SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Thanks for writing about this very difficult dilemma. Disagreements about coming out are common in same sex relationships, and there are no easy answers. Here are some ways to approach the problem.

There are many different ways to be more open about your sexual orientation. For instance, telling a heterosexual friend, wearing a symbol such as a rainbow flag lapel pin, buying books or movies with gay, bisexual or lesbian themes, telling a coworker or supervisor, telling a member of the clergy, attending meetings of lesbian or gay or bisexual organizations, contributing money to a relevant cause or telling your parents or children are just some of the ways people become more open.

I wonder if it would help to brainstorm whether there is any way of being more out that would be acceptable to both you and your partner.

Perhaps it would help for the two of you to talk about the issue by discussing the positive and negative aspects of being more open, as well as the positive and negative aspects of remaining more closeted.

I also suggest you talk with others who've faced similar challenges. Some of the sites listed on our links page are good places to meet people on-line who have come out of the closet.

Best of luck with this important challenge.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.