Trauma of Forced Happiness

by Richard Raubolt, Ph.D.

A dear family friend, Jenny, called a few weeks ago. She was distraught, crying, and discouraged. Jenny has been living with chronic pain for the past five years due to a botched medical procedure that caused nerve damage in her lower back. Jenny is a courageous, optimistic woman who has been worn down from being shuffled from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist and medication to medication with little relief. Still she has pressed on in her pursuit of recovery trying neurofeedback, yoga, acupuncture, massage and meditation. Again she has experienced only temporary relief.

In her desire to leave no stone unturned she also invested in psychotherapy. It was at this point I received her disturbing call. Her therapist, and I use that designation with some hesitation, told Jenny she was "preventing" her healing due to her attitude. Now I must admit this reminded me of the pseudo-science of the 1970's that purportedly identified a "cancer personality". The esteem this "diagnosis" enjoyed ended suddenly when, among other efforts, Susan Sontag brilliantly and forcefully exposed this science as a simple minded attempt to blame victims for their own disease when medicine was out of other answers.

Here some thirty five years later I am hearing of a similar brand of blaming being expressed by a mental health professional. As I helped calm Jenny I found out she was also instructed to read Happiness Now by Robert Holden. As it so happened I had just seen an interview with Mr. Holden about his Happiness Project. This was a remarkable interview.

I was surprised to learn we all have a happy spot in us and we just need to access it. Since this happiness exists inside us if a person in unhappy he or she is a martyr. From a happiness guru this demeaning judgment seemed out of place. But I was even more astounded to hear the physical world doesn't really exist when it comes to happiness. What does exist is only the internal world we create and project outside ourselves.

Amazing. I don't think the Palestinians or the Israelis know this bit of magic. Perhaps they should and then the world would be so much less messy or complicated. I don't think the unemployed auto worker struggling to to keep his health insurance realizes he just needs to imagine his own happiness which will mysteriously attract other happy people and all will be well in the land of Oz. And Jenny, poor Jenny, did not have just chronic pain, according the happiness expert, she also suffered from a "distinction addiction" because she had plans, goals and ambitions which if she didn't meet she felt disappointed despite her limitations. Wow.

What evidence is there for such trivialization of the human experience? Real science says not much. In fact, a recently completed study of 118,519 people from 96 countries found that a moderate level of happiness is good but further increases can actually be detrimental. Too much happiness is potentially a problem? Yes, because it interferes with income level, career success, education and political participation.

One of the study's authors, Dr. Eric Diener, writes: " If you are totally satisfied with your life and with how things are going in the world ( I assume here he is writing about real, physical world) you won't feel motivated to work for change. Be wary when people tell you you should be happier." It would seem "distinction addiction" is necessary if we are to create a more just and humane world.

As for Jenny I suggested she consult with another therapist, one who did not possess a misguided urgency to blame others for a personal lack of knowledge and skill. I suggested she find someone who was not afraid of life's uncertainties and could offer her understanding, compassion and respect.