SelfhelpMagazine

by Connie Saindon, MA, MFCC, CTS

Happy New Year to all! Good-bye for now to the over-eating, over-spending, over-partying and just plain all the over-doing that we traditionally do during the last few weeks of every year. I love the holidays and giving and visiting but I am glad when they are over.

I see January as our opportunity to reflect. We usually spend very little and try to catch the sales to make our next holiday season more economical. Every year I buy outdoor lights, one of these days I'm going to have enough to light up my entire neighborhood. Most of us buy more low fat foods and since many of us still want to eat out, restaurants are increasing their "healthy" selections. January is typically a time to do less visiting, partying, drinking, eating and the relatives have gone home.

This selfish (in the good sense of the word) time is important for getting back on track from this overindulgent period and reviewing our last year. It is a time to take pride in our victories, review our joys along with mourning our regrets and losses. For some, it may be enough that you got through the year and past the holidays.

Here is the process that I go through as I decide whether or not to make New Year's Resolutions. Whether you decide to commit to specific goals, a review of where you've been and where you want to go may be of value. Perhaps these thoughts will aide your journey into next year.

Review your last year, divide it into quarters if it is easier to proceed.

Decide what happened that you'd like to repeat and keep in your life, and what would you like to remove

• What was your happiest day of last year?
• What did you accomplish this past year at work/school?
• What was your best family accomplishment this year?
• What was your most important social accomplishment this past year?
• Where did you enjoy to go and where do you want to avoid?
• What BIG lessons did you learn?
• Whom do you feel closer to and whom do you want to see less often?
• What is one thing that you can do that would significantly change your life for the better if you did it this coming year?

After reviewing these questions, my goals for next year are as follows:

• Be more cheerful, I've been grumpy for too long, and I don't want to blame menopause anymore.
• Lose 20 pounds, new program starts now.
• Get on the Health-Rider for 30 minutes every morning and go to faraway places on the travel channel.
• Do more of what I enjoy doing.
• Write more.
• Spend more time socially, especially with my "adopted" sisters.
• Grow more herbs.
• Make some audio tapes.
• Research Women's Art in many cultures.
• Be more forgiving of myself and others.
• Tour Nova Scotia.
• Spend next Christmas and New Years in New Zealand.

To maintain these New year's Resolutions, use these guidelines:

• Be realistic. Make resolutions that are attainable taking in your age and life demands.
• Follow sound medical advice when setting your exercise goals. Don't suddenly become overly ambitious. Try walking briskly for 30 minutes, washing and waxing a car for 45 to 60 minutes (now, that's a dirty car), pushing a stroller 1.5 miles in 30 minutes or swimming laps for 20 minutes.
• Gayle Veum, R.D. from La Costa Health Spa (after my latest Pamper Day there) suggests the best book for understanding food is *Total Nutrition* from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, authors are Herbert, MD and Subak-Sharpe, MS.
• Write down your goals. Consider telling someone who is not a nagger or blamer. Ask them to inquire about your progress from time to time.
• Keep your list in visible sight where you will see it daily at first (like your bathroom mirror). Make changes and be flexible as new information is gathered.
• Make your goals according to your passions and not what other people want you to change.
• List how these changes will improve your life specifically. For example, when I lose 20 lbs, I will expand my wardrobe as I will be able to wear all those clothes in my closet that shrunk.

Good luck!

About the Author:

Connie Saindon, M.A., MFT is a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist. In addition to providing services for Individuals, couples and families, Ms. Saindon is among the few specialists in the field of violent death bereavement. Founder the Survivors of Violent Death Program and volunteer faculty at the University of California Medical School Department of Psychiatry, she is author of "The Journey, Violent Death Bereavement: Adult Survivors Workbook" and contributing author of "Violent Death: Resilience and Intervention beyond the Crisis". To reach her, please see this page.