MISSING OUT ON EARLY ATTACHMENTS:
THE LONG-TERM EFFECTS, PART 1
by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW
Attachment is one of those issues that everyone talks about but few
understand. Most of us have seen movies of the week that depict
troubled teens and adults who experienced severe abuse or total
abandonment as children, or read about serial killers who have
horrible life stories. Those cases are the extremes, and no doubt
related to early victimization. Subtler cases that create problems
just as damaging are more common. Well-meaning parents may use
outdated methods of child rearing that inadvertently lead to problems
for their children in later life. This is often the case in children who
have insecure or distorted attachments, rather than those completely
absent of attachments.
Larry Brentro, Martin Brokenleg and Steve Van Brockern discuss four
critical stages in the life cycle that must be successfully completed
for a balanced, well-adjusted life. The stages are based on Native
American beliefs and practices. The authors clearly demonstrated the
relationship between attachment issues and the resolution of each
stage in their book, Reclaiming Youth At Risk. I have highlighted some of
that information in this article to give you a better understanding of the
long term effects of attachment problems.
An interesting thing about their material is that it differentiates between
an insecure attachment -- which may lead to behaviors identified as
"distorted" -- and completely unattached, which may lead to the behaviors
described as "absent." Please note that not everyone who exhibits some of
these behaviors has an attachment disorder. These indicators must be looked
at in relation to many other factors. A person would exhibit most or all them if he or she has
attachment issues. These are submitted as guidelines that may indicate
further investigation is needed into the individual's relationships with
primary caregivers, parenting styles and the ability to connect to others.
Stage One: Attachment/Belonging
People with strong attachments often display the following characteristics
and are well-adjusted:
- Friendship
- Cooperation
- Intimacy
- Respect
- Trust
- Love
People with distorted attachments often display the following characteristics
and are still trying:
- Attention-seeking
- Crave affection
- Promiscuity
- Clinging
- Cult-vulnerability
- Gang-involvement
- Crave approval
People with absent attachments often display the following characteristics
and have given up:
- Alienation
- Withdrawn
- Isolated
- Rejected
- Lonely
- Lacks affect
- Suspicious
Everyone needs to belong to a group that accepts them unconditionally,
whether that is family, peers, school, work or otherwise. Young people
who do not find these groups within their environment are susceptible
to cults, gangs and other negative influences that offer a sense of
acceptance and belonging. Even children who do not get their nurturance
and attachment needs met by a parent may get those needs met by others.
While some argue that the biological parent must provide that attachment,
others believe that need can be met in other ways. Teachers, extended
family members, members of the clergy and other significant adults
who believe in and pay attention to a child may form an attachment that
can help children learn to trust and care about others, thus moving them
through that stage.
Some groups that provide this sense of community and acceptance for adults
are churches, support groups, clubs, civic groups, community groups, ethnic
and cultural groups. Shared interests in scouts, art, music, reading or
others may also provide a place for people to come together and get their
belonging needs met.
Continued in Part 2
5/30/98
LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW
Author of Growing up Sane (in uncertain times)
Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids
Editor-in-Cheif Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families
Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center
Affinity Books & Resource Center: Your Source for Emotional Wellness
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