by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
Indeed, an analysis of cyber-infidelity would be incomplete without consideration of cyber-sexuality. While it would be convenient to avoid the seedier side of the Internet, we must draw attention to both the positive and negative sides of how technology can deliver sexuality in all its forms to our literal doorsteps and desktops. Sexuality has the ability to inspire both the best and worse in human nature.
Champions of sex on the Internet proudly carry the freedom flag of being able to experience and explore sex without severe repercussion. New and more creative ways of learning about, exploring, and experiencing sexuality are in development. As a counterbalance to this enthusiasm, we see those who profit from reprehensible exploitation of explicit sexuality to whomever has a computer and modem, regardless of age or maturity.
Many are concerned about the impact of cyber-sex upon people who are sexually compulsive. From the perspective of professionals working with people who struggle with social skill, self-mastery, and self-care deficits, there is a need for concern. For professionals and parents caring for children, there is cause for alarm.
Given the estimate that 20 percent of online users visit cyber-sexual websites and engage in online sexual activities, immediate attention needs to be paid to the social impact of both the positive and negative impacts of cyber-sex and the increase in opportunities for cyber-infidelity.
Social scientists are calling for legal and societal oversight regarding free access to cyber-sexual activities using the Internet. This article is written to disseminate their plea, and urge citizens as well as other professionals to launch a thorough investigation of the current and future impact of the adult entertainment industry upon the sexually compulsive and at-risk adults, and particularly upon our children.
Pornography
Developers of the adult entertainment industry are building services that provide novel erotica to stimulate the imagination, sexually stimulating interactive games, and intelligent software to enact any sexual fantasy. Many people actually prefer to replace reality with their own projected needs, enjoying the emotional distance of anonymity while satisfying their sexual needs. For sexually compulsive people who seek heightened states of arousal with newer and riskier stimuli, the adult entertainment industry has already demonstrated an unscrupulous ability to deliver new material on a daily basis.
Some Netizens will desire physical contact, but settle for adding a little virtual spice to their unsatisfying marriages. Others will respond to the call of the wild on the Internet, only to realize that it can awaken more than they imagined. They will try to be satisfied with seeing someone via a webcamera, but will eventually want to touch, taste, smell, and feel the body heat of their virtual lover.
The adult entertainment industry will develop increasingly realistic technologies to satisfy these people with "almost" the real thing, but still leave it in the virtual domain. Users of such technologies will increasingly be able to operate in a parallel world, but when that world involves high tech pornography, the Internet is a trap and will become yet another source of pain rather than a solution. Still others will start with the intention of keeping their cyber-affair limited to the Internet. When in a committed offline relationship, they will be driven to recklessly satisfy their needs, and schedule occasional face-to-face meetings with their virtual lovers.
Beyond Pornography
While it is reasonable to assume that the majority of people will not suffer adverse consequences from Internet sex, those afflicted with cyber-sexual compulsivity pose a looming threat to current forms of monogamy. In a recent report entitled, "Cybersex Users, Abusers, and Compulsives: New Findings and Implications," Drs. Alvin Cooper, David Delmonico, and Ron Burg make a strong statement about the seriousness of cyber-sexual compulsivity. They explain, "…as twenty million, and growing, people visit sexual sites each month it is comforting to say that the vast majority will not experience any major adverse reactions from their sexual surfing.
On the other hand, even if we use our most conservative estimate that 1 percent of this population have a fully blown Cybersex Compulsion we are talking about a minimum of two hundred thousand people with a brand new disorder. Imagine the furor if a new drug (like MDMA) appeared on the streets and counted two hundred thousand people as dependent in just a few years. This is a hidden public health hazard exploding, in part, because very few are recognizing it as such or taking it seriously."
Technologies of the future will not only make electronic sexual stimulation more interactive and life-like, it will bring the experience to new levels, and more than likely foster the increased development of cyber-sexual compulsivity.
The Body Suit
The "body suit" is another possible new device. It would stimulate many different erogenous zones simultaneously, thereby intensifying physical experience. They would use sensors to stimulate touch and will likely be custom-fitted to accommodate a wide range of body types and proportions.
Different sensor pads might be located throughout the body suit, each designed to stimulate a specific region of the body in variable and programmable ways. Other sex machines have employed the use of suction cups and vibrating parts. Primitive body suits have reportedly been developed, but met with opposition from federal agencies due to medical concerns.
On another front, television has gradually migrated to increased suggestiveness. This trend toward sexualizing music is epitomized for our youth through stations such as MTV. Imagine celebrities of the future may very well take their suggestiveness a step further. For the price of a concert ticket, imagine wearing a body suit and having cyber-sex with a suggestive MTV pop singer. Imagine that you feel every thrust of the superstars' gyrations, with sensors strategically placed to throb and pulse until you reach orgasm.
Then imagine having sex with your life partner later that evening. After feeling the superstar afterglow, where will your thoughts go as you make love to your partner? Will your thoughts go to the superstar? How will sex with the partner compare to cyber-sex with the superstar?
Let's take you a step further into the psychological complications that might arise from such technical wonders. If you solve your marital problem by having your partner join you for the evening's cyber-sexual activities, where will your partner's thoughts go during lovemaking with you? Will you have the skills to keep connected to each other? Or will you silently join the ranks of the increasing population of "at-risk" individuals who engage in cyber-sexual compulsivity?
As the Internet evolves to providing increasingly life-like erotica, users of pornography are proportionately at risk for committing infidelity. For these people, it will become ever more important that discussions of relationship agreements be clarified to include all forms of technology. Unfortunately, it is more likely that for these groups, such discussions with their offline partners will be avoided.
Prostitution - Where is the Line?
Aside from the influence of technology upon fidelity and children, legal issues also are likely to arise. Will the new technology establish a new form of prostitution, without the usual associated risks? "Models" viewed by videocamera can already be bought through websites. Is buying sexual stimulation over the Internet the same as having sex with a prostitute?
What will be tomorrow's definition of prostitution? While legal limits have not yet been set on such activities, someone walking into their den is likely to have a number of responses to seeing their partner sitting at a keyboard, typing erotic requests with one hand, masturbating with the other, and watching a videoconferenced male or female model performing erotic acts upon command.
As our lives become more involved with technology, we must know who we are and maintain our sense of solid self as we identify our goals. The Internet is indeed seductive. It is easier than ever to slip into sexual compulsivity.
Much gratitude is extended to those who helped clarify, amplify and edit the material used in this article:
Michael Erickson, Ph.D.; Les Posen, Ph.D.; Rona Subotnik, MFT; and John Suler, Ph.D.
References:
Cooper, A., Delmonico, D. L., & Burg, R. (2000). Cybersex users, abusers, and compulsives: New findings and implications. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevent, 7, 5-29.
About the Author:
Dr. Maheu [1] is an author, speaker, and researcher. She is the lead author of "E-Health, Telehealth & Telemedicine: A Guide to Program Startup and Success" co-written with Pamela Whitten and Ace Allen, published by Jossey-Bass: San Francisco.
She has also been the lead author on these two books: "Infidelity on the Internet" and "The Mental Health Professional and the New Technologies."