Increased anonymity and decreased privacy have been identified as the two most important liabilities of the Internet. In the article "Sex and the Net: Clinical Implications," psychologist Dr. Sandra Risa Leiblum writes, "it is conceivable that as 'netsex' dating and mating become more popular, disappointed 'consumers' will consult clinicians wondering if they have made rash or impulsive life-altering decisions based on illusory promises or fantasies." Indeed, an increasing number of people are speaking to their psychotherapists about the harm they have experienced in a variety of online exchanges.

Anonymity unleashes many hidden emotions and can lead to unexpected complications. Part of this unleashing is due to the Internet's sense of a parallel world. Being new to the power of such sophisticated technology, many Netizens are unaware of the power of such an illusionary place, and in the heat of a sexual invitation, allow themselves to become sexual, thinking they are private and safe.

People seeking virtual romance are often concerned with detecting deception. In an environment designed to protect anonymity, this task can be quite challenging, even to the most ingenious. To get perspective on how to protect your safety online, we will mention a few specific traps, despite their infrequent occurrence.

Deception

People have been known to be deceitful about many things on the Internet. One of the most often lied about topics is age. People can go both ways on this issue, either claiming to be younger or older. Another frequent topic of deception is weight. People generally stray from the truth and minimize their weight. Lying about these two topics seems to be predictable, given that many societies place a high value on looking relatively young (but not childish) and thin.

Because of the anonymity of the Internet, some people may intentionally be misleading. You may not be able to adequately know the intentions of the person you profess to love. They may take weeks or months to finally tell you their secret desire, dropping subtle hints.

*Much gratitude is extended to those who helped clarify, amplify, and edit the material used in this article, Rona Subotnik, MA; Les Posen, Ph.D.; Manny Tau, Ph.D.; Martha Bank, Ph.D.; Rosalie Ackerman, Ph.D.; Thomas Williams, Ph.D.; and Cleo Kiernan.

12/01/01

Dr. Maheu is an author, speaker, and researcher. She is the lead author of E-Health, Telehealth & Telemedicine: A Guide to Program Startup and Success co-written with Pamela Whitten and Ace Allen, published by Jossey-Bass: San Francisco. Infidelity on the Internet is Dr. Maheu's second book and she's currently working her third, tentatively titled "The Mental Health Professional Online: New Questions and Answers." For more information about her speaking schedule, see this page: http://telehealth.net/speak.html