In our mobile, somewhat troubled culture, it is becoming commonplace for grandparents to end up assuming the role of primary parent for their grandchildren. In some cases, tragedy strikes and the grandparent loses his/her own child to an accident, leaving the grandchildren homeless. More often, however, the child becomes unwilling/unable to parent and the grandparent steps in and takes over.

The challenges of parenting one's grandchildren are many and include spiritual ones. Certainly the most pronounced spiritual challenge is the question "Why?" Most grandparents look forward to a relationship where they are free to shower affection without worrying about discipline. As my mother used to say "Parenting is a duty. Grandparenting is a luxury." Some will struggle trying to understand why they have been deprived of that luxury. And so they may turn in anger to God.

Others may find that a certain direction they thought their lives were taking has suddenly become disrupted. Many of us look forward to a time when our children are raised and on their way, looking forward to new directions and goals. Perhaps a return to school. Perhaps some creative enterprises. Activities that may enhance a sense of meaning. All those hopes may get set aside when persons are faced with taking on yet again the task of parenting children.

Finally, there is a sense of loss. The grandparent must struggle with the loss of their own children, either literally to an accident, or figuratively to emotional problems that take away the child's ability to parent. Further, the grandparent has lost the role of grandparent, a loss of great significance.

In essence, some grandparents may find themselves taking a deep breath as they take on their grandchildren, beginning an unexpected second tour of duty as a parent and may find themselves crying out "How long, oh Lord?"

Clearly grandparents in such circumstances need to reach out -- to therapists, to spiritual leaders, to schools. There is a need to talk about the struggles. There is a need to vent anger. And, especially as this unique population grows, there is a need to find and connect with others in similar straits.

09/13/00