Self-help Articles

by Larry Rosen, Ph.D.

Parental Control: First Considerations for a New Generation

1. They Are Always Connected

Yes, that's right. They can't go 30 seconds without texting their "bestest" five friends, IMing three others, checking their MySpace friends' pages, and talking on their cell phones. Some of them even sleep with their cell phones so that they can answer late-night texts. Do you have a daughter? Are you on an unlimited texting plan? If not, then you better get one because sooner or later she is going to hit that magic 5,000... yes, 5,000 texts messages in a month is nothing for a Net Gener.

I watched a 17-year-old sit in her high school class and send and receive 150 text messages in her one-hour class... with her cell phone in her purse the whole time! She would text and then quickly peek at the answer and then stow the phone and text blindly again. These kids would rather text a friend in the next room then actually get up and talk or even call on the phone. Why? That is what I have been studying for the last 30 years and I know what these kids are like, why they like to communicate so much and what drives them.

2. They Cannot Uni-Task

If you have watched a teenager sit in class you most certainly have seen the "uni-task squirm." That's when the teacher refuses to let the students do anything but listen. Does it work? Never! Why? Because this generation is made up of tweens, teens, and young adults who are SUPREME MULTITASKERS. You will never find them doing just one thing at a time, and most likely they will be watching television, talking on the phone, being on MySpace or Facebook, texting their friends, eating (a hallmark of teenagedom), and, oh yes, doing their homework.

How can they do it? Are they really learning? You might be surprised to learn that they actually are better multitaskers than their older brothers and sisters and while we think that they can't possibly do it all and learn at the same time, they are surprising psychologists with their abilities to juggle and learn.

3. They Love Their Virtual Lives

MySpace and Facebook each draw more than 100 million visitors each month. What do kids do there? Live life. It is difficult for anyone over 40 to understand how it is possible to spend hours each day talking to people who you do not know and will most likely never meet.

This is the Net Generation's world. They live with one foot in RL (real life) and the other in their SL (screen life). To them both worlds are real and important to their social existence. As one teen told me, "If you are not on MySpace and Facebook, you are NOT." We may not understand it, but this generation puts their lives online and sees nothing wrong with having a world of virtual friends and confidants.

4. Virtually Exposed

Children, teens, and young adults think nothing of posting pictures of themselves doing all sorts of things that they would never ever want their parents to know about, and doing so in front of hundreds of millions of people. YouTube videos of parties merge with MySpace photos of who knows what. They literally expose themselves online and no matter what you say, no matter how many scare stories they hear about sexual predators or cyberbullies, they are not going to stop putting themselves out there.

It is their lifestyle and we have to understand that, accept that, and work to keep them safe. My interviews with more than 5,000 of these Net Geners and their parents were used as the backbone of my book, Me, MySpace, and I: Parenting the Net Generation, where I talk about what they do, why they do it, and how to parent them without stifling them.

5. Hooking Up? Rainbow Parties? What Has Happened to Morals?

This generation confounds parents. On the one hand they appear to not really be all that interested in dating, but rather seem to enjoy going out in large groups of friends. Some do pair off, but it all looks like harmless kid fun. Then you hear Oprah and Katie Couric talk about their "rainbow parties" and their "hooking up" and you wonder what the heck is going on.

(If you don't know what a "rainbow party" is, you may be shocked.) Are they amoral or is this just a new view of sexuality? What does it mean when someone changes her sexual orientation label from heterosexual to bisexual on MySpace? Is she really bisexual or just testing the waters?

Do the media and the Internet make these kids jaded to sexuality and make it seem like a big game? My interviews with thousands of these kids sheds light on this new generation and how years of sex on television and other media has changed the way they see relationships. Parents need to know what their kids are doing, even if they are not sure they really want to know.

6. Turning the Family Upside Down

They know way more than you will ever know about technology. When you get something new in the house you just shrug your shoulders and let them set it up as they roll their eyes at you like you are some kind of Luddite. Heck, you know how to surf the Internet, you are always on e-mail and you are pretty darn good with high-tech stuff, but you can't hold a candle to their abilities.

What does this do to the family? How do you handle it when the "all knowing" parents are less knowing then their 7- or 8-year-old children? How do you right the pyramid and put you, the parent, on the top?

How do you assert your authority, your parenthood, when they are so much more technologically sophisticated? You need the T.A.L.K. Model of Parenting. This proven model helps any family system integrate and appreciate techie children while preserving the role of "parents".

About the Author:

Dr. Larry Rosen is a professor of psychology at California State University and is the co-author of Technostress. He is an international expert on the psychology of technology, writes for The National Psychologist, and has been featured in USA Today, Newsweek, on Good Morning America, CNN, as the expert in parenting Net Generation children, adolescents, and young adults. As quoted by one nationally known parenting expert, “Dr. Rosen brings insights, humor, and a balanced approach to how parents can understand and deal with this particularly challenging phenomenon.” He lives in San Diego, California.