professionals bring you the science of psychology, complete with a worldwide support community. C'mon in - and help yourself!
Old Girlfriend
In the SHM Forums, Dini answered a married man who wrote about how he suddenly remembers an ex-girlfriend and anxious to find her again. He said:
I appreciate your honesty and courage in bringing up your predicament and feelings about it. You ask whether or not you need psychiatrtic help and I am certainly and absolutely NOT qualified to say, but I can give you a suggestion for what it's worth, but maybe first I should say why I make the suggestion?
45 years ago is a long time ago and for all the very good reasons Gregg points out. Also as Gregg says, hey, we all wonder about what happend to ex's or crushes or the woman we used to work with or live down the street from and always wondered "what if." That's pretty natural and human if ya ask me.
It's the manner in which it's coming up for you that really strikes me (and again, I commend your honesty) – to have this suddenly come up for you in what seems like (and I hope you are not offended by my use of the word) an obsessive way, including going so far as to at least get a quote from a private detective or whatever is more than fantazising or wondering, it's acting on it.
So ya gotta ask yourself why going so far with this. You don't mention much about your own situation and how you feel about things in your own life. Maybe sitting down with a therapist and talking about it would be helpful to you? That would be my suggestion.
Another thought Joe; think of how this might feel from her end of things if you were to pursue it – she's suddenly tracked down by some private eye by someone from her very long ago past for reasons she has no clue about. That might feel pretty threatening to her; it might even feel like stalking to her.
It might be something she may feel the need to go to the police about, especially if her memory of you is not as clear as your memory of her. I think it would be pretty reasonable for someone in her position, were that to happen, to feel threatened and vulnerable. In all honesty, having been stalked, it is disconcerting and threatening and makes you feel pretty vulnerable. And if you really followed through on it could possibly subject you to some attention from folks from whom you'd rather not have attention.
Bottom line; glad you're here Joe, and I appreciate and commend your honesty – it's not something everyone has and I think it takes courage to be emotionally honest about things the way you have been.
Take care.