SelfhelpMagazine

by Dr. Al Cooper and Dr. Coralie Scherer

Being in a wheelchair isn't the issue, becasue while it may effect other aspects of your lifel, it doesn't stop those lusty feelings from pouring through. You don't seem to have any problems accepting that those feelings are real and a part of who you are as a human being. But the question you ask does point to the presence of some very practical matters--how do you handle those powerful urges when the likelihood of their return looks uncertain.

You question then, pertains to many people in many different types of circumstances, where the changes of reciprocated affection just isn't likely to happen.

How To Handle Lustful Feelings Toward A Stepsister

A stepsister is usually out of the running as a lover because of the complicated relationships brought about through blended families, especially if you have lived under the same roof for any extended period of time. Although they sometimes can feel really intense, just having fantasies doesn't mean you have to act on them.

Consider These Ways To Deal With Your Feelings:

1. Do you have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk openly to about your sexual concerns? Sometimes just talking about your feelings can validate and normalize them and also ease the intensity of holding onto a secret in isolation. Sometimes our secrets get a life and charge of their own, so they become erotic simply because they are kept secret. It may seem odd, but it often does help to "break spell" if you tell another person or other people. If you're too embarassed to tell people in your real life, try an online support group, like the Communiy Forums here at SelfhelpMagazine. Just look for the top toolbar under the masthead of this webpage, and you'll see, "Community Forums." Leave some messages. Run a search on "sex" and see what pops up. You'd be surprised at what healthy outlets that others have found helpful to alleviate their sexual fantasies or sexual obsessions.

2. How about widening your social circle so you might find a more appropriate--and available--partner? Then you might re-direct some of that highly charged energy from your stepsister to a receptive person for your lusty impulses. Even if your affaections aren't necessarily returned, allowing yourself to fantasize about other people can take some of the energy off your step-sister. And remember, unlike real life where people are not so easily replaced, there's nothing like a new fantasy lover to help you forget the old one.

About the Author:

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre, ran the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.