SelfhelpMagazine

by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW

Finish these sentences with the first thing that comes into your mind:

• I believe that people are:
• I believe the world is:
• I believe that love is:
• I believe that I am:
• I believe that my parents are:
• I believe that life is:

Source:
The Dynamics of Relationships: A Guide for Developing Self-Esteem and Social Skills in Teens and Young Adults by Patricia Kramer. Used with permission by Equal Partners: The Self-Esteem Institute, 3371 Beaverwood Lane, Silver Springs, MD 20906, (301)871-9665.

Some Common Irrational Beliefs

• All or Nothing Thinking: "If I can't be in the starting line-up I just won't play."
  Alternative: "I realize everyone wants a chance to play. I'm glad I get to start sometimes."
• Past Experiences Predict Future Events for Everyone: "I quit smoking so you can if you try."
  Alternative: "My experience with smoking was ____, however, everyone is different."
• Can't See the Forest for the Trees: "If I could only lose twenty pounds my life would be better."
  Alternative: "I am not happy with my weight now, but at this time I am going to accept the fact that my weight is only a small portion of who I am and it will not change other areas of my life."
• Discount the Positive: "Yes, I did well on that test, but it was really easy."
  Alternative: "Yes, I did well on that test. I was prepared."
• Fortune Telling: "He didn't answer the phone so he must be out with another girl."
  Alternative: "He didn't answer the phone, I'm sure he will be home later."
• Mind Reading: "She didn't speak to me. She must be mad at me."
  Alternative: "She didn't speak to me this morning. She must have a lot on her mind."
• Blow It Out of Proportion: "I failed the test so I may as well quit school."
  Alternative: "I failed the test so I need to study more next time."
• Emotional Reasoning: "I feel out of place at parties, so I must be different from most of the people here."
  Alternative: "I feel out of place at parties. My preference is smaller groups of people."
• Should, Ought, Must and Suppose to Statements: "I was raised to believe that children should be seen and not heard."
  Alternative: "Children have opinions and have the right to voice their opinions."
• Labeling:"I come from a poor family. I'm just a loser."
  Alternative: "My family was poor, but I hope to make a better life for myself."
• Personalization:"I made her mad so she cut her wrist."
  Alternative:"She became angry and chose to hurt herself rather than talk about it."

Source:
Adapted from: The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Random House, Inc. 201 E. 50th Street, New York, NY 10022.

About the Author:

LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW is the author of “Growing up Sane (in uncertain times)”, Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids, Editor-in-Chief Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families, and Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center