SelfhelpMagazine

by Dr. Al Cooper and Dr. Coralie Scherer

It could be that your spouse cheating was a sign that she was angry and felt powerless to get you to pay attention to her. You sure are paying attention now! She might feel that if she doesn't hold onto her anger and instead lets things go back to the way they were before, she'll lose your attention again.

Spouse Cheating: Take Stock

• Do you respect her opinions?
• Seek them out and take them to heart?
• Do you make time for her and her alone?

Repair The Relationship:

• You might try setting up regular times to talk and really be open to hearing each other in non-defensive ways.
• You may need to start building ways to feel affection toward each other--maybe starting with holding hands, sending cards or notes, buying small gifts or doing little favors for each other.
• Then gradually build to cuddling, snuggling, nuzzling, massage and eventually intercourse--always keeping in mind that you are literally making love.

  A spouse cheating is hard to overcome. With time and work the relationship can be repaired.

About the Author:

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality and is frequently interviewed by the media. He currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.