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Abusive Boyfriend
In the SHM Community Forums, Dini responded to one member who had been physically abused by his boyfriend because of a past relationship. He wrote:
Hi Monica,
I am sorry you are in such pain. I believe Annette and Gregg are right about abusers, whether physical or emotional; it is about control (having the family's member's BF stand "guard" at the door?) and he will try to make it your fault every time, AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. PERIOD. And don't beat YOURSELF up for getting yourself in the situation; abusers can be incredibly charming and hide that side of themselves until the time comes. Then it is all you will see. And they are very good about hiding it from others as well.
I really, really, really want to echo what Annette has said; take care of yourself. He is NOT going to change without some SERIOUS and LONG TERM work on his part and you don't want to stick around being his punching bag until (IF, GREAT BIG IF) that ever is going to happen. Get out. Now. Take care of yourself.
As a guy, I can't tell you what I think of a guy who would do that; and the family member's BF who "set it up" and then participates (yes, he participated in your physical abuse even though he thinks he didn't because he may not have laid a hand on you but he is every bit as guilty) in abusing you and holding you hostage (what he did, by itself is a crime; aside from the abuse, it's called false imprisonment). He's an abuser too. If that "family member" is a member of YOUR family she needs to watch out and get out as well.
Take care Monica. Please take Annette's advice. She's pretty spot on with these things.
And one place to stick around? Here. We are here. We will listen. You will find decent, kind, compassionate and some fairly wise people around here; no abuse. You DO NOT DESERVE IT and never have, no matter what that guy and his "friend" who have the gall to call themselves "men" may say.
Remember that Monica; you did not cause it, and you do not deserve it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that you are in the situation (it's his problem, not yours, but for your own sake you do need to get yourself out of that situation. IMHO. As Annette says, NOW.
And when he comes back with the sorry baby's, as is Gregg so right about, don't buy it. Not one bit of it.
So get out of there Monica, and stick around here…… 