to the kids, but assumed they would be thrilled to have the chance to go. Here is where we remind ourselves of the danger of ASSUMING. I spoke to my children the day after sending the email, I hadn't heard back from their dad, so I asked my daughter if he had mentioned it to them. She very timidly said yes. I asked her if she would like to go and she said no. I literally had to keep myself from vomiting!!! I have never known this child in all her 12 years to miss an opportunity to see these family members!
The strain in their voices when we talk, the quick "love you too" response to my "I love you tons", the deafening silence when I tell them I miss them is awful. It isn't normal and it isn't right. No matter what I say to my ex he doesn't see any of it. He of course places the blame on me. He doesn't see the huge weight of expectation he puts on them! When they are in my home he expects them to call at a certain time. The kids are always asked if they are alone. I don't want to put any pressure on the kids so I say nothing when they go to their rooms to talk to him and evil. (I guess I should elaborate on this woman I describe as evil, but that will have to be in another post due to the lengthy story!!) And this isn't just behavior towards me. It is also to my family and the kids friends that are here. My children spent their entire school lives here until this year (5th and 6th graders now) and yet they limited on any contact they have with their friends here.
Sorry for the rambling, I am just a jumble of emotion. I am thinking that we need to return to a full blown court battle This terrifies me on so many levels. Financially and emotionally it is a huge strain. I am reading a book by a mother who was in the same situation with her son. I cannot believe the parallels between the "alienators". It is all about hurting the ex spouse and using the child(ren) to accomplish it. I haven't finished her book yet, but am heart broken to know that her son ultimately committed suicide at the age of 16, presumably from the strain of the life he had from the age of 5.
Thanks for "listening" to me.
C1

Son hit brother 3AM (1 reply)

Manny — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 11:37:25 -0700

When one son is sleeping, the other son hit his brother hard in head and face. Much blood because cut mouth. My wife she very upset. We need help. Two boys fight very hard. Fight all the time. They think is funny. Always hard. Nine years and seven years old. My brothers were hard, not me. Boys like my brothers. They did not turn out good. One in prison and other brother is hard with hid wife and childrens. What we do now?

Are You For or Against Spanking Your Children? (7 replies)

Manuel — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:50:52 -0700

There's an article in SelfhelpMagazine that deserves some discussion. It's about spanking children - which is an issue that was near and dear to me as a child (because I was beaten frequently) and also because it's an incredible meta-analysis of over 88 other studies. A meta-analysis looks at a group of studies in a topic area, and tries to combine results when techniques used and outcomes achieved are similar across all the studies.

It's by Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff, Ph.D. and get this - she included 62 years of collected data!! Who does that these does with the limited funding we have for research??

Anyways, she looked for associations between parental use of corporal punishment a bunch of behaviors and experiences, during both childhood and adulthood.

I won't repeat the whole thing here, except to say the article is worth a read, and it's here in the magazine: [www.selfhelpmagazine.com]

She basically says that there are various types of corporeal punchishment, from taps to harsh and even violent beatings, so all these studies couldn't have measured the same degree of physical contact, but given all that, across the board, concluded that the two biigest things that come out of corporal punishment are:

* immediate compliance by the child and
* physical abuse of the child by the parent

The author then says that the degree of difference between these two findings (one really good and the other really bad) accounts for "the complexity of the debate around corporal punishment."

She also says that different things can reduce the harm of corporeal punishment, like the parent/child relationship, and that the "frequency and severity of the corporal punishment makes a difference", in that "the more often or more harshly a child was hit, the more likely they are to be aggressive or to have mental health problems."

The author summarized what she found in the literature and why it may be bad for children:

* For one, corporal punishment on its own does not teach children right from wrong.
* Secondly, although it makes children afraid to disobey when parents are present, when parents are not present to administer the punishment those same children will misbehave.

The article then quotes an exchange that the author has with other authors, Baumrind and her team, who believe in, "mild to moderate disciplinary spanking." Baurmrind also said: "The fact that some parents punish excessively and unwisely is not an argument, however, for counseling all parents not to punish at all."

In her reply to Baumrind et al., Gershoff argued that "excessive corporal punishment is more likely to be underreported than overreported...."

"Until researchers, clinicians, and parents can definitively demonstrate the presence of positive effects of corporal punishment, including effectiveness in halting future misbehavior, not just the absence of negative effects, we as psychologists can not responsibly recommend its use," Gershoff wrote.

=============================

What do I think? I have avoided it successfully with my children and they turned out really well. Then again, they were easy tempered and listened well. It took more than a little patience on my part, especially when they were small. It is so easy to just slap them when they are defiant or have their hands into everything. But I was hurt so badly by both my parents that I swore I wouldn't ever strike my own children, and I'm proud to say I haven't!

What do you think?

Need advice - 9 year son - angry and divorce (5 replies)

SAtweety — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 11:39:48 -0700

Hi,

I have been divorced for 3 years now. My children goes to their father every other weekend and sleeps over one night during the week. The problem I am having is that whenever my 9 year old son comes back from his dad the attitude changes and he has alot of anger in him :(. Any help or advice will be great.

SAtweety

Returning the TV Clicker to Parents (2 replies)

Jimmy — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:08:26 -0700

Here's another one of Dr. Klein's views about kids and sex. I agree that parents need to accept more responsibility for what's going on in their living and bedrooms. What do you think?
~~
Dr. Klein says:

You've heard about the government raid on the Yearning for Zion fundamentalist Mormon compound in Texas.

Now that a court has told the Texas child welfare authorities that the parenting rights of even polygamists are paramount, I suggest we use that same principle about what kids can watch on TV--instead of letting the government decide, let's put parents in charge.

That means letting parents use methods like the V Chip, ratings system, and cable TV lockout system. Parents can even decide not to own a TV if that's what they want. The important things is that we get the government out of the business of deciding what TV shows kids OR adults can watch.

The FCC was originally established to monitor the technical details of broadcast operations. It slowly evolved into the morality watchdog it is today--which necessarily means it will favor one worldview over another.

This is outrageous and un-American.

Our precious Constitution is clear: "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press." What part of this is unclear?

As part of the expanding Executive branch of government, the FCC has simply seized power it doesn't--and shouldn't--have. Today's "decency" groups say "the people" should decide about broadcast content. OK, let 'em. So memo to individual members of the Parents Television Council and Morality in Media: shut your sets, or change your channels, if you don't like what you see. That's how "the people" can decide for themselves, without deciding for ME.

And that's how democracy works--each of us has an enormous range of rights, and can make whatever private decisions we like. But when "morality" is dragged into governance, those in charge aren't satisfied with making their own choices--they want to limit OTHERS' choices as well. They say "since we believe you SHOULDN'T watch that show, we want to remove your RIGHT to watch it."

Members of groups like PTC, MiM, and the Family Research Council don't want their neighbors watching porn, The Sopranos, or South Park. That's why they want such things off the air.

Incredibly, these groups claim that it isn't the American public that demands "trash" on TV. No? Who's paying for HBO, Showtime, pay-per-view porn? Those things are EXPENSIVE. You gotta really want them if you volunteer to pay those bills.

These groups ask "when it will stop," as if there's some unwanted sewer pipe pouring sexual crap into our TVs. I can tell you exactly when it will stop--when consumers stop wanting it. Then it'll be off the airwaves in a second. Whether it's Howard Stern or Pat Robertson's The 700 Club, the market is exquisitely sensitive to people's tastes.

Ah, the market--where people vote with their dollars, and everyone believes in its wisdom--until some Americans notice what the market says about their neighbors' eroticism.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).

Have you Seen Dr. Rosen's Book, Me, Myself & I??? (10 replies)

Joanne — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:51:55 -0800

Holy Cow!! If you are a parent, you have GOT to read Dr. Rosen's excerpted book chapter in this magazine. It is brilliant, just brilliant.

The chart in that chapter is the most eye-opening commentary I've seen about younger generations. Now I finally understand my neighbor's kids, my nieces and nephews and I thank Dr. Rosen for putting it to paper!

6 year old grandson wearing his mom's panties (2 replies)

TA — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 14:15:48 -0700

My 6 year old grandson has been caught wearing and carrying his mother's panties in his pockets. He has been talked to about this and he is still doing it. We don't know what to make of this. Is this normal for a 6 year old child and he will grow out of it or is this a sign of something else like abuse or homosexuality?

Fighting in my Relationship (3 replies)

Care4UrMind — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:44:33 -0800

My relationship is great, but sometimes we fight about stupid things. Anyone know any good books to help me feel more connected with the people in my life?

child custody mediators (11 replies)

kiki1st — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:26:08 -0800

We have for over a year now....been going throught a custody battle....my fiances EX got remarried and ever since then has decided that their son is unstable going from her home to ours. Mind you though my step son is now 5 and i've been in his life for 4 years now...and his 2 parents have always worked it out so that they both had him equaly...he never had a chance to say that he missed mommy or daddy cause he did see both of them alot...but now that she's married, she says he's unstable...and his home should be hers and our he just visits...
Well this all led up to us going for custody so she couldn't take days away fromus anymore....We have been through everything that is need as far as lawyers and court and now we have to go through a Mediator....We met this lady once in court for 2 hours or so...and from the get go we both could see that she was on the mothers side and never gave us a chance....we have to send emails back and forth now to communicate and they all get sent to this mediator as well and she can comment on whatever is being sent....It sems like we can do nothing in this woman eyes that is right and she has taken the mothers side on more than a few times...she's threatened us with raiseing child support and has told us who we can and can't have for friends...she made many threats and when we try to expalin our side, she tells us we're being deffensive and if we didn't have something to hide we wouldn't need to make comments back...
We are so helpless right now and my step son has changed so much in the last couple of months...He's violent with the other kids, he's rude and he's gotten to the fact that if he wants something we have to get it for him...and get it now. He never was like this when he was with us as much as her....and now we only see him tue. to wed. and every other thur. fri. and sat. This is so much less than what it used to be.....is there anyone that can lend a hand to help us....we don't know where to go to report this lady or what we cando to stop what's been going on...there are many other things that have gone on but this is already getting to be so long.....

College Rejection? (no replies)

Jimmy — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:25:39 -0700

Martial Arts for Kids? (6 replies)

Gregg — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 14:52:33 -0700

I saw on the news where they are teaching Ultimate Fighting to kids 5 and 6 in Missouri. This is the same fighting men do, in the cage with no holds barred. For kids, it's slightly different and safer, with extra padding and protection and rules about punching. However, is this something kids should be taught? I've heard the argument both ways. My own opinion is that, it is not acceptable to teach youngsters this martial arts brand of fighting. There's gotta be some other way for them to work off the energy.

One of the arguments For, is Pop Warner Football, a very favorite pastime for kids and parents. This sport is contact oriented also. I'm one who also thinks kids should wait to play tackle football. The limbs and joints aren't strong enough for contact at this young age.

Personally, I never played Pop Warner and did just fine in high school without the experience. I did play tag football and flag football, and that teaches a youngster all he needs to know at that young age.

Gregg

Shy Children (3 replies)

Joanne — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:29:04 -0700

Parents, Porn Isn't the Problem (4 replies)

Jimmy — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 01:01:11 -0800

new stepdad need to know if behavior is "normal" 9 y/o boy (16 replies)

stepdad2626 — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 22:04:57 -0700

I am a step dad to a 9y/o boy. I have been in his life for two years. His dad has pased away around the time his mother and I started datting. Anthony (step son) is a very sweet and affectionate kid but his behavior in my opinion is un acceptable. His mom says I over React. Anthony is an average student latley the grades are dropping. He talks back, whines almost every time he is told to do something, always has something to say, does not respect other people, interupts peoples conversations and contributes to them even though he is not being talked to, says no or "I dont want to" sometimes when told to do something, has to be told constantly to do things before it gets done, has alot of energy, takes 2 to 3 hours for homework, forgets every day things, just to name a few. He does this to me, his mother, and at school. Anthony has got 10 notes home in the past 6 weeks from school about his behavior. Both his mother and I has had "talks" with him but it seems like when we do that, he is not there or he is not paying attention. His mother says this is all normal. I have a 11 y/o girl and it was never this bad. Am I over reacting? Is this normal behavior? What can be done?

Have I erred? (5 replies)

EastWest — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 18:52:09 -0800

My wife is divorcing me and we are going to have a custody evaluation done soon. She is going to take our kids to be with her family this year for Christmas. Our kids are 2 and 4. I figured that Santa would visit the kids at her family's house this year and at my place next year. I took it upon myself to buy Christmas gifts for my kids that would be specifically from me when we are reunited after the holiday.

Now I'm wondering if I've made a mistake with the custody evaluation coming up. Without knowing me or my family, does it appear that I am trying to buy favor with my kids? That was absolutely not my intent, but I'm afraid that it could be perceived as such.

Your input?

Thank you.