Discussing gay, lebian, bi-sexual and transgendered relationships. Coming out, in-law issues, romance, and anything else you want.http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/list.php?35Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:58:04 -0800 Phorum 5.2.7 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117377,117377#msg-117377 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117377,117377#msg-117377I live in a country in Africa which at the moment is going through a terrible time, with a breakdown of our court system and the absence of law and order., most of the trouble caused by sheer corruption, from the top to the bottom. I also know that the problems of Africa are starting to bore most people in the West because it seems that there is never an end to it .But that is what evolution is all about. Africa appears to me to be about five hundred years behind in the development of civilization, and because one cannot stop evolution in one part of the world so that the other may catch up.Make no error, there are now many
Africans with the qualities which are required for us to go forward, but unfortunately not near enough.
The above is just to give you an idea of the prevailing circumstances in which I live. I, because of my minority status ,am finding it very difficult to have any friends. I do not have any family and where I live I am the only one of my race who remains in my area. Of course I have work mates but we do notshare the same mind set, and discusssing anything other than work related sujects, is just like talking to an answering machine and asking for an opinion frpm it. I wish my dogs could talk english because I'm sure I could get a mouthful from them.
So, I am living in a bit of a vacuum and it's driving me nuts and when I came across SHM I got quite excited, I know that it is not possible to exchange email adresses on this site but I'm wondering if it is possible to organise some form of direct communication though this site. The popular sites for this I think are ones such as Face Book and others which are similar, but I would not be comfortable with those. This place is crawling with gooks and spooks. I hope that I may find someone with whom I can natter and chatter. It does not matter who, as long as its in english, without too much of an accent.]]> ERIC G.K. Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 22 Oct 2009 12:49:25 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117288,117288#msg-117288 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117288,117288#msg-117288
It seems like nothing in my head connects or retains. I can be happy one moment and then the happiness wares off quickly. I don't become angry or sudden mood change, but I just go back to being stressed or very mellow. People can tell me how great I am, and I'm always thinking in my head that I can be more and/or they're just saying that, they don't really mean it.

I remember being truly happy once....maybe twice. When I got my first apartment right out of college (almost two years ago). It was something I did for me, on my own. Had my own job, my own place and while I had no car I had a way to get around. But even in that moment of joy...I was still was feeling a little bit unsatisfied with life because I didn't have something.

I met a woman I later considered to be my wife (we would have take vows officially, but marriage isn't legal in my state. We're a gay couple...well, we were). From the very first day to the very last, I was IN LOVE with her. We never really fought, and when we did it was arguments here and there usually about me jealous or feeling like she didn't love me as much as I loved her. I always felt like I loved her more. At one time, our love did match and it was total bliss. I started a new job, began a new personal project, felt like I was this whole new person...but then being unsatisfied happened again.
I lost my job and we ended up moving in with her mother. I began to feel worthless. I couldn't support her, couldn't support us. Even before I lost my apartment and my job I felt like I wasn't enough for her. I feel like my depression drove her away.
She broke up with me and married a woman I had once considered my best friend, and also who had turned into a bully and threatened my life. I feel like my ex took my life with her...all my future plans were based off of our life together. I gave everything to her. And she just left one day. She refuses to talk to me...and is now married only after a few short months or being with this other person. After taking vows with me and telling me that I was the one for her.

I never got over the heartbreak.I found myself in an abusive relationship after that, and then another stressful/abusive relationship after that one..
The last one costing me my friends, my job, my sanity, and almost my life.

My current girlfriend now is the woman who saved me from all of it. Took me in, gave me a place to stay, and is taking care of me while I'm out of work.

I have been unemployed since June.
My ex and I have been broken up for almost a year now and I'm just now barely getting over her.
With my current girlfriend I don't feel the same intensity of love that I felt with my ex...and it seems like every time we turn around something goes wrong...she says I always seem to get mad at her.
I have no car or place of my own.
I barely have friends...they all seem to have their own lives...happy...and I don't want to disrupt that anymore with my problems.

When my gf and I first started (in the world of chaos I was in) I (thought) I was in a world of happiness. She made me feel incredible, she cared for me, she gave me everything I wanted. It was a fairytale, she made me feel like no one has ever made me feel. I felt strong, wanted, loved, everything when I was with her.
I still think of her as perfect...but I'm wondering if she is the perfect woman for me. And she's wondering the same. I'm scared to let her go because what if I am suppose to be with her and because of everything that has happened I am too blind to see.

I want to be happy. I want to feel joy again. I want to feel that passion, that love I first had with my girlfriend.
I want to be able to forget the hurt of the past and move on to goals of the future.
I want to be able to have a future again.
I feel so dead. I sleep all the time.. I am losing my appetite, I am losing interest in everything.
I need my life back.. I've been this way for too long.

I've been struggling with acceptance and depression for years - even living with my parents from never being fully accepted by them. I was always the peacemaker between the two of them. But never received any love in return. After a while, you just get use to it. My ex was the first woman to show me love without wanting anything in return...my ex still holds so much of me.
I've tried spiritual healing, church, prayer, letters, anger, everything to get over her. To heal myself. To move on. To fall in love with my girlfriend now. To fall inlove and be enough for myself. To just be happy.

Nothing is working.
I am so tired of being this way...and I need help.

My mind is always going. I'm always unhappy, unsatisfied, always something. This past weekend, I had an awesome weekend. I actually had a constant feeling of content..maybe even happiness. It was refreshing, nice and unusual.

However, the feeling wears quickly and I find myself today with an even stronger urge to leave my gf. It's not that she did anything...I'm convincing myself I'm not attracted to her, because I am curious about someone else.

This weekend was her first NCOD. It was a lot of fun - we danced, we went to a strip club afterward, we made love when we got home. The next day we went to a tattoo expo the next day, walked around and had fun, went out and enjoyed each other's company and then came home.

Yesterday I was just so fed up, I had to get out of the house. And I began to feel myself faking it again - faking being with her and being happy. Starting thinking to myself - we don't agree. We get along, but we like different music, we have different opinions about education, sometimes, I feel like she's not paying me any attention, and she's incredibly smarter than me. Everyone else is attracted to her and it feels like I'm not. She's a beautiful, sexy and for some reason I look at her and I want to say "You're going to make some woman very happy one day".

I just want to pack all my things and disappear one day. I don't want her to think it's her. I just don't think we fit as well as she in convinced we do. She's in love with me... I can feel it with every bit of me. And I think about the day I have to leave her and I just cry because I know it has to be done. I can't wake up every morning wondering if this is the day I start planning my leave or not.

I have places I can go and my friend says I can go stay with her...but how do I tell my gf goodbye when it's nothing she's done and I can't explain why I should leave?]]> alcaponekid2 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransTue, 06 Oct 2009 10:24:40 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117136,117136#msg-117136 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117136,117136#msg-117136 lostandhopeful Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 15 Aug 2009 10:45:39 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117086,117086#msg-117086 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,117086,117086#msg-117086Any suggestions.....?]]> educate_mediate Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 06 Aug 2009 15:31:17 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116960,116960#msg-116960 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116960,116960#msg-116960
Any words of advice greatly appreciated.]]> princess_sunshine Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 16 Jul 2009 06:34:02 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116809,116809#msg-116809 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116809,116809#msg-116809 latinasiren78 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 19 Jul 2009 15:29:08 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116808,116808#msg-116808 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116808,116808#msg-116808I am gay, 32, and I came out only recently. I'd say I feel completely comfortable about my sexuality now on the rational and emotional side, but I still haven't had a lot of intimate experience with other gay men. I've always thought that I would "save" myself for the right person, someone I would be in love with and who wouldn't be indifferent about me either. But it's been almost 2 years now since I came out and I am still single. The right person just doesn't seem to be passing my way and I begin to think that perhaps I should reconsider my original intent. Sometimes I feel that I am just being silly, perhaps still closeted, too old-fashioned and naive about holding on to this romantic idea of saving myself for the guy I will be in love with. But at the same time, I find something incredibly sweet and touching in doing this. So what do people think? All comments appreciated. Thanks.]]> Curious Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransMon, 06 Jul 2009 09:52:15 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116523,116523#msg-116523 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116523,116523#msg-116523 IhaveHerpes Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransTue, 28 Apr 2009 16:03:02 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116239,116239#msg-116239 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116239,116239#msg-116239thanks
momof2]]> Momof2 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 18 Apr 2009 10:38:40 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116052,116052#msg-116052 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116052,116052#msg-116052
Today is the day that I face many questions about what society accepts, as a professional butch who is educated.
I just received or is about to receive my Master in Educational Administration.
The problem is this I have lived as a gender Outlaw basically all my adult life. I have always wore cloths that " colonizes masculinity" not necessarily imitate the male role but threaten masculinity. I have worked in the nontraditional roles where femininity was not an issue mainly because we " all look alike" and as a Correction Office such boundaries are overlooked.
Now in the professional world of Educating the Gender rules are more apparent, women have to look like professional.

My problem is this how do I mainstream as a Gender outlaw or a Gender compromiser?]]> farrington70 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 26 Mar 2009 20:53:30 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116007,116007#msg-116007 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,116007,116007#msg-116007
Well i was in love with my best friend...she left me two years ago..i left that place so i can forget her.Now i am here at new place with new people...middle of nowhere i gave an interview i saw this beautiful women and on very first feeling was wow..she is beautiful..and then thought she is beautiful ..i was so attract towards her ...i donno what to say...i never in my wildest dream thought she gonna feel something too it seems...

so i got selected i joined my job and i was walking through canteen there she was standing looking at me saying hi how ru ? i was so nervous i smiled..in front of her all i can do is smile..thats it...then i was sittin in canteen she was coming from right in front and again a beautiful smile and that look ...i again blushed...these things started happening again n again i was gettin heal what happened in my past...then she started trying to talk to me ..i was so nervous there she was a dream a crush....i donno how to handle this...all i was doing smile..the way she looks at me...so many times she tried talking to me all i do is look at floor...she even walk after me sometime to changing room...all she do is hi how r u ? or smile or say see ya...but with that look on her face...one day i was doing lunch...all she was doing looking at me..when i looked at her she turned her face....i always thought she is bit lost ...and she is few days later i got to know she got a bf...that too working in same place.... i was so angry what the hell here she is giving me all kind of looks ...i started ignoring her more ...what i saw she n her bf coming to work at same time...all the time they are toghter but still she keeps giving me that look she even visted my social profile.....i am attract towards her....but i guess it gonna be big problem its a work place... i guess she is bisexual...or something...i donno what to do....if she shows more interest what should i do how to handle this ? i am so confused ....its clear she has something goin on for me.......i only had one relationship with women that was with my best friend......now all we both do is look at the floor not even smiling.....i avoid her and she avoids me too... so pls advice its gettin tough for me to be in such situation at my workplace.]]> lovedangel Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 29 Mar 2009 15:29:09 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114943,114943#msg-114943 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114943,114943#msg-114943My first wife never knew and she ended up having an affair which in essence ended our relationship, My 'friend' ended up moving away which was a great relief and ended my sexual ventures with men for a while..... But I have been hooked, I still have urges and my pornograghy got way out of control, esp with the advances on the internet. I began looking at straight, bi & gay porn and couldn't stop. Like my subject says I am messed up and want as well as need help!]]> Stever Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 09 May 2009 13:24:31 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114858,114858#msg-114858 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114858,114858#msg-114858
You may remember Lance from his days with the Boy Band N'sync. A wildly popular band whose gig was not only in song, but their Nsync dancing together. It was quite magnificent and interesting even as an old Codger viewer. Of course the lyrics and music did nothing for El Greggo. I was still thinking of the Beatles or Stones. But the dancing!! The rhythm, the beat, they put cheerleaders across the country to shame. The cutest guy, (thinking along with the screaming girls here) was Lance Bass hands down. For what it's worth, Paul was the cutest Beatle of course and we're still working on a make over for Keith Richards of the Stones.

When the group ran it's course and broke up came the shocker to screaming girls across the land. It was even a knee rattler for El Greggo when Lance announced he was Gay! He sank the heart of many a girl. He remains popular but when the girls can't have you, they are done with you. Gregg knows about this all too well.

Lance finished third in the voting and judging on Dancing with the Stars. It's my own opinion he might have won if he had a male dance partner and he was judged blindly on talent and dancing ability alone. But he was not of course. He failed to connect with his female partner soulfully and intertwingingly. He often looked like he was going it alone up there and showing off. Len, the Judge, mentioned several times about being more "into" his partner and getting her involved. He looked like he was faking it.

Joey Fatone, the straight 8 member of the band fared much better than Lance, yet Lance the more popular member before he came out. Is America ready for something like this, two men dancing, or two females partnering up in competition on National TV? So if the outcry is for equality in Same Sex Marriage, other things need to change as well. Will they?

Gregg]]> Gregg Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 04 Jan 2009 22:02:02 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114659,114659#msg-114659 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114659,114659#msg-114659
Nations that recognize gay marriage:

Canada
In June of 2005, the Canadian Parliament enacted a law allowing legal marriage for same-sex couples.

Belgium
The second nation to legalize same-sex marriage in 2003.

Netherlands
The first country to grant gay marriage in 2001.

Norway
Became the sixth country to legalize same-sex marriage on May 11, 2008. (read more)

South Africa
South Africa became the fifth nation to recognize gay marriage in 2005.

Spain
Spain became the fourth nation to allow gay marriage on June 29, 2005.

US states that recognize gay marriage:

Connecticut
In a 4 to 3 decision, the Connecticut Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on same-sex marriage, making it the third state to allow legal gay marriage...

New Jersey*
New Jersey is the third U.S. state to offer same-sex civil unions behind Vermont and Connecticut. The new same-sex civil unions law, which goes into affect on February 19, 2007, grants gay and lesbian couples the same rights as marriage. *(Although same-sex unions in New Jersey are classified as civil unions, couples are granted the same rights as married heterosexual couples.)

New York
Note: By a May 29, 2008 directive, New York only recognizes gay marriages from couples legally married outside of the state.

Massachusetts
On May 17, 2004 Massachusetts became the first U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage. The State of Massachusetts also issues licenses to gay couples from New Mexico and Rhode Island since neither state explicitly prohibits same-sex marriage.

Nations that allow same-sex partnerships or unions:


Brazil*
*Only the Brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul currently allows same-sex civil unions (June 2006).

Croatia
Civil partnerships for same-sex couples have been granted since 2003.

Denmark
Legal civil partnerships have been allowed since 1989.

Finland
Has offered registered partnership benefits since September 2001.

France
Pacte Civil de Solidarité” (PACS), or “Civil Solidarity Pacts,” were instituted in France on November 9, 1999.

Germany
Gay couples can register as "Life Partnerships," granting lesser financial and pension benefits than marriage.

Hungary
Gay couples have been protected under common-law marriages since 1995; however they are not eligible for legal marriage.

Iceland
Since 1996, gay Icelanders have been protected under registered partnerships.

Luxembourg
Civil partnership legislation modeled after France's PACS were introduced in Luxembourg in 2004.

Mexico
Same sex civil unions were legalized in Mexico City in November 2006 and in the state of Coahuila on January of 2007, essentially making civil unions legal in all of Mexico (by law, each Mexican state must recognize the laws granted to individuals of the other states).

New Zealand
In December, 2004, New Zealand enacted legislation recognizing same-sex civil unions.

Norway
Since 1996, gay Norwegians have been protected under registered partnerships.

Portugal
Same-sex partners have the same rights as opposite-sex partners in common law marriage.

Sweden
Swedish same-sex couples have been able to register under domestic partnership laws since 1995.

Switzerland
Same-sex couples are given limited legal benefits with civil recognition.

United Kingdom
Domestic partners can register under the Civil Partnership Act. This legislation took affect in December 5, 2005 giving registered same-sex couples all of the rights, privileges and responsibilities of married heterosexual couples. The Civil Partnership Act applies across all of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.

US States that allow same-sex partnerships or unions:

Connecticut
Although Connecticut defines marriage as between a man and woman, it became the second U.S. state to grant same-sex civil unions in April, 2005.

New Hampshire
New Hampshire, home of the Episcopal Church's first openly gay bishop, V. Gene Robinson, became the 4th state behind Vermont, New Jersey and Connecticut to offer civil unions. Same-sex partners were allowed to register for civil unions in January 2008.

Oregon
Under Oregon's new domestic partnership law gay and lesbian couples are eligible for all the state-wide rights and benefits of marriage. Oregon also outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Vermont
The first U.S. state to offer same-sex civil unions in 2000.

Washington
On April 21, 2007, Washington's domestic partnership bill was signed into law giving gay and lesbian couples many of the benefits of marriage.

The list above comes from this webpage: [gaylife.about.com]

Any update is welcomed!]]> Lily Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransTue, 06 Jan 2009 05:15:49 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114657,114657#msg-114657 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114657,114657#msg-114657
The focus on sex has bothered me since I came out. I remember saying to my Mom years ago, "Gee Mom, do you suppose gay people have a life beyond sex?"

It seems as if the first thing anyone thinks of when they meet a gay couple is their sex life. Do we think of sex immediately when we see a straight couple? Maybe you do, but I don't.

Here's more my point: Do you see straight people calling their unions "opposite-sex" marriage? Language choice is very important. I much prefer the term gay marriage and lesbina marriage, but that's just me. Once again, I'd invite comments from other people!]]> Lily Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransMon, 05 Jan 2009 21:24:41 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114173,114173#msg-114173 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114173,114173#msg-114173 jimbob101 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 28 Mar 2009 10:15:58 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114150,114150#msg-114150 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114150,114150#msg-114150The comment below is from Marty Klein, Ph.D. This is his opinion, and I agree with him. What's your opinion?

Chicago school officials held a hearing last week to help determine whether or not the city will open a high school catering to gay, lesbian and transgender kids.

Those in favor argue it will reduce violence against gay teens, lowering their risk of injury, absenteeism, and substance abuse. Opponents call it a municipal endorsement of homosexuality, which they say is wrong.

Some gay advocates argue against it from a totally different direction, saying it marginalizes gay kids, making them invisible. This is really closer to the point.

The way to make gay kids safer is not by hiding them in a protected environment-it's integrating them into the social system of their schools. When straight people have gay friends, gay kids won't get harassed any more than their straight peers. When gay kids are known as Kevin and Maria rather than the homo dude or the lesbo chick, they'll be tormented only as much as anyone else in their high school.

All teens need to learn empathy. That means resonating with the humanity of people who seem different from us. The rich kid might hate his face; a young woman with large breasts might feel as embarrassed as her flat-chested classmate; a kid in a wheelchair can feel horny and ignored; and a gay kid can feel overwhelmed by teasing.

Straight kids need to know more about the lives of gay kids. And gay kids need to build relationships with straight kids--since they will live in a world with mostly straight people.

Gay people don't have a "gay problem" any more than German Jews had a "Jewish problem" or Alabama blacks had a "black problem." Gay kids don't need a ghetto or a plantation--they just need normal life. For better or worse, high school is the closest any 15-year-old is going to get.


Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 19 Oct 2008 00:17:19 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114004,114004#msg-114004 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,114004,114004#msg-114004
I am worried that many people will not bother to think beyond the obvious, and without knowing it, vote in favor of denying any America citizen the same protections that everyone else has. Gaus and lesbians are delied over 150 tax breaks that straight people get. over a lifetime, that is a lot of money. We also are denied a lot of social benefits, emotional benefits and legal protections.

This is a civil rights issue, not a religious issue. We live in the United States of America. We should not be using our legal system to vote on religious issues.

That's how I feel, anyway.

What's your feeling on this issue?]]> Lily Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransTue, 18 Nov 2008 22:04:30 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,113244,113244#msg-113244 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,113244,113244#msg-113244 gg Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 13 Sep 2008 14:04:00 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112767,112767#msg-112767 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112767,112767#msg-112767
I'm a 19 year old bi female and discovered my sexuality several years ago. I'm happy to know who I am now, and my friends who know are fine with it. My biggest problem recently has been trying to figure out the right way to go about coming out to my parents. I want them to know, mostly because I'm tired of lying about who I am while I'm around them. They are divorced. My mother comes from a family that is very proper and shun anything "scandalous". My father has never approved of anything "too gay", as he would say. I'm afraid of their reactions and how my coming out would change our relationship. I love my parents, but I'm not really close to them (as in they aren't the kind I can talk about everything with) and I don't see them as taking the news well. I really need help with this because I have no idea how to even bring it up. If you could tell me what worked for you, how you went about doing it, or any advice at all it would be so so greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

~ Mirmi]]> mirmi Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 06 Aug 2009 16:22:10 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112528,112528#msg-112528 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112528,112528#msg-112528I have had many relationships with guys, only two that involved sexual activity, and the rest, only a few of them I kissed. The thing is, I AM attracted to boys, but.. not in the same way my friends are. I do not think a penis is attractive, at all. And I dont find a sixpack too sexy either. But Im attracted to them by their personalities, and general things, such as their eyes, and lips, and hair.. you know, stuff like that.

But recently, im afraid of myself. My bestfriend is a total homophobe, but i find myself attracted to her.. in a sexual way, im not sure, but i am attracted to her. I dont know what to do, because, I dont know if this is.. hinting? to anything, or just a phase.. i have no idea, and I've never been so confused in my life. Since I was about thirteen, anytime I was watching a movie, I somewhat fantasized about the gorgeous women in them, but again, i am attracted to men, too. Sometimes, I even find myself watching LOGO (the homosexual channel on DirecTV). But its because Im confused, and worried, and so curious, but i live in a very homophobic area, and not many people would be supportive, at all.

I would really love some advice or opinions on my situation.
Thanks.]]> sleepinginsilence Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransFri, 03 Oct 2008 16:39:00 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112393,112393#msg-112393 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112393,112393#msg-112393 needhelp Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransFri, 03 Oct 2008 16:12:02 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112114,112114#msg-112114 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112114,112114#msg-112114~~
Dr. Klein said:
Same-gender marriage is not a "gay issue." "Don't ask, don't tell" is not a "gay issue." Parity in child custody decisions is not a "gay issue."

These aren't "gay issues" because compromising the civil equality of any group in America compromises everyone's civil rights. A government that can discriminate against a parent just because he's gay can (and of course does) discriminate against a parent just because she's a stripper or she's into bondage. A government that criminalizes the consensual sex acts of gays can (and of course does) criminalize other private consenting sex acts, such as the use of vibrators and teens' right to have sex with other teens.

The more that legal questions about gay rights are in the news, the more we're told to fear the monstrous Gay Agenda. So it's time for those pushing the Gay Agenda to stand up and make it clear who most of its supporters are: non-gays. Heterosexuals.

Yes, the vast majority of Americans who support the full civil equality of gay people are straight. True enough, much of the passion, the money, the time, and the creative political will is coming from gay men and women. But tens of millions of straight Americans are spending their money and their time supporting the legislative, corporate, and cultural changes so neatly summarized by terrified, angry people as the Gay Agenda.

Because gays are a numerical minority in the U.S., more straight people celebrated the end of laws criminalizing gay sex than gays did. More straight than gay people celebrated the California court decision legalizing same-gender marriage. More straight than gay people are working hard to change county bureaucracies across America that currently discriminate against gay parents.

When you hear Focus on The Family or Concerned Women for America or Morality in Media decrying "those" people pushing "their" Gay Agenda, stand up and make it clear: the problem isn't "those" people and "their" goals--it's "me" and "my" goals. It's "us" and "our" goals.

You don't have to be Black to promote racial equality. You don't need to be a woman to demand total access to Emergency Contraception. And you don't need to be gay to support gay rights.

You just need to appreciate the urgency of guaranteeing that all Americans enjoy the same civil rights. And you need to appreciate that your rights are best protected in a country that protects everyone's rights.

So the next time Jerry Falwell--or your neighbor--goes off about the Gay Agenda, smile and say "Yes, our Gay Agenda. Isn't it wonderful!"

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org).]]> Jimmy Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransThu, 19 Jun 2008 11:21:21 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112111,112111#msg-112111 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,112111,112111#msg-112111~~
Dr. Klein says:
The California Supreme Court has just overturned the state's ban on same-gender marriage. People (gay AND straight) who support full civil rights for all Californians are celebrating; those who believe people forfeit their routine civil rights if they have same-gender sex are outraged.

Memo to this latter group:

I've read your denunciations of this court decision. When I look beyond the lies and distortions, I see your fear and anger. And I sympathize. Appreciating your pain helps me forgive--well, at least understand--your destructive, undignified lying, your desperate cries that civilization is collapsing.

So let me address some of your lies:

Lie: "These are liberal, activist judges inventing new laws."
Fact: You know that three of the four judges affirming the decision were appointed by Republican governors. They describe themselves as conservatives who consider the Constitution the final authority, not themselves.

Lie: "This will destroy traditional marriage."
Fact: You know it hasn't done so in Massachusetts, or in Spain, an even more traditional society. Traditional marriage has been destroying itself quite energetically in America for years, BEFORE gays could marry.

Lie: "Marriage is intended to facilitate procreation."
Fact: You know that if this were true, marriage would be denied to couples who were infertile, post-menopausal, or committed to being childless. The state doesn't do fertility tests before issuing marriage licenses.

Lie: "Children are better off with a heterosexual couple."
Fact: You know there are no reliable studies showing that kids do better with straight parents. You know there are LOTS of studies showing that kids do as well with gay parents as with straight parents with similar incomes and education. And you know that half of all heterosexual married couples get divorced. Do you argue that having divorced heterosexual parents is good for kids?

You tell these degrading lies because you're afraid. Afraid of this homosexual "other," this monster you're convinced is different from you. If you knew how many gay people you saw today at Starbucks or Target or the gas station you might not be so afraid. If you knew that that helpful woman three cubicles down from yours is gay you might not so easily deny her the basic rights that you enjoy.

Being a psychologist, I have to add that you (or your best friend) tell these lies because the whole idea of a man kissing a man's penis is creepy. A creepy idea that you (like ALL men) think about once in a while--which is way too often for your comfort.

You tell these lies because you're angry. Things are changing way too fast for any of us to absorb. Everyone who isn't young feels old. It seems like no one's really in control. We can't blame the Communists, and the terrorists aren't molesting our kids, or demanding we commute 90 minutes to work everyday in horrible traffic.

Your churches and political leaders are telling you who's ruining America--gays. You can't kill them or deport them, so you try to limit their rights and their impact. You're failing. You're getting angrier.

And now it looks like gays are going to share what you value most--the right to love, and the right to have that love blessed by the state (with, of course, the tax advantages and hospital privileges that come with that blessing).

I understand your pain.
But quit lying.

Gays don't want to seduce you or your spouse, don't want to molest your kids, don't want to undermine your marriage. Each gay man and lesbian has their own life to lead, their own petty little problems to work out. It's not all about you and your little marriage, which NO ONE except you cares about.

So I understand your pain.
But quit lying.

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (www.SexualIntelligence.org)]]> Jimmy Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransWed, 19 Nov 2008 15:57:21 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,111876,111876#msg-111876 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,111876,111876#msg-111876 Greg20 Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 28 Jun 2008 14:31:15 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,111552,111552#msg-111552 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,111552,111552#msg-111552
I'm a straight male who split up from a long-term relationship (about 8 years duration) with a woman about six months ago.

Quite soon after the split, I met a woman who was sparky, friendly, intelligent and all-round good company. Later it emerged that she identified herself as a lesbian, but I couldn't care less. Why should I? It would be like rejecting someone for the color of their eyes - dumb! Somehow - I'm not sure quite how - we became very good friends almost overnight. She was, and still is, a good friend, a solid companion and an emerging soulmate. Soon afterwards I met her girlfriend and we all got on really well...

She's always been very affectionate and demonstrative towards me - lots of hugs, pecks on the cheek, calls to make sure I'm ok if we haven't met for a while - nothing creepy or sinister, just caring and considerate.

Just lately though, things seemed to move up a notch. She'd been having trouble with her girlfriend, who it turned out was feckless, violent and unstable. At the same time, my friend seemed to be changing our relationship. Now, if we were walking down the street, she wanted to be holding hands. If we're sitting in a bar she likes to be holding me or keeping an arm around me. None of which bothers me in the slightest - I like the affection and closeness without the usual baggage.

But now things have got a little more serious. A couple of times now, my friend has asked me how I'd feel about going to bed and "fooling around" with her. No penetration, just kissing, stroking and touching. I'm tempted - we are both very close and it would be the easiest thing in the world, because we are so comfortable together. It's almost like she wants a pseudo-lesbian relationship with me - BUT - I'm worried that I would be taking advantage of someone dear to me who's a bit lost or just going through a bad time and end up wrecking everything...]]> shedseven Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransTue, 02 Sep 2008 20:54:47 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110723,110723#msg-110723 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110723,110723#msg-110723
This probably shouldn't be that big of a deal but I'm becoming very unhappy. It's hard for me to really embrace my true self when I'm trying to be someone who I'm not. I know I need to branch out and find others in the gay community who I can connect with but it is definitely not as easy as I thought it would be.]]> Elleana Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 18 May 2008 09:55:12 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110449,110449#msg-110449 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110449,110449#msg-110449 barbra Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 24 Feb 2008 10:38:47 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110054,110054#msg-110054 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,110054,110054#msg-110054 outtededdie Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSun, 03 Feb 2008 14:01:55 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,109152,109152#msg-109152 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?35,109152,109152#msg-109152
My question is what am I. I have read about "top", "bottom", andro, butch, femme, soft butch, high femme. I never did care much for labels but I am curious how I would fall into the label spectrum. I would appreciate any information that anyone can provide.]]> teaberrywmn Gay/Lesbian/Bi/TransSat, 05 Jan 2008 07:49:42 -0800