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Are Your Relationships About Fear? It's Time To Work Through It

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by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

 
Question: I have gone through a string of relationships that follow a pattern. Things go along OK then I get tired of the person and can't stand him. I get into relationships about as fast as a person can and then get fed up quickly. What can you suggest?

What you may want to pay attention to in the future is the kind of fears that come up for you as a relationship progresses. It sounds like you may have a need to be in control and that as the relationship develops you may feel less in control and therefore more fearful.

The fear could be of something as simple as being hurt or it could be something more involved such as a fear of abandonment. You might at some point want to explore this theme with a therapist who can help you identify your fears.

Sometimes these fears have their roots in experiences we had with our parents and/or caregivers when we were growing up. Intimacy at every level has a lot to do with being able to let go.

A therapist might be able to help you discern whether that's a problem for you and, if so, what to do about it. Relationships about fear do not last, or if they last they are unhealthy. Working through your fears can go a long way.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.

Originally published 4/20/99
Revised 1/19/09 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
 

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