Internet Support Groups - Staying Safe and Happy Online

by M. E. Peychers, M.A.

Joining a support group is a wonderfully optimistic thing to do, isn't it? You have a problem you really don't know how to solve, so you join a group. Kind and supportive people, who have already been down that path, are holding up a lamp to guide your footsteps. We go looking for angels, and often we find them.

However, the Internet is not always a safe place. Even the best of support groups can present us with headaches we never anticipated. Groups may be targeted by spammers, paid to sell us on the latest wonder cure they've never even tried. Then there are the hoaxers who spread worrying rumors, for example about product safety. Or the sad souls who write detailed accounts of illnesses they don't have, or of incredibly traumatic dramas that also never happened (Feldman, 2000; Feldman, 2004).

Another nuisance category are the people who work their way through a support group looking for sexual partners, whether with the intention of arranging liaisons in real life, or keeping it online (but out of sight of other members) through cyber-sex (Maheu & Subotnik, 2001).

There are also stalkers (Jaishankar & Sankary, 2005). Sometimes people who cannot get on with anyone in real life go online and fasten onto strangers, who may be hounded for years. To have your inbox flooded with obscene or threatening private messages can be deeply upsetting. It's far worse when you don't know whether the sender lives on the other side of the world, or on the other side of your street.

Keeping yourself safe on the Internet basically comes down to one key thing:

PROTECT YOUR PRIVACY!

Consider these facts:

Most messages sent to public boards, newsgroups and mailing lists can be read years later by anyone doing a search on your name. Think long and hard before using your real name in any support group. So many people post under amusing names, who could object if you did the same?

Unless you belong to a small, local group, consider restricting contact details to trusted people only, and then sharing it by private message.

You might intend to limit information provided, but it can mount up surprisingly easily.

Messages sent through an email list group sometimes reveal the name of your town through your ISP (internet service provider). If you've ever posted to the board from your work computer, the message may have gone out tailed with the name of your firm and your work title. Best to bear that in mind if you're ever tempted to add a rude comment about your boss when posting about what a tough day you've just had.

If you decide to post your photo on the group site, or send it to people you don't know very well, avoid anything glamorous or sexy. Instead select a photo that is fairly 'neutral'. Never get drawn into arguing online with aggressive or vengeful people. Even if they get banned from the group, they might be unwilling to let go of you.

Most of the people you will meet through support groups are going to be honest and decent. If you take care to protect yourself against the tiny minority of trouble-makers, you can afford to relax and treat everyone else as potential friends.

References:
 
Feldman, M.D., (2000): Munchausen by Internet: detecting factitious illness and crisis on the Internet. Southern Journal of Medicine, 93, 669-672
 
Feldman, M.D., (2004): Playing Sick?: Untangling the web of Munchausen syndrome, Munchausen by proxy, malingering, and factitious disorder. New York, Brunner-Routledge
 
Jaishankar, K., Sankary, V.U., (2005) Cyber Stalking: A Global Menace in the Information Super Highway. The Online Quarterly Review of Crime, Ethics and Social Philosophy (ERCES) Vol 2, Issue 3
 
Maheu, M.M., Subotnik, R.B., (2001): Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal. Naperville, Sourcebooks, Inc.

10/20/2006