The executive was laid off three days before I met with her. She felt upset, confused, and excited. She worked hard within herself to frame this sudden and unexpected change in her life as an opportunity. Well intentioned friends gave her advice on what her new beginning should be: return to academia, stay in business, do something new, return to the city she came from, stay where she is, and on and on. She decided to take some time to create her own vision of her future.

Her decision to reframe her ending as an opening to a new world of possibility was a wise one. She would embrace and reflect on the emotions of loss, anger, and sorrow. Instead of being reactive, she choose to spend time intentionally wandering in the potential between the ending and whatever her new beginning will be. She would reflect on her core values, her purpose in life, and would ponder what her unique talents are. She would contemplate what activities make her feel most and least alive. There are no rules in wandering--it is the time and place for creativity.

This woman's plight and opportunity are reflected in the poem of pamphlet reader Michael Hines:

Life reaches out slowly,
And slaps my face.
Startled and shocked
I look up in confusion.

I thought I was doing it right,
I followed all the rules,
But the rules always change
And I am caught.

Wait a minute...
What if...instead of fear,
I laugh out loud
And realize the rules are mine all along.

Wandering is the time and place where this spiritual and creative woman can pause from the rush and take the risk to create her own rules and reality. Pushed from the mindlessness of comfort, conformity, and false security she may discover that the life she lived in her past is not the life that wants to live within her today. New potential and fresh possibilities will merge with her past, present, and imagined futures to bring forth new and exciting expressions of her unique gifts. Her bravery sustains her authenticity, and her authenticity arouses bold courage. She wanders with intention and resolve to find her spiritual truth.

She needs to know that wandering is difficult and often painful. No shortcuts will take her through this hard inner work. Simplistic, and quick-fix answers do not exist. She claims her freedom and moves innocently and courageously from a world of false certainty to a world of real uncertainty. She will take wrong turns, make mistakes, and encounter unexpected obstacles and adversaries. Her courage may fail her. Others will disappoint her. She will soon learn that everything takes longer than expected. These and other challenges are an important part of her wandering for they shed her of the false belief that she is in control and makes room for her true self to come forth. Her journey is everyone's journey.

Wandering is, at times, confusing, depressing, discouraging, disheartening, frightening, and anxiety filled. We realize what we have missed, the wasted time in our lives, the senselessness of an addicted and material life. We are often criticized by others who do not understand or are threatened by our actions. We rage at the insanity and cruelty that surrounds us.

Spiritual wandering is a solitary venture into the depths of our selves. We often feel alone and isolated. Doubts plague us. Are we crazy? We may abandon our faith. Anxiety is intense as we see possibilities. Temptation to give up and to return to the divided life of the past is great. We plead to our God: Why me? Why am I called? Why is this work so hard? Impatience is great, and we want what we want when we want it.

We embrace and accept the messages of our stirrings. We come to understand many things. Comfort is not the measure of a life well lived, and people are not entitled to feel good all the time. Being in solitude is not the same as being alone in a world where we are connected to all entities. We can never be alone when we are our own best friend and teacher. We cherish our solitude as we revere our relationships. Faith that unexpected outcomes are the right ones for us grows. We begin to trust the deeper processes of life.

Serendipitous meetings occur, and we must be mindful of the significance of them to our lives. Mentors appear at the moments they are needed and guide us along the way. Some become friends for life. Others serve us momentarily and leave us forever. All are important and to be thanked with gratitude. We meet fellow travelers who are doing their own spiritual seeking. They support and encourage us, and we do the same for them.

We learn and teach as we wander. We reflect on our lives and our experiences. We surface our feelings and those parts of ourselves we don't want to accept. We realize how we impact others, and how others affect us. We die many deaths when we wander. We pay attention to our reactions and gain greater awareness of our likes, dislikes, and gifts. We embrace all of who we are and become the person we have always been. We understand the process of becoming--of evolving our core essence consciously.

We push ourselves beyond our previous limits of understanding. Realizing that re-education comes before change, we give up much to learn. When the new becomes comfortable, we go to our next level of learning. We apply our new insights continuously, and we share our learning with others freely.

As our awareness grows, new possibilities emerge from within us. We explore them with great joy and excitement. We begin to listen to ourselves intently and hear, in a quiet voice, direction others, in their haste, do not hear. Our commitment to our new vision grows and our sense of purpose emerges. We will never be distracted from living our new vision of our truth. We have no choice. The only other option is to die--spiritually and then physically.

Tom Brown Jr. wrote in Grandfather:

Grandfather's quest, his search for the truth, led him far from his people and from a life that would be considered normal by any standards. He abandoned his people and lay down his life for his quest. For sixty-three years of his life he wandered and searched, many times living on the edge of life and death.

Nothing distracted him from that path, not even the hopelessness of his overall vision to try to save the earth by teaching the truth. Even when no one would listen, he would not give up, for there was always hope and he had to live his vision or not live at all.

The spiritual path is uncertain and even dangerous. The spirit becomes our guiding force and our only fear is of not living fully. We let go and fly in our quest for our own simple truths. Taking such a dedicated path fills us with aliveness, tests our survival skills, and challenges our faith and courage as never before. The knowledge of our own mortality keeps us focused on what is important to us. We are comforted by the knowledge that eternity is our beacon and our horizon expands continually. We never reach the outer limits of our growth.

My dear friend Tenneson Woolf wrote to me:

Life is for living. Go where you are called. Do so in love. Responsibility is merely doing what we are called to do. Growing our self awareness in our true purpose in life is what we are here to do.

Not all who wander are lost. The executive who lost her job will find herself enriched by her thoughtful wandering. She will discover her lost gifts of childhood.

08/21/00

	Tom Heuerman, Ph.D., now resides in Fargo, North Dakota. Other writing by Tom Heuerman: Transformational Change a discussion of mechanistic change, transformational change ( including self-organization), the acceleration of organizational change, and sustainable change.
Articles written by Tom Heuerman for SelfHelp Magazine include: Farewell My Friend , Learning to Live , The New Leaders. Many more of Tom's articles can be found in the Careers & Work section.