Self-help Articles

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

I can't be sure exactly what your therapist has in mind and I don't know what health issues you might be struggling with; however, I do know that learning to love oneself is a major spiritual challenge.

One of the aspects of self-love which we need to consider is the manner in which we relate to our bodies and our health. First, some clarification. Many persons, when they hear the notion of love of self, confuse this with selfishness or self-centeredness.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Think of love of self as a state of balance. Thus, you love yourself when you are aware of strengths and character defects in equal measure. To exaggerate either awareness at the expense of the other is to become self-centered.

With that in mind, then, ask yourself the following questions to see if you love yourself:

1. How often do I subject myself to needless stress by, for example, putting things off until I must work against a very short deadline?
2. How much do I subject my body to other forms of excess, e.g., food, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sex?
3. How often do I really taste what I am eating? Am I more likely to "stuff and gulp"?
4. Do I rely too heavily on medication at the first sign of sniffles or, on the other hand, do I fail to take medication I really need to properly address a health problem?
5. What kind of exercise program do I follow? Is it excessive in any way? What do I do when my exercise program causes me to suffer an injury? Do I slow down or force myself to "push through the pain"?
6. What techniques of relaxation do I practice on a regular basis to offset some of the negative effects of stress?
7. How often do I indulge myself in resentments?

Your answers to these questions will give you some clues as to how much your relationship with your body is driven by excess or compulsion and how much it is guided by a loving attention to health.

If you need to make some changes in this area, start slowly with some small changes. Add five minutes to the amount of time you spend over dinner. Make a list of your favorite relaxing musical pieces.

Make a gratitude list. Take your medication as scheduled for one week. Think in terms of small manageable goals, something with a high likelihood of success.

Too many of us start off with a massive reworking program, e.g., "I'm going to get up tomorrow, run four miles, take a walk at lunchtime, call my doctor to schedule a thorough physical, make a list of everything I've been putting off and everyone I've been resenting, etc. etc."

Too often, our intentions all are dropped the first day because we've overwhelmed ourselves. In the words of the great psychiatrist Dr. Leo Marvin, start off with some baby steps! When you love yourself, you feel inner peace.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.