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Absent when Father Passed Away

Lily wrote the following in response to someone who feels badly about being absent for an alcoholic, absent Father when he passed away: I am so sad for you. Most of us live with regrets but it sounds like you are living with more than your fair share. Just remember that he made his death what it was – not you. If you were there a few minutes earlier it might have made you feel better, but...

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Co-dependency with Sister

Frank wrote: With my sister I would go out of my way to do things I thought she'd appreciate, only to have her be disappointed about something she never asked for and I never noticed. We both read a few short articles in this www.selfhelpmagazine.com about co-dependency and it helped us learn that we need to ask for what we want first and not assume anything. Now we agreed she will ask...

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Touch in Psychotherpay

Joanne wrote: Many people feel uncomfortable relating to a therapist who won't touch them. Sometimes in therapy, it just seems natural to hug the person you've just open your heart to, or sobbed with, or to whom you've revealed something frightening. To be met with a reserved and up-tight therapist could be the last thing one would expect. The SHM Staff asks YOU: How do YOU feel...

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Dealing with the Impulse to go Back to a Hurtful Relationship

Dini wrote the following in response to a woman who was fighting with herself to find a way to go back to a man who had been very hurtful to her in the past: –snip– … life doesn't offer any such guarantees – that's why being open and loving and having an open heart involves vulnerability and risk. "I just know I keep thinking about him, like some...

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Toxic People

Dini wrote: I've often found that people who are toxic and/or have caused me hurt or harm in some way often want to carry on as if their behavior,and my hurt, haven't happened. Sweep it under the rug. One, I don't let their negativity hold me back (at least not in the long run) – and I've been dealing with people/society's "negative opinions" or views of...

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The Courage to Keep Going

Dini wrote: I know what you mean. I have my ups and (some real) downs but all things considered, have always (eventually) gotten off the mat and answered the bell for the next round, whatever it may bring. In my humble opinion, that's when you see what kind of "spirit" someone has; not by how "wounded" they may be – @#$%&, we had no control over the stuff that...

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Bad Therapists

Joanne wrote: Luckily, bad mental health practitioners are NOT THE NORM. Most mental health practitioners are very caring, loving, gentle people who devote their lives to helping people with emotional problems. There are bad apples in every group. The sad thing is that bad therapists made a bad impression on the general public, and people are frightened to go see anyone because they've heard...

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Acting-out Aging Father

Lily wrote: I've given up on my Dad, much like I have with teenagers in my life. He insists on engaging in high-risk activities. I've actually stayed up nights worrying about him. No more. I"ve decided that if he dies doing his "sports" then so be it. He will have lived his life his way, and he won't listen to me anyway. There;s no sense in me trying to make things...

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Goals for Sobriety

Dini wrote: Bravo to you!Doing healthy things and "staying out of the line of fire" are good goals.Glad you're hanging in there!The SHM Staff asks YOU: How do you keep yourself sober?

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Dishonest Spouse

Dini wrote the following to a SHM Discussion Forum Subscriber who mentioned that she didn't trust her husband: Here's my humble opinion: Reading through this thread (and I don't mean to minimize this) but the "details" are not really the issue: he lies to you (again, about what specifically is not really the issue – what is the issue is you know he lies to you which...

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