Self-help Articles

by John Suler, Ph.D.

Here is the final showdown. Which is better: in-person relationships (IPR) or cyberspace relationships (CSR)? It's a loaded question since "better" is an ambiguous term. Better for what?

Let's looks at these two types of relationships. There are distinct advantages to the time-stretching, distance-shortening, and potentially fantasy-driven dimensions of CSR.

On the other hand, IPR have the advantage of touch, smell, taste, the complex integration of all the five senses, and a more robust potential to "do things with" other people. So is the showdown a draw?

People can and will continue to argue for their side of the debate. As for me, the acid test is a very simple one.

As much as I respect and enjoy cyberspace relationships, I would be very unhappy if I could ONLY relate to my family and closest friends via the Internet, even if sophisticated visual/auditory technology made it seem like actually being there with them.

Cyberspace relating is a wonderful supplement to IPR, but in the long run it's not ultimately fulfilling as a substitute, especially when it comes to our most intimate relationships.

Closest Types of Relationships

Most people who develop close friendships and romances in cyberspace eventually want and need to meet their friend or lover in-person. And once they've done that, returning to cyberspace-relating often feels at least a tiny bit flat and incomplete.

In an ideal world, we could have it both ways. We could develop our relationships in-person and in cyberspace, thereby taking advantage of each realm. But we don't always have the luxury of ideal circumstances.

There will be some people who we can only or mostly meet in-person, and others only or mostly via the Internet. In the not too distant future, most people will have three types of social lives that will be distinct but overlapping.

We'll have friends, colleagues, and lovers whom we know only in-person, those whom we know only via the Internet, and those whom we know both in-person and online.

Variety is the spice of life. What types of relationships work best for you?

About the Author:

John Suler, Ph.D. is Professor of Psychology at Rider University and a practicing clinical psychologist. He has published on psychotherapy, mental imagery, and eastern philosophy. He currently maintains several web sites.