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Participants in my seminars often ask for help with stress management when they realize how much change, and its attendant stress, they have been experiencing. Change does cause stress, it’s true, but simply being alive causes stress. When people say “I’m so stressed!” as a means of telling others how important they are, they miss the mark. We all experience change, and we all experience many other forms of stress as well, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing at all.
A moderate amount of stress gets us up for the game of life. It produces alertness, high energy, improved memory, recall, perception, optimism, and problem analysis. Personally, I’ll take that over being a couch potato any day! It’s when too many stressful conditions exist at once that the red lights begin to flash, and we experience the symptoms associated with burnout.
We have physical and emotional symptoms, then, like anxiety, aches and pains, fatigue, depression, palpitations, frequent colds or flu. We behave ineffectively, lashing out in anger at family members and co-workers, and we make mistakes, lots of mistakes. Those symptoms alert us to the need to engage our coping mechanisms.
Herein lies the problem. Many people do not have adequate coping mechanisms, and so the stress is not alleviated, and the condition worsens. For example, if someone drinks excessively as a way to keep the stress symptoms out of awareness, then he or she adds guilt, hangovers, conflict, more health problems, and perhaps the disease of alcoholism to the original mix of symptoms. The end result of that is illness and perhaps even death.
Different personality types, of course, don’t choose the same kinds of ineffective coping mechanisms. The assertive, fast paced people turn on others, with hostility, abusiveness, resistance and agitation in their movements and speech. The slower paced, less assertive people engage in flight behaviors like avoidance, rationalization, stonewalling, and dwelling on the past. None of these behaviors takes anyone forward, nor do they resolve the causative situation. Indeed, the apparent differences among these varied personalities often add to the stress of the situation.
To head off this dismal scenario, it’s important to master a few basic stress management skills, and to use them. Some are probably familiar, some less so. First, prioritize, with special attention to your top priority for this very day, for it’s where you will make the most progress toward your goals and the most difference in the world. Be certain that some of your priorities foster your own growth; it’s a way to nurture yourself and to prepare to serve others.
Follow a relaxation strategy, cultivate a positive attitude, not in denial of real issues, but in confidence that the means to solution is within your range. Develop creativity and flexibility so that your problem-solving involves richer, longer-lasting solutions. Be responsible for yourself and your actions, but not for the actions of others. Similarly, limit guilt to those things you were capable of doing differently and better, and failed to do. Use the resources of your senses to help you celebrate and develop gratitude. Acknowledge the wonders of this world, and its beauty, hope, faith, truth, and love.
Several additional tools focus on your management of your relationships. Share some of your time with family and friends, listening at least as much as talking. Find or create a support group; people who care for you just because you are, and want to help you be more. Thank them profusely. Communicate using clear agreements rather than expectations, which are, after all, invisible to others. You’ll save yourself any number of conflicts, which most people find to be quite stressful.
Take some time to care for the larger community, volunteering or serving. This kind of activity is a reminder that we’re all in this together, and caring for the earth and each other is part of our lifework. Whose world is it, anyway?
I’ve often reflected on the comment a Somali friend made when we were picnicking in Yosemite, and incidentally picking up some trash that a careless person had left behind. He said, “I judge a culture by the way it takes care of two things – the helpless, and the public spaces”. By that measure, we all have a ways to go.
In your interactions with others, you can help them manage their stress levels as well. If you are a parent or a supervisor, make sure people have the needed training for anything you ask them to do, and that they receive ample feedback. Define roles clearly and make sure the work is challenging but not overwhelming. They should have some choice about the methods they use to get the task done. If they’re interacting frequently with others, they will need some “quiet time” breaks to stay real in their communications.
Master of these techniques for reducing your stress and that of others will lessen the chance of damaging behaviors. Additionally, such mastery will increase the probability that you will be able to live "on purpose", intentionally.
Adapted from: "nderstand how to use the stress in your life. In: L. A. Trapp, (2008). Intentional Living; Lessons from the Tree of Life, (pp.132-135). BookSurge.
References:
Dr. Linda Abbott Trapp writes from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. A former Dean at the California School of Professional Psychology, Certified Speaking Professional, and owner of the consulting firm Abbott & Associates, she’s an internationally known speaker who has authored seven books and more than 250 articles, columns, and reviews. Her recent books can be previewed at: www.abbottpub.com.
05/10/2008
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