Coping with one's own addictions, or coping with loved ones who have these addictions. http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/list.php?20Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:34:43 -0800 Phorum 5.2.7 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,117206,117206#msg-117206 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,117206,117206#msg-117206GET LAID TONIGHT!]]> SexySexyJenny Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSat, 29 Aug 2009 03:16:38 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,116021,116021#msg-116021 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,116021,116021#msg-116021
After about 18 years I ended up taking 2 tablets at least 4-5 times a day. For now I have managed to cut down to 1 tablet when I REALLY feel like I need it but do not know for how long I will resist the urge to just start taking them as I used to.

I’ve also stopped smoking for almost 6 weeks now. (I ended up smoking 30-40 a day after 20 years of smoking)

I’m doing my best to stay positive but most of the time I have this feeling of utter despair as if my life will never be as enjoyable as it used to be. At these times I also feel that having a cigarette will definitely help to lift my mood but haven’t tested that out yet as I do not want to get trapped again. (I should be completely over the nicotine cravings by now!)

I’m not sure but believe that it may be because I’m not taking as many sinus tablets as I used to that’s making me feel so anxious and in despair but have a feeling that it could also be a combination of not smoking and cutting down on the tablets.

I would appreciate it if someone could give me advice on this and how to handle it. I do not want to go back to the way I use to be with smoking and taking so many tablets but also do not want to keep on feeling the way I do now. Are there any better ways to cope with cutting down and eventually stopping?]]> maxx Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 14 Aug 2009 01:02:39 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115685,115685#msg-115685 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115685,115685#msg-115685when we got back i tried the chewing gums and have now been chewing them for 4 years!!! I don't even chew them like it says on pack i will chew like gum one after another. Has any one any advice please i need to stop...:~]]> kipling Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSun, 29 Mar 2009 19:18:36 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115671,115671#msg-115671 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115671,115671#msg-115671 scaredmoma Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSun, 05 Jul 2009 19:44:44 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115427,115427#msg-115427 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,115427,115427#msg-115427
For beer drinkers crossing over, your reminded the non-al beer is just as expensive, especially in bars and restaurants. It'll go down like perrier water and faster than a thirsty wanderer in the Sahara. Beer drinkers, even alchys have a gauge and sort of enjoy the limit feeling. You know when you gulp down the limit and your now in the red zone. No limit on non-al.

For crusty barflys and boozers, it's sort of embarassing to order a non-al beer. Everyone assumes your an alchy on the dole or wagon. I have decent self-control, but something about ordering a non-al beer leaves me flat? I went this route not because of alcoholism, but my system couldn't take alcohol and meds. So I began drinking non-al beer at blues bars so I could still enjoy the moment sort of. Also, the non-al beer left me sober and so many things need sobriety anymore.

I've actually known some who don't think beer and wine are harmful? Especially wine, they see it as healthy? It's a starter for some, but I've known more alchys on beer than liquor.

thanks for the topic Dini, Ggg]]> Gregg Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSun, 29 Mar 2009 19:20:59 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114946,114946#msg-114946 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114946,114946#msg-114946 cat65az Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 02 Jan 2009 20:12:16 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114884,114884#msg-114884 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114884,114884#msg-114884
I'm currently battling chew. I'm a late bloomer with chew, but in many regards it's worse than smoke. I did it haphazardly maybe 15 years ago as just a hobby while driving. Long days behind the wheel and nothing to do but drive. I fear I am addicted to the nicotine effect? Other than chew, I am addicted to nothing and I take meds that I could toss right now but have a stroke later.

I've known alcoholics but few drugees personally other than acquaintances I noted the possibilities of addiction. Drugees usually are either very high, or very low without. It's a great day! or it's a terrible day depending. But how bout the guy or woman who drinks all day and is never drunk? Then there's the guy who gets blistered, really smashed and causes grief on a regular basis. He can't live without alcohol but knows how much trouble it is causing him. I've known men and women like that.

Where does addiction start? I personally never drank till I was around 23. Even in the military I did not drink. Some have thot a Nam Vet would smoke and drink over there? No. Actually few guys drank because they were around 18 or so. There was no pot either putting to rest the stereotypical view of combat vets in the sixties.

When I drank at 23 I drank to get drunk and pick up chicks. I only did that sparingly, like maybe every two weeks on a Friday night. But then it became habit forming, drinking, dancing and picking up women. Booze hid my shyness in the presence of girls. When I met my future wife, it was in a niteclub but we seldom drank after that. Just sex in a motel with RC Cola and pretzels. I began to enjoy beer at home in my 30's but not to get drunk. But the enjoyment was sort of a problem for the future because I never enjoyed the taste of beer till then.

After my divorce I went back to square one. In some ways it was like revisiting the past. Beer, girls and dancing. I would drink a six pack, get my engine running with oldies but goodies tunes with my ego encased in my wranglers and starched shirts, and flaunt myself around the babes. My ego was so supercharged I didn't care if someone went home with me or not. I was in love with me, the music, and how good I looked. Lol! Was it the inebriation? Only in part because I did look good and felt good.

A good time always included shots of wild turkey, tequilla and beer, with women on the side. I viewed the booze and women as one big goodie together, not separately. Very much like chew, I was a late bloomer, not some teen who began drinking in school or in an abusive home. Perhaps deep in side I was dying a slow death? I dunno. I often thought of her, my exwife, the women I loved so dearly and missed, and on occassion the war which brought me to tears, both brought me to tears privately. But for those brief shining moments with booze and girls, it was a different world and life.

But like the Pentacostals who reminded me about rock bottom and being luke warm. I have never hit it perhaps? Booze, smoke, chew. But remembering her, what I once had and no no more, the war, my buddies who died, perhaps that is rock bottom? I dunno, I just keep coping here on the SHM.

Gregg]]> Gregg Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 02 Dec 2008 07:26:50 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114577,114577#msg-114577 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,114577,114577#msg-114577Unhappy Hour. A Clever description of a Hell on Earth
Hi from South Africa,
I went from Happy Hour to Unhappy Hour. It did not take long. Watch yourself carefully. Alcoholism and Depression can creep up on you. I now prefer to write about these killers.]]> alanb Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 14 Nov 2008 06:51:28 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,113735,113735#msg-113735 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,113735,113735#msg-113735
So, I am back to the slow process of titrating. I have mentioned this in both individual and group therapy (where there is another sober alky like me), but one of the feelings I am having about this is resentment. I have never abused the meds. Never taken more than prescribed, never saved them up for a wang-dang-doodle of a "prescribed high," etc. Yet, I find myself in this state of "dependency" which requires that I titrate and cannot simply just stop (if I want to function at all - not to mention feel halfway human). I did not feel this way when these particular meds were necessary; that was different because they were necessary, in both my opinion and that of psych doc. That's not an issue or problem nor do I have any negative feelings about that.........what I didn't expect, was that there would be such strong withdrawal effects and that such careful and lengthy titrating would be necessary.

It makes me feel "dependent" on drugs I no longer need but must take as part of the process to stop taking them (I know the rational answer lies in that sentence but it doesn't change how I feel). Yet, as a sober alky, I DO feel icky and resentful and really ambivalent about even this form of "dependency" on any drug which is not medically necessary. (Yes, I know, you can make the argument that it's medically necessary to avoid the withdrawal symptoms, such as the fact that I might have a seizure as was pointed out by psych doc).

Anybody else felt that way when titrating from meds? Or have any thoughts or comments?

I don't look forward to "needing" this stuff for one hour longer than necessary and really dislike "needing" ANY of it now. Part of that is simply me, who I am. Another part is the sober alky that I am; that I'm a "sober" alky yet have this form of dependence on meds/drugs that are no longer medically necessary. Sober and dependent?????????? Rationally, I can make that compute. Emotionally it is not adding up for me.

Thanks.]]> Dini Drug, Alcohol & NicotineWed, 12 Nov 2008 16:55:15 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,112548,112548#msg-112548 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,112548,112548#msg-112548 mindy823 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:22:43 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,112236,112236#msg-112236 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,112236,112236#msg-112236It’s important to stop drugs everyone because it not only spoils your health but also spoils the happiness of your family.
I’ve experienced a lot in my past.
Please think…

“SO, Stop Drinking and Start Thinking.”
===============
ALEX

Addiction Recovery Connecticut]]> alex45 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineThu, 03 Jul 2008 07:23:15 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111767,111767#msg-111767 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111767,111767#msg-111767
[tipstoimpress.blogspot.com]

your sincerely

vinny]]> vinnywilson Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 20 May 2008 02:47:11 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111465,111465#msg-111465 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111465,111465#msg-111465 christen29 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineSun, 05 Jul 2009 19:40:50 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111416,111416#msg-111416 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,111416,111416#msg-111416
I dont have any drinking or drug problems. my problem is I really dont like drunk men. to the point where they scare me so much I shake with fear. and even if I see drunk men out I get angry and frustrated. now there are reasons behind this which I will not go into..... but its got to the point where I cant enjoy a night out because Im constantly getting angry.

this is because my view on people that drink to excess or drink to forget things etc is a bit warped.

I am not writing this to get anyone angry

I want help - I want help to understand what happens. what makes you do this etc. especially men please. I want to stop hating every drinker and start understanding.

I still think that there is no need for violence - but its not these people i get angry at, its all types. even happy silly ones.
I just want to go out. I dont really understand alcohol drinking to excess... because it does nothing but make me feel really really sick. so I dont do it.

can you help?]]> scruff5 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:32:19 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,109899,109899#msg-109899 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,109899,109899#msg-109899 finmia Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:39:54 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,108947,108947#msg-108947 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,108947,108947#msg-108947
I have found many nicotine patches and fake cigarettes, do these help ?

I also found many software to help people stop smoking, most are free. What is the best one ?

I found one at www.stopbuddy.com , it is new ? anybody know this software? Please let me know what to do]]> Johnderokert Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:34:18 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,108545,108545#msg-108545 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,108545,108545#msg-108545
"R" (as I will refer to my fiance from now on) has a history of drug use. Pretty extensive use of marijuana in the past, only recently tapering off due to urine drug screens for probation following an arrest with possession of cocaine about a year ago. Had also used ecstasy and acid in the past, years ago. So I knew he had a history, but so do I. I was pretty heavy into coke and X from about age 17 to 23 (I'm 28 now). So I can understand having a past, and I can appreciate the difficulties in moving ahead. But I know it can be done because I've done it.

Also, R takes prescribed Xanax for anxiety that came from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (a whole other story...for another time). He still gets really anxious really easily. Anyway, he uses less than the prescribed daily dose, and I monitored it because I was nosy. I know he wasn't abusing Xanax. But this info comes in handy later.

So when he and I met about 8 months ago, our histories were one of the many things we had in common, and I felt I could be a good source of support for him. Not only because of my past, but because I am now a therapist.I believed that we were very honest with each other about everything, and he and I even talked about how good it felt and how different it was from our past relationships. I knew he was the One, and we got engaged on my birthday in August, 4 months after we met. Quickly, I know, but we just knew.

Everything was great in the beginning for the most part. I did notice that he liked to drink, but most of our dates in the beginning involved having drinks because we both got off work at 11 pm. I didn't think too much of it. Our dirty martinis were something else we had in common. He still smoked pot very infrequently, maybe a couple hits every week or so. He always passed his drug screens. He quit his job in August due to being overworked and manipulated by his superiors. He already had another job lined up, thanks to someone he had worked with previously. Hired without an interview, etc. Went to work the first day, and an administrator told him he had to leave immediately and could not work there. They had run his background check and found the drug charges.

R became pretty depressed following this incident, with good reason. He looked for jobs, sent out resumes, etc. No luck. He spent a lot of time at home, watching tv. And drinking. Then one night I felt intuition telling me to check his phone. I found messages to a 19-year-old who had been his student where he had just quit working. He had been smart enough to delete the messages from her, but not the ones to her. I will quote: "No, she doesn't suspect anything." "Just don't send me any messages on myspace. She has her eyes open." Needless to say, I flipped. He told me she had come to him talking about how her boyfriend was abusive to her and he felt the need to be supportive to her. He said she had started coming onto him at school and even got his cell phone number and began texting him. He said he didn't encourage it but didn't really discourage it either. Swears he never even saw her outside of the school. The truth is still to be known. Anyway, that's where the problems started.

I began to catch him in little, stupid lies. I began to question every single thing he ever said or did. I became paranoid. And I felt like the entire foundation of our relationship was broken. The situation snowballed, with me accusing him and him continuing to lie and hide things. Then I found out he had been looking at "teen" porn for hours on end while I was at work. I was disturbed not only because of the genre, but because I have a sexual abuse history and it triggered me. It really weirded me out, and I didn't want him to touch me for a while. I told him our only chance was to go to couples therapy. He agreed, went willingly, participated, and paid $125 a week out of pocket. (He's a trust fund baby). I think the therapy definitely helped, but I just had a really hard time trusting him, about anything.

A couple times I found hidden beer bottles (empty), a couple of times he went out to drink with his friends and I thought it was shady. But I thought maybe I was just being paranoid.I found porn sites on his computer's history a couple of times and it caused big fights. But I still wanted to work on things. I started obsessing even more, wondering what he was doing even when I knew he was at home. I purchased a remote computer monitoring program and installed it on his computer. I was able to see every site visited, every key typed, even freeze frames of websites. No porn for almost 3 weeks. I thought it was progress. Then I found it again.

We talked about the hiding and lying thing in therapy. The psychologist suggested that his compulsive lying is a pattern from his childhood, and that for some reason he feels that if he tells me the truth about things, I may be disappointed, judge him, not want to be with him, etc. All valid points. But I love him, and thought I was showing that love by continuing to try to work on things. Then it came out that the younger brother (3 yrs) of his daughter (6 yrs) from his former marriage (age 21-25, he's 28 now) is actually his child too. No biggie, except for the fact that he had always told me that the boy was the product of an affair his ex had at the end of their marriage. In therapy, it came out that he had been pretty sure the child was his the whole time, but felt it was easier to let me think he only had one child "because I might not want to be with him if I knew the truth." Oh, the lies! I only found out because I had a weird feeling and insisted he take a paternity test.

The night after we went to therapy and it came out that he had known about his paternity, I was at work and got a text from him that said he was going out with a friend for a while. That entire day had been torture for me, and I had been looking forward to going home and hopefully being able to talk to him about what we had processed since the session. So I told him his timing sucked, as usual. But then I became angry and resentful, and decided "Fine, I'm going out too." I have never gone out without him since we have been together, so I knew that would have an impact. An old friend of mine was in town, so I went out for drinks. So the night went on, and on, and on. 2 am and I hadn't heard anything from him. 3 am. At that point, I was tipsy and pissed that he hadn't even texted to see if I was ok, if I had made it home safe, anything.I expected to hear from him around 3, when he would have arrived home after closing the bars with his friends. I expected him to walk in, see I wasn't there, and freak. But I heard nothing, so I decided to teach him a real lesson. I didn't go home. I slept on the couch at my friend's brother and wife's house. But he didn't know, because he didn't come home either. We each found out that the other hadn't come home the next day. My issue was that he didn't care to check on me, see if I was safe, etc, when my even going out was completely out of character for me. His issue was "Did you hook up? You slept at a guy's house??"

That felt like the last straw for me. I love him and want to be with him, but insisted on a trial separation in order to gain some perspective. He agreed to it, even though he wasn't happy about it. He went to stay at his sister's house that evening. I knew it was going to be hard, but probably for the best. When I got home from work, I went to throw something in the trash when I saw a tied up plastic bag at the bottom of the otherwise empty trashcan. "Let me see how many beers he drank today" I thought. When I pulled the bag out, the noise made me realize it wasn't beer bottles. I cut the bag open and found 4 cases of empty nitrous oxide cartridges (whip-its, stuff you huff to get high if you don't know).

I immediately called him to confront him. He was obviously wasted, slurring his words.First he tried to deny it, said it was his friend's. When he realized I wasn't buying it, he admitted they were his and was like "Ok, I'm a crackhead, I'm a loser." And then he told me he was going out. To drink some more. I sat up most of the night, not knowing what to do. When I woke up from my 3 hours of sleep, I called his mom. Told her because she was aware of his past use, and I hoped she would have some insight or advice. Not so much. Because of the field I work in, I'm aware that you can have the courts order someone into substance abuse treatment. I decided I was going to file the paperwork. On my way to do so, something told me to go to his sister's house.

He was very defensive at first, like he was angry at me or something. Still saying "So I'm a loser and a crackhead, why don't you let it go?" I felt like this would be our last conversation. I told him about my thoughts about petitioning the courts, and somehow I said something about the possibility of him voluntarily going to a private treatment facility. COMPLETELY unexpectedly, he broke down sobbing, saying "I have a problem. You're the only one who knows I have a problem" and "I need help, I can't do it on my own." I have never seen that side of him, didn't expect him to even think about treatment, let alone to show me just how much he needed help. We arranged for him to check into a private, 6-week program and he was admitted the next day. During the hours leading up to him being admitted, I learned that he had been huffing nitrous almost every day, one after another to get high and escape. He had been depressed anyway, and his use just made him more and more depressed. He had spent about $500 in the past month just on the nitrous, and had also been drinking and continuing to use his Xanax. But the thing that hurt me the most was when he told me that he hadn't thought he would be able to stop, and that he figured if he @#$%& up enough I would leave and he wouldn't be hurting me anymore.

So now he is in the facility, and I am here. Alone to process all of the past, as well as all of the things I only recently learned. I'm overwhelmed. I've been talking to a couple of friends and my parents, but they don't have the ability to be objective because they know us. I'm going to a new therapist tomorrow too, but there is just so much to talk about.

He's gone for 6 weeks, and I promised him I will support him all the way through. And I will. But here's the big question: do I go through this time with the intention of continuing to try to work things out with him, or do I use this time to detach myself and get ready to leave? I am very ambivalent about it. I really, really love him and truly think he is the One. I know that everyone has their issues, and there is the possibility that our relationship could be stronger than ever after he comes to terms with his @#$%& in treatment. He is dually diagnosed, meaning he will be treated for both the substance abuse and depression/anxiety. There will be alot of therapy aimed at how things got to be this way and helping him figure out who he really is under the compulsions and drug use. Do I wait around to see what happens, or cut my losses?]]> goodgirl804 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 25 Nov 2008 19:48:13 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,106112,106112#msg-106112 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,106112,106112#msg-106112
OBSERVATION:
A chain smoker usually does not need more than 3 or 4 puffs out of a newly lit cig.
Anything beyond that is overdose and that overdose is precisely what makes you addicted to smoking.


FACT:
But the fact is that each time the smoker lights up a cig he/she smokes the whole cig.


WHY THE WHOLE CIG IS SMOKED AWAY IN ONE SESSION?
The question is why the whole cig is smoked away in one session whereas only 3/4 puffs are required at a time.

In my opinion there are three reasons that the whole cig is smoked away.

Reason #1)
The paper of the cig keeps burning the cig and you keep smoking. The paper, in addition to nicotine, is also an addiction. So you smoke the whole cig.

Reason #2)
You could throw away the cig after taking 3/4 puffs but you do not do that because you paid the money for it. So you smoke the whole cig.

Reason #3)
You could also save the cig after taking 3/4 puffs and use it again after a while but that looks dirty. So you smoke the whole cig.


So I am convinced that anything beyond 3/4 puffs of a cig at a time is overdose and that leads to addiction.

SOLUTION:

I came up a fantastic way of getting rid of the above three reasons and reduce the smoking to 3/4 puffs at a time and then 2/3 puffs at a time and then 1/2 puffs at a time and then 1 puff at a time and then finally 0 puffs at a time.

And that is it. You are done with smoking forever.

THE METHOD:
I came up with an interesting method accidentally. This is what I did. I bought a tobacco pipe and used it to smoke the tobacco of my cig one at a time out of my pack of cigs.

This is how I get rid of the above 3 reasons.

Reason #1)
There is no paper of the cig which keeps burning my cig and I keep smoking. I am using pipe for smoking.

Reason #2)
I am not throwing away my cig after taking 3/4 puffs.

Reason #3)
I am saving my cig after taking enough tobacco for 3/4 puffs and I am using it again after a while and there is nothing dirty about it.


Using the pipe, after a while, I only take 2/3 puffs and finally nothing.

I quit smoking 5-years ago with this method without any cold-turkey or any medication etc.

What a great way of quitting smoking gradually and slowly with no pain.

If you think you want to quit smoking without any cold-turkey or medicine then just go buy a pipe today and convert cigs into pipe. If you make up your mind this is one good way of quitting smoking.

I wish you a great luck quitting smoking.]]> mu4hm Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 13:48:21 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,105257,105257#msg-105257 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,105257,105257#msg-105257
Now I have to tell you I've dealt with alot of depression. I'm on 2 different ant-depressants and on my second marriage. I have a wonderful husband and really and truly am the happiest I've ever been.

Now back to the bottle of wine before I knew it the day was only about halfway over and I had drank the whole bottle of wine myself.

My husband was very sad and said he wished I would control how much I drink.

But it's like once I have 1 I just can't stop! I just like the way it makes me feel!

I don't want to make my husband to not like me. I love him soooooo much it is unreal.

But evertime I tell myself I'm not going to drink anymore he suggests we go buy a pizza and a six pack of beer. I don't get it! Why does he encourage me if he doesn't like when I can't stop at one.

If anyone can help me please help me deal with my problem! Thank you Linds]]> Lindsay Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 25 Nov 2008 19:46:32 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,104481,104481#msg-104481 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,104481,104481#msg-104481
My husband and his daughter went thru tremendous hell dealing with an alcoholic and emotional basketcase, who had a history of violence, drug abuse, arrests, child neglect and so on.

After losing custody of her daughter in 2000, she bounced around from state to state, living with friends and so on. Finally she ended up living with her mother in Colorado, in Sept 2005 she moved back to Orlando (where we live) and decided that she was going to "motherhood" another shot, only to break her daughters heart and move away again 3 months later.

Even after all this and the fact that he has sole legal custody, the courts still granted her visitation rights. She was gone a whole year and a half and still behind $11,000 in child support, before returning this January 2007 to give it another attempt.

My stepdaughter has always given her the benefit of the doubt and trust that her mom has changed and has come back to be in her life again.

She has been here 5 months and still has no license, no residency. She was kicked out of her father's house and currently is shacking up with a co-worker and her children.

My stepdaughter has been traumatized by her mother and it reflects in her social behavior. My husband and I are at a loss, we are trying to protect her from her mothers neglect. She is happy with us as a family, which is something she has always wanted. However, she fears telling her mom how she feels.

It wasn't that long ago that she wrote us a letter telling us that her mom was drinking in front of her and it made her uncomfortable. Only she was in fear of telling her mom how it made her feel, because of her possible reaction to it.

We've been to court and back and we just need some advice on what we should be doing. If it were up to me, her mother would be out of her life completely, if she is not willing to get help or even notice that she has a serious problem than she has no right in her daughter's life.

Any advice please?]]> amalinowski Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 15 Jun 2007 18:42:32 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,104346,104346#msg-104346 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,104346,104346#msg-104346 Harry Drug, Alcohol & NicotineWed, 22 Aug 2007 18:00:45 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,103532,103532#msg-103532 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,103532,103532#msg-103532 Jimmy Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:43:07 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,102781,102781#msg-102781 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,102781,102781#msg-102781 starting over Drug, Alcohol & NicotineTue, 09 Sep 2008 09:28:49 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,102615,102615#msg-102615 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,102615,102615#msg-102615
My brother in 26 and I'm 19. We both dealt with some very hard times growing up including an alcoholic bipolar mother and no fatherly figure. My brother has always had a problem with drugs and alcohol and moved out away when he was only 16. He didn't finish high school and never went to college. I finished school, i'm in college now and I moved out when I was 17. My brother is the most important person in my life - we've been through so much together that I feel like we always have to help each other - just like families do. Well he's at a point in his life where he has no place to live, no car, no job and my mom has given up on helping him because all he does with the money he is given is drink. I want to help him so bad but I'm trying to support myself right now working full time and going to school full time. I am not struggling at all but that is because I have to manage money and keep my priorities straight. I wouldn't mind him staying with me for a while but I know he won't get a job and if he did how would he get there? I want to give him money but I dont want him to buy alcohol. I want to help him so bad and it's killing me to think that something bad might happen to him if I don't. I don't want him to give up on life(suicide) or end up homeless. He's my brother and I want to help him, but I can't help someone who can't help themself. Does anyone have any ideas or know of anyplace that can help him? I don't want to see anything bad happen to him. My mother (we have never really gotten along) told me that she will not help him anymore because she's tried and only he can help himself...but if he has no place to live or any money to buy food or clothes - how is he supposed to get a job or even an interview for a job? I just don't know what to do...]]> Reese17324 Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 30 Mar 2007 20:23:42 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,101696,101696#msg-101696 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,101696,101696#msg-101696
I'm so happy to see you back! The SHM people (in the 1st time announcements forum) let us know that there was a big server crash or something and they lost all the entries since 12-15-06. Can you believe that?

I feel bad for all of us who poured our hearts into lots of messages, but also for the SHM people who must have been freaking out. someone probably put some long hours into fixing this place up again. I've had computer crashes in my time, and they've always been an expensive nightmare.

So that's probably why you can't find your message.

Thanks for the added info about your childhood and how AA saved your life. Your ability to attach is probably what saved you, too. attach to those fathers and to AA people, and now hopefully to us here.

And thanks for your kind comments about my writings here. I need to here good things tonight. My physical condition continues to decline. I am in tremendous pain. Up the creek without a paddle is a positive way of putting it. I come here for solace. Often, in giving to others, I sooth myself.

I've thought of you often (the face I imagine to be yours) but couldn't remember your name. Help me attach something to your name...does Dini mean something special for you?

BTW, I choose Joanne as my name here because of a very special woman who inspired and guided me in my younger years. Her name was Joanne. When I write here, I try to write with her energy, mixed with my own. It is very calming for me to carry this name here.]]> Joanne Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 29 Aug 2008 15:11:45 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100714,100714#msg-100714 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100714,100714#msg-100714
Also, what kind of impact would teenagers have, if they start to be indulged in alcohol or have an addiction to it.]]> meiting Drug, Alcohol & NicotineWed, 29 Nov 2006 09:26:46 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100679,100679#msg-100679 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100679,100679#msg-100679 Honeyaa Drug, Alcohol & NicotineWed, 29 Nov 2006 09:28:27 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100602,100602#msg-100602 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,100602,100602#msg-100602
My problem is that about three nights a week after I get home from work, I make myself martini's and or wine- I end up feeling like poo poo in the a.m. but still continue to drink like that- not small little drinks, they are big ones! And I hate myself the next day- but then do it again the following night!

I want to just stop it! But it is the only thing that feels good and takes the anxiety and pain away that I feel from my screwed up marriage. Any advice? I know someone will tell me to go to AA- and maybe that is where I should be- but besides AA- do you know of any advice or anything else? I don't drink during the day like some alcoholic do so I don't know if I am one- but I do feel this addiction and I hate it.]]> Mary Drug, Alcohol & NicotineWed, 07 Feb 2007 20:27:22 -0800 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,99830,99830#msg-99830 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,99830,99830#msg-99830
I did hear him clear his throat like there was mucus in it and I asked him if he was getting a cold. He told me no that he wasn't.

I hope he is not doing drugs and I don't know what to think. I don't know what signs to look for if any, and if maybe I am just overeacting. Can anyone shed some light on this?]]> Anonymous User Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 30 Mar 2007 21:32:13 -0700 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,98446,98446#msg-98446 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/phorum/read.php?20,98446,98446#msg-98446
He will admit to being depressed a lot, but I feel this disease is enabling to a lot of other things. His divorce almost completely destroyed him, but I always remind him he was boozing long before the divorce. One reason she lost respect for him. I know he feels he's lived in my shadow for his entrie life. Much of what I've done or do becomes his own life in some ways.

Bars or any place that serves, has become his home, epecially late in the day or evening. He's never been a doper, in fact he does not smoke, it's just pure dee beer and sometimes he'll drink wine. I not only love my family, but I have a deep abiding love for all those who have came into my life with any impact and I'm sure you relate. There seems little to do for this disease, other than the individual deciding for theirself another path of sobriety.]]> Gregg Drug, Alcohol & NicotineFri, 20 Oct 2006 15:56:56 -0700