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The First Step to Success: Awareness
In the SHM Community Forums, Dini responded to one member who considered herself a helpless liar. He said:
Dear Firewoman,
Welcome to this site! IMHO it takes enormous courage to step right up and state what's going on with you, and what your problems and difficulties are, with the honesty and candor with which you have done in your initial post. You have my admiration for that and I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for it!! 
My experience on this site is that it is full of some very wise, compassionate people who are willing to give of themselves to help each other; I know I've received a HUGE amount of support and help here. People respond to folks who are honest, as you are. This is "your" thread and a couple of suggestions based on experience to get more response and dialogue going for you? Poke your nose around in other forums and threads, and if you see something with which you've had experience, or have felt the same way, just say so. I know that for me, simply knowing someone else has "been there" is helpful; it reminds me I am not alone. In doing so, people get to know you better, and will find their way to your thread here, and contribute; it's a give and take sort of thing – if people see that you are willing to extend yourself to others, they will do the same for you. And please don't be put off by any "lag-time" in responses; they come, sometimes we just have to be patient.
OK, I hope you don't mind me calling you "Firewoman." I do so for two reasons; one, I am NOT going to refer to you as "Liar" for a whole bunch of reasons, and two, hey, firewomen help put OUT fires, right? I happen to be a guy, but there are plenty of "firewomen" around here.
This may sound strange to you but when I read your post, I see that you are in a great deal of pain, confusion and desperately seeking help to better relate to others – I also see a smart cookie who is capable of conning a few mental health professionals. But here's what I also see and what, IMHO, counts the most (not to in any way diminish your feelings, or pain or YOU):
1. Your "title:" "I Need To Come Clean and Get Help!!! Please Help!!!!"
2. "I am simply a 20 year old female who admits that she needs help."
3. "I NEED HELP AND ADMIT IT, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!"
4. "I don't want to be doing this in say 2 years time."
WOW Firewoman, do you have ANY idea how POWERFUL and positive each of those statements are? How many of us (myself included; among other things, I'm a sober alky) have been or still are in denial about our problems and are incapable of even acknowledging that we have a problem? Maybe most people? In simply acknowledging to yourself and to the rest of us here that you have a problem, you have taken one gigantic step toward the solution. That is powerful Firewoman, very, very powerful!! And very, very commendable!!
AND IT GETS BETTER: You ask for help numerous times. It takes a lot of emotional courage to ask for help if ya ask me, and it takes a certain very human and paradoxically strong humility to do so. (It sure took me a long time to learn how to do it and I STILL have problems with asking for help). You are practically SHOUTING "I NEED AND WANT HELP." To me, those are some of the most powerful words a human being can say, and it takes a courageous human being to say them.
IMHO Firewoman, while you describe your problem and your pain is clear and almost hurts to read, you also express powerfully positive emotions. The desire not "to still be doing this in say 2 years."
For all of that, gigantic thumbs up in my book Firewoman; you've already gone where many fear to tread.
I'm no expert, and certainly not a mental health professional (though I've spent plenty of time on the receiving end of their help, and still do). You mention conning various mental heatlh professionals (you know, in AA we have a saying, and I think it applies to a lot of addictions, which is what you describe your problem as being, that it's the smart ones for whom it is the most difficult). So a suggestion/thought? Are you seeing anybody now? A therapist, counselor? Are you willing to see one? I've found that even in my town, when I have been in financial straits or lacking insurance there is a place to go for little or for free. (As it is, the folks I see are currently seeing me "pro bono" bless their souls -and sometimes I have problems with receiving that gift, but that's another story which probably includes the phrase "false pride" in it somewhere).
If you are or will see a therapist, how about this? Simply tell them what you've said here. Express the fact that you are ashamed of this behavior, it's causing problems in your life you no longer want to have in your life, let them know you've conned a mental health professional or two before and perhaps tell them to watch out for that behavior on your part and call you on it? (I've done this with therapists; specifically asked to be called on certain behavior, or said "I want to talk about X" before I'm really ready to talk about it, just so that I can't weasle my way out of it later).
In other words; just be as honest with them as you have been here. What do you think of that as a start? You could even print out your post and bring it with you; perhaps that would help?
We can provide support, a place to express your feelings and a place to feel safe and welcome. There are good people here who will do that with kindness. But my suggestion would be to address the issue with someone in person, face to face, and be honest with them right up front. Then they can "catch" you if you start sliding into the addictive behavior. It doesn't help you to BS them, it only helps you if you can be as honest with them as you are able to be on any given day.
And I always dang near want to cry when I hear or see the word ashamed. We are all human. We all have our flaws. I've sure got mine. IMHO, as long as we are working on them, we have nothing to be ashamed of and I can honestly say that reading your post, I don't feel you have anything to be ashamed of; quite the opposite – you are being honest and courageous about yourself and you have the courage to say that four letter word that is so difficult to say sometimes – "help." That is not the act of a woman who should be ashamed; that's the act of a "firewoman."
Keep coming around Firewoman, and let us know what you think of any suggestion here, and just how you are feeling, and what's going on for you. And perhaps drop in elsewhere in these forums and let people get to know you.
You are a most welcome addition to community around here. Stick around. You'll be surprised how supportive it can be.
And meanwhile, big thumbs up for your honesty and courage!!
One Response to “The First Step to Success: Awareness”
My name is Madhukar Dhiman and i am a recovering alcoholic. I am 9 years sober.
It took me 15 years to realize that I have a problem with alcohol.But the day I became aware of this problem that was the turning point in my life. But we need to understand that awareness without admission is of no use. Even if we do become aware of our problem it takes a long time and a lot of courage for us to admit it. Sometimes it is too late.
When I say it was a turning point I say it because it made me sit up. I, me an alcoholic! oh my God! This can't be true.But thanks to some friends I found the courage to admitt it. I admitted it before them and myself that yes I am an alcoholic and I need help and that if I look around I will be able to find help.
The problem is that the whole society lookat an addict as if he is the devil himself. We are people who have lost a lot, who have been hurt and yes we have hurt others too especialy people who loved us and cared for us. Our fragmented lives are the proof of how much damage we have caused. We need to overcome the fear and have the courage to accept our past and see the future in a different light.