SelfhelpMagazine

by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW

Personally, I think it is possible to love two people at the same time. It is not good for you if one of those people doesn't love you back, and it is even more complex if you are dating and falling more in love with a new guy. The fact that you are 16 makes this an all-too common situation.

I don't have enough information to answer you fully, but from what I see in the information you provided, you have a couple of choices . . . you can prepare yourself emotionally and mentally to let go of your feelings for the one for whom you feel unrequited love.

Resolving Unrequited Love
This may be easier said than done, but you begin by simply admitting to yourself that you are not going to be involved with this person and allow yourself to grieve over that loss. You may feel sad, even depressed for a while. If you need to cry, write about your feelings in a diary and let yourself feel your pain and experience the loss.

Or, you may choose to pursue your interest in this other guy to make sure it is indeed unrequited. Have you made your intentions fully known? Do you think you've left somethign unsaid and a still need to express more?

If so, you probably need to be honest with your boyfriend about your other interest and allow him to decide if he wants to be involved with someone who has strong feelings, and possibly a relationship with another person.

Chances are that your boyfriend feels the presence of this other guy, anyway. He may be relieved to know what is going on, but nonetheless forced to deal with the issue of the other guy. If he is okay with sharing your affection with another, perhaps you can try dating both of them.

If not, you will have to make a decision about who you would prefer to be involved with at this time. If the relationship with the other guy is indeed not possible, you risk losing your boyfriend and still clinging to feelings for a guy who you can't be with.

Sounds like you need to do some soul searching to determine how important your current boyfriend is to you and if you are willing to risk that for something that may not work out.

I would be remiss not to remind you that being sexually involved with multiple partners can be a deadly decision with the increase in HIV and Aids among teens and young adults. Whatever your decision, be smart and safe about your choices when it comes to sexual involvement.

The preference would be to abstain until you are in a committed relationship or at least a consenting adult. However, if you choose to be sexually active ALWAYS practice safer sex and get tested every six months. Ideally your partner(s) should be tested, too.

Best of luck!

About the Author:

LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW is the author of Growing up Sane (in uncertain times), Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids, Editor-in-Chief Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families and Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center.