Self-help Articles

by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW

This is an age-old dilemma. If I could answer this completely, I would be rich and famous! Here are some things for you to consider while thinking about your specific situation.

How to Live a Teen Crush
One thing that may work for you is to determine if you share any interests with the man of your dreams. You may want to ask him what his hobbies are, or ask someone who knows him well.

If you share a common interest you may have something to talk about that leads into spending more time together. This is a good way to get to know someone better and explore other possibilities for the relationship.

For instance, if you are both sports enthusiasts you may get together to watch a game, or attend an event together. If you are both working on your respective MySpace or Facebook pages, you might get together to work on them. If his interest is in star gazing, invite him over to look at the stars one evening, then see what develops.

You could also exchange cell phone numbers and email addresses. Sometimes it is easier to communicate at first by texting or email, rather than in person. You could include him on any group emails you send out, or ask him to be a "friend" on a few social networking websites. Look at his friend list and see who you might know or what activites they all have in common. As you get to know him better you will have more ideas about what things you like to talk about or do together.

How Much Contact is OK?
To avoid appearing "obsessed" as you put it, you might want to make sure you're not contacting him more than once every few days at first. If he responds, you can decrease the time period to maybe once every two days.

You just might not want to initiate more contacts than he does at first. If you have that impulse to contact him today, but know you just put a message on his Facebook wall yesterday, wait. Just wait. Believe it or not you won't die. You may feel like you're going to die, but you won't.

Impulse control is a very good skill to develop if ever you to not want to appear obsessed. Actually, impulse control is your BEST FRIEND when you want to avoid appearing obsessed.

Talk to yourself. Tell yourself things like, "Waiting builds character." "Waiting forces me to do many other things that I otherwise might never get done, like wash the windows to my room, vacuum my floor. Take a walk."

Another good way to develop impulse control is to tell yourself things like, "If it's worth doing now, it will be worth doing tomorrow, so I'll wait." Or this one works for eating as well as waiting for potential romantic partners to respond, "I'll do it, but I'll wait a few hours first."

Get the message?

Of course, through the ages we have relied on our friends to match-make and send messages between us and our love interests, so I suppose that is not out of the question. It can create confusion and result in mixed messages, so if you choose this route, be careful to get the message straight!

Ask Him Out
One other thing you may choose to do is just ask him out. This is easier to do for some people than others. Girls and guys alike share the fear of rejection that comes with making the first move, so you have to do what you are comfortable with.

It is easier for teens who drive to actually go on a date, so go with friends and invite him along. You may want ask him to join you for a coffee or snack in the afternoon. Spending time together with a group is a safe way to get to know one another better while working on your relationship as friends.

You may want to meet at the movie theater, arcade or wherever. You may be able to do this a few times without declaring the meeting an official date, which can relieve some of the pressure.

Keep It Simple
Whatever you decide to do, try to keep it simple. You may want to practice your speech before you actually say it to him. It helps to write it down and read over it until it flows smoothly.

If your contact is going to be by telephone, it's ok to make notes and read them as you talk on the phone. It's also ok to practice with a friend or record it on tape and listen to it. Work on it until you get it right and feel comfortable saying it . . . then, go for it! Good luck!

About the Author:

LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW is the author of Growing up Sane (in uncertain times), Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids, Editor-in-Chief Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families and Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center.