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Sexual Orientation: Are You Straight or Gay?
In the SHM Community Forums, Dini responded to one member's concern of being confused about his sexual orientation. "Am I gay?", he asked. Dini answered:
Hi Jimbob and welcome,
Glad you are able to express yourself here. As a "straight" guy (whatever that means on what I believe is the very broad spectrum of human sexuality – it's just a label, like any other) I kind of have the same reaction as Joanne does. I think the real question is if you do feel you are gay, or you are gay, is that upsetting or uncomfortable for you and how would it make you feel about yourself. IMHO whether someone is gay, straight, bi, transgender or whatever is to me (and IMHO there's a lot of whatever in the sexuality of we humans, labels can be both confining and misleading and not express the fullness of the person, though they also serve the purpose of providing us with identification), pretty irrelevant. I think what is important is how you feel about it. I may be misreading Joanne but I think that's what she is fundamentally asking; OK, so if you engage in certain behavior with another guy is that "gay" behavior and does that make you "gay" (or bi or curious or whatever) – the answer to that question really comes down to – so what if you are? The important thing is how do YOU feel about yourself.
So, perhaps you could help us out here by letting us know what it would mean for you or how it might feel for you if you felt you are or might be gay or bi or straight and curious or exploring (how old are you?) or anything else that falls along the broad spectrum of human sexuality. Are you OK with expressing how you feel about those things? If you are, it would make it a lot easier for folks to respond to you and give you their feedback. There's plenty of folks who have more wisdom than I and might be better able to respond to you if you could express your feelings about it. Personally, Jimbob, I don't think that what "label" applies to yourself sexually or your sexual behavior is as important (in fact, as long as you're not harming anyone I don't think it's important at all) as how you feel about it.
Maybe I can give you a concrete example or analogy of what I'm talking about that might help you out. I was once in a group therapy group in which one member (who happened to be gay) was trying to decide whether or not he should continue to engage in a lot of anonymous sex. He was asking us for feedback (and I think, fearing that he would be judged). My response to him was that whether or not he engaged in anonymous sex in any amount was, in my opinion, irrelevant and had no "moral value" if you get what I mean. What was important, I thought, was how it made him feel, how HE felt about it. It was in his feelings that the answer to his question was to be found FOR HIM, in my humble opinion. Make sense?
Just my thoughts Jimbob, and my suggestion for you to be able to meaningfully explore this and receive meaningful responses if you want them. You gotta give folks something to go on – more than a sort of yes or no question to which there really isn't a yes or no answer (at least not one that's really helpful, IMHO).
Let us know what you think, huh? More importantly, if you can, let us know how you feel?