SelfhelpMagazine Blog

Straight Man attracted to Single Lesbian – What to do?

Posted on 12. May, 2008 by SHM Staff.

Dini responded to a straight man who was confused by what he should do about his feelings of attraction for a previously lesbian woman who seemingly was liking him back. Dini commented:

I REALLY admire your honesty and self-awareness. Man, so many people aren't even aware of what they are DOING, much less what their motivations or reasons or emotional feelings may be about it. You really know how to look at yourself in the mirror and I have a LOT of respect for that!

And it sounds like you know her well enough ("she's too much of a straight shooter and doesn't like playing games") to have a pretty good idea that she's not "rebounding" or playing games that have to do with her ex. Maybe the fact that she's a straight shooter is among the reasons her ex is her ex?

Your ability to distinguish between an emotional and a sexual attraction is admirable. Funny, I spent Friday evening at a benefit fandango with, among other people I had invited to the table I purchased, one of my best friends who happens to be lesbian. She and I also had an immediate and powerful connection when we first met, and it was (and is) completely non-sexual. Maybe the fact that it was non-sexual allowed or made it easier for other emotions to swirl their way in without being hung-up on sexual possibilities??? (Hehe….she's such a good friend and knows me so well that I promised her on Friday night that I would not make a certain major decision without first calling her and talking – she also knows that if I give my word I'll keep it so she'll get that call).

I LOVE your story about the woman who said "oh come on, it's not like I TALK to them"………LOL…..that's exactly what I was talking about with lesbian identifiying women who have played around with men.

So, speaking of talk. Have you talked to her about this? What it might mean or feel like for her, for you, your fear that you may lose a friend in the process, perhaps her assurance that that's not going to happen? Or whatever is the truth for each of you and what each of you are comfortable with?

Glad you are here! You add a lot. Stick around, there's a lot of interesting, wise, compassionate characters around here; at least that's been my experience and this is the first forum site I've felt comfortable and safe in. I'm kinda partial to the "instruction" that says "Be nice – or Leave." That's pretty much been the case in my experience. Doesn't mean someone won't give you some straight up honesty, but it does mean they'll do it in the spirit of "positively" calling you on your stuff or asking the hard questions that might help get at some healthy solutions.

Happy you've jumped aboard and please stick around. (Oh yeah, and some of these characters have a sense of humor, and I appreciate yours).

Take care.

Dini

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