by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.
I don't know what to do. It's not like I make up girlfriends or anything like that, and I go out to gay events and parties. Besides, I love my job. I don't like the workplace discrimination but other companies in the same business are not any better. What should I do?
I hope I can help, but I'm not going to tell you what to do, and neither should anyone else, including your boyfriend. I wish it was easy for everyone who is different to be open about their differences, but that's not the way the world works. There are occupations where job security and coming out of the closet are incompatible, and it sounds like that's your situation.
It concerns me that you don't say what you want. You are the only person who can know for sure if the benefits you get from the work you love are worth the price of being closeted at work.
I suggest you consider the benefits and costs of staying closeted, and the benefits and costs of being open--there's good news and bad news about both options. Also, you may decide not to be open at work for now and review your decision in the future--the choice is always there.
Does your profession have an association for gay and lesbian members? You might want to look for people experiencing workplace discrimination to ask them how they handle this question. The Queer Resource Directory is a good place to look for lists of organizations, and you can reach it through our link.
About the Author:
Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.
Revised 11/27/08 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
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