A FORK IN THE ROAD CALLED LIFE:
Decisions, Decisions!

Camille Pierce

How do we decide which path or avenue to take when looking for ways which may help us develop a more positive attitude about ourselves and life, in general? Unfortunately, I don't have the answers to this rather mind-boggling question. Perhaps, some of my thoughts on inner strength will help you. They've certainly been a source of inspiration to me. There's a lot of truth to the phrase by an Anonymous person: "Life is a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing."

In H. Fingarette's book, "The Self In Transformation," he states, "...there emerges, as in a montage, a new Self, a Self free of bondage to the old deeds of the old selves. For it is a Self which sees and therefore sees through the old illusions which passed for reality." A fascinating quote, indeed. Am I truly developing a more confident personality? Perhaps, many agree that life, in general, can be challenging. Yet, as a stronger sense of Self begins to emerge in each of us, we might ask ourselves if we are trully entitled to such personal happiness and emotional well being. Occasionally, I ask myself that question.

Recently, I received a very touching note from a person who read my SelfhelpMagazine.com Article, "Self Esteem: Why Am I?" Part of the letter said, "It all really hit home for me. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. It helped me realize that I'm not alone as much as I feel." After reading those thoughts, I learned that as each of us develops the courage to grow in body, mind and spirit, we may find ourselves exploring new, possibly uncharted territory. In her book, The Language Of Letting Go, Melody Beattie says, "...It's frustrating to be in the midst of learning. It is like sitting in algebra class, listening to a teacher explain a subject beyond our comprehension....Quietly, the gift of understanding has reached that deepest place in us....Life is a Gentle Teacher. She will keep repeating the lesson until we learn."

I never thought of life as being compared to a "Gentle Teacher." Often, my days are more like a challenging roller coaster ride which offers may highs, lows, twists and turns! Perhaps, these personal mood swings are only as active or inactive as I choose them to be. Rarely, did I enjoy required school math classes when growing up. Not because I couldn't comprehend the material but because I was just plain bored. I had no intention of deliberately offending anyone. True, my rather moody attitude wasn't too popular with some of my high school instructors. My grades were proof of my rather rebellious attitude. However, though I probably didn't know then, I was in the midst of learning an even more important subject a friend calls, "The School Of Life."

I strongly believe that sincere and constructive humor is a vitally important ingredient when pursuing a healthy lifestyle and an elevated transformational path. In the book, The Power of the Mind to Heal, Dr. Joan Borysenko makes an important statement, "In the late 1980's, I decided to break that medical silence...I was feeling frisky, so I asked the (medical) conference attendees whether they wanted my tame slides or my wild mind! They were tired. They'd seen a lot of slides and were ready for a break, so they opted for wild mind. We had a fascinating afternoon discussing near-death experiences, healing at a distance, and the few scientific studies that have been conducted on prayer. I was half expecting to dodge a volley of rotten tomatoes, if not a visit from the heresy police, but I was pleasantly suprised."

Indeed, Dr. Boresenko's action was "frisky." Too, it was a courageous move on her part to possibly help individuals see a more playful side in their often serious-minded personalities. To me, it's an excellent example of how a person can, if he or she chooses, transform from one level of human understanding and personal insight to a higher plateau. Daily, each of us are placed in often life challenging situations. Hopefully, if we receive negative feedback, it won't devastate us.

When I think of and/or question the possible emotional pressure, insecurity and personal difficulties I might face as my transformation(s) become significant, I'm reminded of a thought made by Mahatma Gandhi, "Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning." This message from "The Words of Gandhi" reminds me of the importance of life, in general. Too, there have been times when I haven't truly practiced an important message that I preached to a certain community. I have a tendency to downplay my abilities, intelligence and successes in life.

As I transform to a new level of self-realization, I sense that I'll continue to have a fear of personal rejection. However, I'm hopeful that some of my emotional insecurities will diminish in due time. The Tibetan Book of the Dead says, "You begin to feel thankful to have such confirmation that you are something after all, instead of the luminosity which is no man's land." I tend to feel that no matter how hard we persevere to overcome some of life's challenges, we'll probably visit "No Man's Land." Yet, maybe we have to take such a transformational detour once in a while in order to realize that we "are something after all...."

Other comments I received from a person who wrote to me are, "I never really won any major awards...My attitude needs so much work!"

To me, trophies, award winning ribbons, prizes and certificates are very nice. Yet, they're just a symbol or pleasant thank you for the human motivation or perserverance we've had the courage to emotionally and physically exercise. True, beside my computer, I have a gymnastics trophey I won back in 1961 when I was a spry and occasionally testy 12 year old! Also, I've framed my University Scholars Degree. Basically, there're just material items. What's important is loved ones and valued friendships. It's a sense of truly knowing that we aren't alone in this world as we journey along our individual paths of self transformation.

A poem by Maya Angelou called "Still I Rise" gives me hope that I can find emotional strength in occasionally adverse living conditions:

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise... Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise... Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise."

May each of you not be fearful but have the courage and perseverance to rise to an even higher level of personal transformation. Peace be with you all.

Camille Pierce is a Human Communication Advocate, Internet Researcher and occasionally writes for online websites and print newspapers. She's done graduate research work in human communication and humanistic psychology at Portland State University & audits classes at UC Santa Cruz when possible. In her 50 years, Cam's competed in many state/national sports, modern dance and vocal competitions. She has a seizure disorder and suggests that mind/body or Complementary/Alternative Medicine is important in many psychological and neurological health problems.