Frustration and irritability occupied Jammed's time. No one seemed to care. She felt out of control: her marriage seemed dead; her future seemed empty; everything was hard. She felt something inside, trying to get out of her. At times she just wanted to scream. At times she felt like crying but could not find the energy. Then Jammed's saw an advertisement to attend a free rebirthing workshop. It seemed to make sense. She had experienced an unhappy childhood. Had she been abused, or had she experienced a traumatic birth? She felt determined to get to the bottom of it.

Millions of people every year subscribe to popular therapies such as rebirthing, but are they really dealing with the difficult issues? Is anything really resolved by searching the past for answers to current problems? The research summarized here concludes that our real problems are "social," in the "here and now." The issues are more to do with the rebound from how we affect others, not so much from how others have affected us. In other words, it is our habitual way of going about life that can put us at odds with everyone else. Just being ourselves can be our main problem.

One of the central issues might be dependence on others for our personal validation. This becomes a problem when we turn our natural desire for closeness into dependence.

One of the main rebounds for feeling "left out" is an experience of disempowerment. We feel invalidated and unwanted. One of the most common reactions is to hit back, but not in obvious ways. Usually it is subtle, underhanded, passive aggression. For example, a friend may not have invited us to a dinner party, so we feel rejected. The response is, "well I'll fix him/her." So next time we meet another mutual friend, we put down the other person. We try to get closer to the third person by getting him/her to agree with us on how bad the first person is. Even though this type of behavior is an attempt to damn the person who hurt us, and to win another ally, ultimately it serves to undermine our position. Mainly because by doing so, we present ourselves as negative. Who wants to be close to someone so negative?

Another hard issue is the conflict between the desire for the excitement of spontaneity, on one hand, whilst not being prepared to take responsibility for the unplanned consequences on the other hand. In an unplanned life, things will go wrong. It might be a thrill to be noncommittal to an old friend, if a new friend is perhaps in the wings with more exciting prospects. If we make a habit of being unreliable, we will soon have a collection of ex-friends. The new friends may not last. Isolation could be the unplanned consequence.

A perfectly planned life might be quite boring. On the other hand, we want the reassurance of stability in our lives. Some people find themselves flipping and flopping from stability to upheaval throughout their lives. We crave the stable relationship. When we get it, the stability can stagnate into boredom. The desire for excitement can become too much. The danger is to sacrifice the stability for excitement. The instability of an exciting life leaves us stressed, lonely, and again craving for stability and certainty. There has to be a balance.

When we are too dependent upon others and hit back at them when they hurt us, we diminish our sense of well being. When we blame others for our isolation, we increase our feeling of alienation. When we refuse to responsibly balance excitement and stability, we feel out of control and create stress in our lives. We become irritable, unhappy and perplexed. Some of us then wonder what we can do about it.

Some therapies tend to over simplify these issues by confirming our suspicions that someone else is to blame. Arguably, people find the popular therapies attractive because of what the promotional material offers. In the popular domain the assumption is that our current problems have something to do with unresolved issues from the past, things that happened to us in childhood that we have since forgotten or repressed. A critical view of the research data, on the other hand, tells us that the real issues are "social" in the "here and now."

There is a great need for research of this kind. Sadly researchers avoid it because they are usually people who wish to pursue professional careers as registered therapists or clinicians. So they avoid the popular therapies, perhaps in fear of being labeled "soft headed." Nevertheless, the research presented here looks behind the scenes, and beyond the uncritically positive results. The problems described here are the issues for people who chose rebirthing and perhaps the full range of popular therapies. The results show that the same issues were still there six months after the treatment. Was anything really resolved?

References:

Lloyd, B. F., & Gannon, P. M. (1997a) Personality change from experiential techniques: relaxation versus catharsis. Southern Cross University, School of Education. In Press.

Lloyd, B. F., & Gannon, P. M. (1997b). Personality as the predictor of treatment experience: a combined focus on relaxation and catharsis. Southern Cross University, School of Education. In Press.

5/28/98