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How to Find a Good Psychotherapist – Part III
Lily said:
I think it is your duty to yourself to tell your therapist everything that is distressing for you, and the sooner the better. If it frightens her, then you’ll know that she isn’t the right therapist for you.
If she can’t handle it, then it is her job to refer you to another therapist and keep seeing you for the rest of your issues, or refer you out to someone who she thinks will handle your overall care more efficiently than she can. This can be a mutual decision and you most certainly can give your input. More specifically, if you really want to see her for some reason (like she comes highly recommended, or you know she has special skills in another area that you need) you could ask for her to continue being your regular therapist. In that case, the specialist and your established therapist could work together to help you.
You also bring up your fear of telling her about your childhood sexual abuse and the chaotic thinking you experience now, most therapists know how to handle child abuse that surfaces in adulthood. It is a very common things (like 1 out of every 3 girls gets molested) so it is one of the basic courses all therapists need to take in their training.
Besides, you can ask her before revealing the details of your circumstance if she has ever taken a course in childhood sexual molest or incest and how many people she has treated for it. You can even ask her what her treatment approach is for it, then look up those key words online and see if it feel right to you. If you are willing to give her enough details, you can ask her for details of the treatment plan she would propose for you and ask if she knows alternatives if any of her approaches makes you too frightened to participate. After all those questions, you will either trust that she knows what she’s doing, or know that she is clueless and you need to find someone who is more of an expert in what you need.
If your intentions are clear and honest, she is more likely to be able to help you than if you play secrecy and half-truth games. Your goal in therapy ought to be to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The sooner you can do that, the shorter your therapy will be, the less money you will spend, and the sooner you will feel better. But know that it most likely will get choppy before it gets smooth and easy. That’s just how it works in my experience.
SHM Staff asks YOU: What is your best tip for others trying to find a good psychotherapist?