Partner Love:What Should I Do?

Partner Love:
What Should I Do?

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Question: A few weeks ago I met a man I find very attractive, and he said he's interested in me. However, we haven't done anything because he's in a five year relationship. Yesterday he told me his partner was upset about how much time we're spending together, so he told his partner he had recruited me to form a sexual threesome with them. I don't know what to do: I don't find his partner attractive and I don't want our partner love to include a threesome, but I sure like him.

You don't have to do anything sexual that you don't want to do. It sounds like your friend made up the threesome story to avoid trouble with his partner. The fact that he failed to ask you if you wanted a threesome is not a good sign. It suggests he didn't consider the effect of his lie on you. You are under no obligation to go along with a threesome if you don't want to participate: after all, he didn't ask you what you wanted. I hope you will take care of yourself and base your decision on your desires and feelings. And for partner love, do remember to use safe sex practices.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.

Originally published 02/18/99
Revised 11/17/08 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

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