Relaxing Yourself

One of the main keys to transforming relationships is to learn how to be more attentive to your close intimate. If you are in a fast, quick-paced lifestyle, you need to learn how to slow down and provide full attention to your partner. Many times people who are close to you may get angry with you, not so much at what you say but how you act.

Many arguments can start because your partner may think you are inattentive. Many times you can be already formulating your verbal responses to your partner, before he or she is finished stating what is wanted from you.

You need to learn to achieve gentle attentiveness, and openness before your relationship can transform. One major way to prepare yourself to receive your close intimate is to slow down your mind-body. The best way of achieving quick results is by using relaxation techniques. It's been scientifically proven to be a major technique for quickly slowing down the nervous system. This can decrease your stress as well as rapidly change the quality of your relationships. It would be helpful to audiotape the following exercises. They are ways to practically relax and prepare to receive your partner.

Here are the steps:

1. Focus on breathing through your nose. Allow the air of the in-breath and out-breath to flow through your nostrils. Feel the subtle sensations beneath the nose as you breathe. Let your mind rest on this one point.

2. If you find yourself being distracted, blow a little harder through your nose and, once again, focus on the inhale and exhale of your breath and your nostrils.

3. Focus your attention to the top of your head. Feel the sensations on top of your head; experience them without judgment, maintaining an observing position. Gradually, move your attention to your forehead and the back of your head. Just observe the sensations.

4. Slowly move your attention to your cheeks, nose, and mouth. Bring your attention to your neck. Experience the sensations around your neck.

5. Focus now on your upper back and chest. Experience the sensations in these areas of your body. Move your attention to your heart area, in the middle of your back, and chest.

6. Slowly bring your attention to your stomach and lower back. Experience the sensations emerging there. Move your attention to your rear and genital area.

7. Bring your attention through the upper parts of your legs, slowly; keep focusing on your breathing while you are doing this exercise. Move your attention down through your legs and, eventually to your feet.

8. Slowly bring your attention upward from the bottom of your feet.

After you have achieved moving your attention from your head down to your feet, the next step is to sweep your attention upward from the bottom of your feet back to the top of your head, as follows:

1. Slowly begin to bring your attention upward from the bottom of your feet and up through your ankles.

2. Move your attention up through your legs, genitals, pelvis, lower back, and stomach.

3. Continue to focus, slowly bringing your attention up to the middle of your body through your chest and back. Continue to focus on the inhale and exhale of your breath.

4. As you are breathing deeply through your neck, focus on your mouth, nose, and cheeks.

5. Move your attention slowly up through your forehead and back to the top of your head.

Sweep your attention up and down through your body. As you continue to focus on your in-breath and out-breath of your nostrils, and as you sweep your inner body, listen to the following words:

Breath is what nurtures the body. When you're tight, you're only partly nurtured so the rest of you is hungry. The more tight you get, the more you feel others should feed you. Therefore, allow your body to be relaxed while breathing. You may become aware of how you react physically to your partner. Experience how your body feels. This is a major step for you to learn how to control yourself.

After listening to this exercise, continue to focus on your breathing and engage in one last step:

Get a mental picture of your partner. Experience yourself, while your eyes are closed, looking at him/her with full attention, openness, and receptivity. Allow yourself to be able to receive your partner in this relaxed state of mind.

This exercise is very powerful. It should be practiced, at least once a day, preferably in the morning. Doing this more than once a day, in the morning, afternoon, and evening, will create benefits more rapidly. You will find yourself not only relaxed in your work place, but you will see yourself being able to become more receptive and open to your partner. If you find yourself getting too reactive, you can always come back to your breath with your full attention focused on your partner. When you are working with achieving this receptiveness with your intimate, always remember to make eye contact.

In our next column of transforming relationships, I will talk more about how to consciously utilize eye contact to further transform your relationship journey.

5/28/98